Push (Josh Ramsay)

And wear you out

I ran

And I kept running

And running

Until I couldn't catch my breath.

I needed to find josh.

I was loosing my mind.

The bomb went off.

He wouldn't answer my texts.

He wouldn't answer my calls.

The hospitals hadn't seen him.

The shelters hadn't seen him.

The kids at the park hadn't seen him.

Nobody had seen him.

Panic surged through my veins.

Kinda like...

Heroin.

I wanted it.

It would be incredibly insensitive to run off smoking that shit while Josh was missing, but I didn't just WANT it. I needed it. My toes curled at the thought of it. The dizziness had begun to set in, I hadn't had any in over a day because I was frantically searching for Josh. Every bone in my body was reaching for it and I could no longer fight it.

Heroin.

Heroin.

My Heroine.

My Villain.

My Everything Good.

My Everything Bad.

My Right.

My Wrong.

My Heroin.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my kit, only to find that I had nowhere near enough to reach a proper high.
"Fuck" I muttered. I ran home as fast as I could, and snuck in through my window. I quietly shuffled through the mess to the mini locker in the back of my closet. I had received the small pink object for my eleventh birthday. It stood a mere twelve inches tall and was but four inches wide, but held my biggest secrets. I poked a bobby pin into the lock and wiggled around until it popped open. I shuffled through the darkness, looking for my light.

My Light.

My Darkness.

My Bliss.

My Fight.

My Heroin.

My love for her was bittersweet. She was my sanity, but also my insanity. She saved me, but also destroyed me. She always stood by me, but always betrayed me. She was everything I ever wanted, but also everything I never wanted. She was mine. But most importantly I was hers.

I grabbed a small black bag and shoved it in the pocket of my hoodie. This was it. I snuck back out the window and began my walk to the park. I wanted to run but I no longer could. I was worn out from looking for Josh. I was worn out from trying I was worn out from caring. I was done. Just fucking done.

Once I got to the park I found my way through the woods to one of my favorite clearings and did as I had always done. I pressed that pen shell to my lips and, once again, inhaled.