Push (Josh Ramsay)

My shiny side down

I inhale.
I inhale the acidic vapors.
I inhale the acidic words coming from her mouth.
I inhale the acidic glares he's giving me.
I inhale the acidic threats they spit at me.
I inhale the acidic reality that I would not be graduating.
I inhale the sirens.
Then run.

Running was stupid. Lex and Parker only wanted to help me. I had been ignoring her from the moment I met Josh. She was there for me from the moment I first held that foil shiny side down.  Yet I ran.

I ran as hard as I could.
As far as I could.
As fast as I could.
I ran.
I ran away from everyone who cared.
I could barely hear the wind in my ears or the horns blaring from the cars I ran in front of.  The repetitive drum of my thoughts overshadowed everything around me. I soon dipped into a large wooded area.  The trees blurred by me and the thorns whipped at my feet. I stumbled through the underbrush and jumped over logs. I had no idea where I was going or why I was running but I was. Would anyone bother looking for me? I approached a small river. Would anyone care? Fuck it. How would they portray me? I crossed it, the mud soiling my black jeans and the water making my band shirt cling to my skin. The wind beat against my dripping clothing sending shivers through my body. I ran for what seemed like hours. With my stamina I'm sure it was far less than that but I had to have run several miles. My legs felt as if I had strapped barbells to them. My face was numb and the wind burned the back of my throat. My chest was on fire and my heart thumped so hard I reckoned it could have lept from my chest. Yet I kept running to god knows where and kept cursing to myself as I did so. I knowingly continued driving myself further and further from where I came and where people cared. I ran until my shaking knees collapsed and I was nothing but a pile of useless skin and bones. The world shook and soon, the world was black.

I awoke with a start. I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep until I heard voices shouting in the distance.  Within seconds I was running again. It was different this time. It was approaching dark and everything was quiet despite the incomprehensible buzzing in my head. I heard nothing but the whack of brush against my skin and my labored breathing. They always talk about adrenaline rushes and how they tend to put metaphorical blinders on the minds of those who experience them. They tell you that you won't feel pain, that you won't feel tired, that you won't see or feel anything other than the task at hand. They were right. I was a horrible runner but as the sun began to creep below the horizon it became evident that adrenaline was surging through my body.

Soon the stars made it apparent that there was no going back. Not in time. Not home. I was undeniably lost. This realization struck me like a freight train. I was alone in the middle of the woods, no heroin, no people, no music, no Josh. This single thought was enough to make my knees buckle and my lungs give out. In that instant, time stopped. My heart thumped in my throat as I fell to my knees. Soon I once again tasted the acidity of reality as it flew across my tongue.
And I exhaled.
I exhaled the acidic reality.
I exhaled the acidic threats.
I exhaled the acidic glares.
I exhaled the acidic words.
I exhaled the last of my acidic vapors.
And as everything went black, for the last time,

I exhaled.