Push (Josh Ramsay)

All the pieces used to fit

Josh POV

All the pieces fit before Mabel. My life was getting better. I was clean. Then I met her.

I remember the day we met. Her running from the bleachers, the panic in her eyes when she fell. The fear, the apprehension, the pain. I remember that first introduction. I remember the lies, the awkward tension, the look I got when I pulled out the first aid kit. I remember her attempts at diverting the attention away from her. I remember how she insisted on being alone. I also remember how beautiful she was. I remember the energy when we first touched, I remember looking into her eyes and feeling everything melt away. I was at peace.

Everything fit.

Then I stumbled on her in the woods. Limp, high, alone. I remember all the black. The blackened foil sitting beside her, the black thunderclouds approaching, the black sweatshirt pressed against mine as I carried her home, I remember all of it. There was a black cloud around her and I brought it home, just for the chance to see sunshine again. I wanted the sunshine I saw hidden behind that pain; I was determined to find it.

But then I broke.
We were broken people.
Perhaps too broken.
So I ran.

I remember the day I ran.
I saw Mabel in health class.
Anxiety welled in my stomach as the teacher announced the drug lecture. I tried to ignore it. She comforted me. Her hand was on mine, it felt as if it belonged. Until I was attacked. I wasn't paying attention to the lecture, I couldn't. Thinking about my heroin was too much. Well the teacher noticed. And called me out, stating I was a cracked out druggie in rehab. At that moment, I felt as if I was dying. I needed my drug. So I ran.

All my pieces fell apart again. See, maybe my pieces all fit, but they were held together with nothing but bandaids. Well, she ripped off the bandaids and all my pieces turned to dust.

She then found me, took me in, just as I had done for her. We kissed. I remember that kiss. There was something about it, it felt so right. She had me up against a wall and everything was right again, even if just a moment, the dust in my soul didn't matter because I had her. The next night, under the blanket, when she teased the shit out of me, it felt as if we had known each other for much longer than 10 days. It felt great until we were left with an elephant in the room. We fought about the drug, and we fought about each other. I thought we were better off apart, and I blamed her. I was too blind to see that she may have ripped the bandaids but I was already broken.

I've come to realize that sometimes our pieces just change. Sometimes we just have to make new ones. Well, I'm ready to make them, and I'm ready to do that with Mabel. She gets out of the hospital tomorrow. They kept her for a psychological evaluation and questioning about her drug use, I guess she lied her way out.

Maybe one day all the pieces will fit again.