Perfection Doesn't Exist (Under Editing)

Chapter 4

(Song above helps give you a better perspective and mood of this chapter)

Next morning

I woke up confused. As I looked around and laid eyes on Andre, I remembered what happened. I slowly moved myself away from him to put space between us and started to cry. But I stopped crying a little since I wanted to keep quite so I could sneek out.

I got my clothes from the floor and put them on. I opened the door carefully but stopped when I heard Andre shift around in the bed. Once he stopped moving, I decided I didn't want to be here any longer so I booked it downstairs, ran out the front door and to my house.

As I ran, I started to cry again. Why does this shit always happen to me? First with my ex Jake, now Andre? Why? Just why me?!

When I got to my house, I wondered if my Dad tried to stay up and wait for me. I quietly entered and headed towards the living room. Sure enough, he was passed out with his work clothes still on.

I went straight to my room to take a shower, wanting this nasty feeling to go away. Starting to strip myself of clothing, I thought of why the bad things always happen to me.

To start off, my parents split when I was only 8, leaving me mother-less throughout the years I would need her the most.

Then, my first relationship when I was around 14, I thought it was going great until, Jake, my ex, wanted to have sex. Well, I was a virgin at the time and I wanted my first time to be special. Jake on the other hand, he wanted to do it before something would make us break up. I refused and he raped me. He said he wasn't raping me but only helping me express what I wanted. I tried to break up with him after that but he would hit me every time I threatened. Our relationship was like that until one day, my Dad walked in on one of our arguments and I was on the floor bleeding. He stabbed me because I lied to him saying I was pregnant, hoping he would leave me and never come back.

Later on, I went through depression. A couple of times I would try to overdose because I never saw my life going anywhere. At school, people would talk shit behind my back and twist the story of what happened between Jake and me. Everyone would try to avoid me except my one group of friends. Brooke, Kiki, Leah, Travis and Tommy all stood beside me and helped me get better. Some days, their encouragement didn't work. Those days, I would spend in the hospital. Nothing worked until Travis started to care for me. He'd be there every time by my side making sure I was okay. Then one thing led to another and we started to date. After that, I stopped trying to overdose, not thinking of that ever again and I got better.

Travis was the only thing good that came out of the bad things that happened to me. I thank him everyday because without him, I wouldn't be here.

As I start to put conditioner in my hair, I hear a knock at my door.

"Lenbear is that you?" my Dad asked though the door.

"Yeah it's me." I replied back, hearing my voice crack. I didn't notice but I had started to cry again. 

"Okay well once you're done can we talk?" he said sounding a bit concerned.

I couldn't feel angry towards him even though I wanted to, remembering that we had to move. I just feel like I need someone there for me and right now that person is my Dad.

"Yeah, okay. I'll start finishing up now." I told him as I rinsed out the conditioner.

Turning off the shower, I reached for my towel and headed towards my drawers. I got my sweats, my tie dye shirt and my bra and panties.