Perfection Doesn't Exist (Under Editing)

Chapter 42

Len's POV:

I stayed home all week. Refused to get up, refused to eat.

My Dad knew something was up but I kept pushing him away. He never helped me when I needed help before so why is going to try now?

I got messages, calls, voicemails all from Mason, even Jay too. But I ignored them both, then getting some calls and occasional texts from Justin. He was mostly apologizing and making sure I was okay. Still, I didn't bother to get back to them.

I haven't even spoken a single word at all. Bell, I feel bad ignoring her and locking her out of my room, refusing to even get the slightest conversation in with her. But I can't talk to anyone right now, afraid that I might just start balling before I even try to speak.

Confused.

It's mostly all what I've been feeling lately. Like, why?

Justin seemed like a rare, one-of-a-kind guy who was almost purely innocent. He always made my days seem better with his witty jokes and off key singing when he didn't feel like really trying. I thought he was different, but I guess what I think always seems to betray me.

Then I thought about Mason.

I thought he was different too. Yeah Justin yelled at me that one time to enjoy having fun with my 'jock' but I wish I took that small, snarky comment seriously. I thought I knew someone I completely didn't know. I guess I'm just a sucker who feels so much sympathy for the wrong people.

What gets me thinking twice is how I missed that not only Justin is, well, was a part of a gang, but that it flew over my head of Jake having a possibility with gang associations. All the clues and hints were in my face but I overlooked it all, convincing myself that stuff doesn't really exist.

But how do I go head on with this? Talk to Justin again, looking in the eye of someone who not only associated himself with Jake but also made stupid, reckless decisions when he was in a gang. Someone who slept with girls only to take away his pain? Using them as an object? But he said they only came willingly. Like that should be an excuse to let them sleep with him.

But he also mentioned how the pain he was feeling was due to the loss of his mom.

That still shouldn't excuse him because...

because....

well, it's just, wrong.

Other people would take drugs or get drunk and that would suffice. Or get addicted to playing and gambling in casinos. Why use girls in the worst way possible?

I can't help that I want to look past all of that and still think of him as the Justin I first met.

Maybe he is. Maybe he isn't. He refused to tell me all this information in the beginning, so why should I try to forgive him?

Because he tried to protect me? I thought.

Protecting me from the past would have never helped because eventually, it would of spilled out. And it already has.

I can't believe he knew Jake. What if this whole time he knew Jake was after me this whole time and kept him updated on where we'd be? That's probably how he got the pictures of us.

That son of a bitch!

He probably did!

I can't believe he'd do such a thing! He already knew how much Jake ruined my life and just goes and helps him out anyways! I can't believe him!

By now, I'm fuming, thinking of all the possible ways to approach Justin and give him a piece of my mind. How could he?! I trusted him! I thought he knew how damaged I was and would understand. I thought.....