Was It All a Lie?

Chapter 8

"Babe?" Sam asked once we got up in the morning.

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't exactly my fault, but I just want to say sorry for betraying you with Maria." When this all started, I was mad at him for betraying me, but then I had started to remember what I did one night when he was gone. It was a horrible night and one I wasn't proud of. I promised myself I'd never speak of it again, but I had a feeling Sam was going to get me to.

"Don't be, Sam. You didn't betray me. You didn't know." I couldn't fault Sam because I did something far worse when he was gone.

"Thanks babe."

"Do you mind if I go talk to Dean real quick? I'll be right back. I need to discuss something." I asked as calmly as I could, but felt the tears in the edges of my eyes.

"Of course. Go ahead."

"Dean?" I asked with tears in my eyes when I went into the main room. Dean was sitting at a table with his laptop.

"Yeah? What's wrong? Are you ok?" He asked seeing my tears.

"Um, I need to talk to you about something." I said with broken speech due to my tears.

"What is it?" He asked with utmost compassion.

"You remember that night we were both really drunk and we went to bed? Well, um, did we actually do you know, it, or were we just together?" I asked awkwardly.

"Um, yes we did it. I don't know if you remember, but we checked and you're fine and you weren't pregnant." He said just as awkwardly as I felt. "Why are you wondering again? That was almost 2 years ago."

"Um, Sam just apologized for betraying me with Maria, and I remembered how I've been mad at him for betraying me this whole time, but I realized I did the same thing to him in a far worse way. He's never gonna forgive me for this, Dean. I can't believe I was so stupid. We don't like each other that way. Why did we even do it?" I cried out. It was such a bad mistake.

"Sam's not gonna find out. I haven't told him. You're right, it was stupid and I don't like you that way either. I think we did it because A, we were drunk, and B, we were both upset that Sam was gone." It was true, but it didn't change the fact I betrayed Sam with his own brother.

"But Dean, I know this is stupid, but I kind of feel like Sam should know, or if he doesn't, I don't feel like I can just pretend like it never happened and be with him if he doesn't know about it. He didn't hide Maria from us, and I'm hiding this from him. If that makes any sense. Should I tell him? Can I tell him?" I asked.

"I personally wouldn't tell him, but it's up to you. You can tell him if you want. I'm still here for you if something happens. And I'm sorry about that night. It was my idea and it was stupid and wrong. You were more drunk than me, and I should have never convinced you to do it." I agreed to do it that night, and Dean shouldn't have been blaming himself.

"It's ok, Dean. I'm not mad. I'll tell you what happens."

I walked back into my room. Sam was still laying in bed.

"You ok?" I shook my head. "What's wrong?" He asked seeing my tears.

"I think you should go." I said blankly as I stood there with tears falling down my face.

"What?"

"I think you should leave." I repeated.

"Why? I came back for you." He sounded so hurt by my sudden comment.

"Because, you apologized for betraying me, when I betrayed you in a far worse way. I don't deserve you and you'll never forgive me for it, so just go now." I was almost angry. Not at him, but at myself for thinking Sam would ever be back with me.

"What did you do?" He asked gently.

"I can't tell you, Sam. Ok? It was horrible and stupid and wrong, and you're gonna hate me." I knew he would and I wasn't ready for that.

"You can tell me anything. Please?" He asked as he coaxed me into bed.

"Alright, fine. It was about 2 years ago maybe a month after you were taken. I was upset about losing you and so was Dean. He and I got really drunk one night, and when I woke up in the morning, I was next to him. I slept with him, Sam. I don't like him that way and he doesn't like me that way either. We were just drunk and upset and it was stupid. We got me checked out afterwards and I'm fine and I wasn't pregnant. I was so mad at you all this time for betraying me when I betrayed you more than ever. So you should just leave. This is unforgivable." I said before beginning to bawl.

"You what?!" He shouted.

"I'm sorry." I choked out in a frail little voice that was all I could force out. He looked so mad. He was angry when he was possessed that one time, and tried to kill me, but this was a close second.

"Sorry? I felt bad because I unknowingly cheated on you, but you knew what was happening. How could you?" He angrily shouted. He looked like he would punch me in the face or slit my throat any second.

"I told you it was a mistake and I'm sorry." I said, progressively getting softer.

"Heck yeah, it was a mistake. I can't believe you did that to me. I may not remember everything, but that hurts me, Miranda. I just don't get how you could do that. Even if you thought I was dead, that's still not something you should do."

"You think I don't know that, Sam? Why do you think I didn't want to talk to you about it? I knew you'd hate me and not forgive me. I knew it would just start another argument. I knew it would cause us problems eventually. I thought if I told you then it'd be better than you finding out on your own somehow. I thought there was enough trust in this relationship for me to tell you anything. Apparently I was wrong about that too. I'm sorry. I don't know what else I could say. I love you and trust you enough to actually tell you and not keep it from you for years. You were the one person I thought would be at least a little more understanding. It was one night, one stupid mistake, and one thing I wish I could take back. So I'm sorry, Sammy..... I'll just go now and stay away from you." I said and left the room. I sat on the couch. Dean came over and tried to start talking to me.

"Hey. I take it you told him?"

"Yes. He deserved to know from me rather than finding out himself. Now just let me be alone, ok? I'll be ok." I frankly just didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Ok. I'm here if you want to talk."

"I know. Thanks." He nodded. I sat there and cried for a good hour before Sam came out.