Was It All a Lie?

Chapter 10

~Sam's POV~

We woke up in the morning. I was super nervous to put it lightly. I hadn't ever had a panic attack, but this was what I imagined it to feel like. Miranda picked up on this. "Baby. Relax. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Ok? We can ask Cas if you'll remember everything. It will be ok. I promise." I nodded skeptically. I still wasn't sure. We walked out to Dean where Miranda explained everything.
"Dean, we need to call Cas." She started. "He hasn't remembered anything new, so we need to talk to him, but we have to make sure Sam will remember everything from these couple weeks too."

"Ok. I agree. We need to be sure he will remember everything. I can call him after lunch." She looked at me and I gave a small nod. We sat down at the table and the thoughts kept flooding my head. What if Cas can't guarantee that I remember this? What if I can only remember everything before the demons took me. Could I live with putting her through that?

"Sam?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"You just started staring at your sandwich. You ok? What are you thinking about?" She asked curiously.

"I'm ok. You know what I was thinking about." She gave me a confused look, but realized what I was getting at after a few seconds. She nodded in acknowledgement, and grabbed my hand from across the table. She rubbed small circles on my hand with her thumb in an effort to calm me down.

"It'll be ok." She said quietly. I wasn't sure, but I nodded anyways. "Miranda, before we do this, I need to tell you something... If he says I won't be able to keep these memories, but I will remember everything up until the demons taking me, I'm gonna let him do it. It's gonna hurt you more if I don't. Just know that I'm gonna do this no matter what it takes. You're getting me back." I explained.

"Babe, listen, I want you to know you don't have to do this. We can start over right now if you rather. It's ok. If you're scared and really don't want to, I won't be mad." She explained with concern and consolation present.

"I know, babe. I need to though. I have to do this." I replied. I needed to remember everything and remember our son.

Cas showed up once we were done eating. "What is it you need?" He asked

"Sam was taken by demons a couple years ago. We finally found him again, but he doesn't really remember anything before he was taken. He remembers a little bit, but not much. Can you get him to remember everything?" Dean asked simply.

"Yes, Dean. I can get him to remember. You should lie down in bed, Sam. You'll be passed out for a while."

"Wait." I objected. "Will I still remember what's happened since they took me. Will I remember all of this?" I asked to be sure.

"Yes. You'll remember everything. I guarantee it." I breathed a sigh of relief. I climbed in bed and Cas came next to me.

"I'll be right here when you wake up." Miranda said before stroking the hair out of my face and letting Cas do what he needed to. It didn't hurt, and things went black in an instant.

~Miranda's POV~

Sam had been passed out for a couple days. I spent every second possible with him and kept wondering how long it would be before he woke up. I was sitting there in our room with him like I always did. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I turned and saw Dean in the doorway. He motioned me out into the hall. I slowly got up and walked out.

"What's up, Dean?" I asked him. I hadn't really talked to him much since Sam was passed out.

"I talked to Cas. He said he should be up in a day or two. Are you ok?" He asked. A look of calmness was replaced by one of concern. I hadn't noticed I had a tear falling down my face until I felt it hit my neck.

"I'm fine." I lied smoothly.

"What's wrong. You can tell me anything. You know that."

"I'm just scared. I don't want to lose him again. I don't want him to die." I said as he hugged me. It was a surprising hug from Dean. Dean's hugs were usually strong and protective, but this one was one that made me feel like he thought I was a fragile thing he was afraid would break. Ordinarily, I would hate being treated like a fragile thing, but I really did feel like I was going to break if anything else bad happened. He lightly rubbed my back to calm me down and responded to what I said in a whisper.

"It'll be ok. He's gonna wake up. Just give him a day or two. I promise he will be fine." I nodded against his chest. He eventually let me go and started to walk away.

"Dean." I started. "Why are you suddenly so sensitive? I know you became ok with showing emotion a long time ago, but even then, your hugs for example, were always strong and felt protective, but now it feels like with every hug you feel like I'm a fragile thing that is going to break. There's nothing wrong with that, I'm just wondering what changed." I asked.

"Things changed when I realized how horrible things have been for you the past couple years. You've been hurt a lot even in just the past couple months. I see it every day that you let everything get to you and every day you were without Sam, another part of you seemed to break. I was getting so worried about you. I still am. I didn't know how much more you could take before you would break to a point that even Sam couldn't fix you from. I'm not trying to treat you like you're fragile because you're not even if you feel like it. You're so strong, Miranda. I'm just worried about you." He said sympathetically.

"I am anything but strong. I've cried way too much all these years, but thanks. I do feel like I break a little more every day. I can't believe you noticed that. I try not to even think about it. You are really that worried about me?"

"Being strong isn't about holding your emotions in and pretending nothing gets to you. Being strong is allowing yourself to cry and be vulnerable and going to Sam and I when things are hard for you. You are strong. And of course I'm worried about you. You're like my sister. I don't like seeing you hurting." I didn't respond. I just hugged him again. His words were unintentionally poetic in a sense. He made me feel like I was loved and he truly cared.

"I'm gonna go back in with Sam." I said after grabbing something to drink. I walked back in and he was still out. The next afternoon, he finally woke up.

"Miranda?" He asked quietly.

"Babe. Babe. You're ok. Apparently that means you remember me. Do you remember everything before Cas helped you? What do you remember?" I ranted, not realizing I was talking a mile a minute.

"Babe. Slow down." He said with a chuckle. "Yes, I remember everything. I'm fine. Just relax." I took a deep breath and climbed in bed with him. I gave him a deep and passionate kiss. I laid down with him. We laid there for a good hour just enjoying each other's company.

"Sam, I'm not trying to rush you, but will you tell me what you remember? Please?" I asked. "You seem really off. That's understandable but I want to help you." He seemed extra quiet.

"No, Miranda. It's some crazy stuff. I know I said I would, but no. I'm not ever talking about this." He said snappily.

"Babe. Please. I told you I was gonna help you through this."

"I said no, Miranda. If you're gonna keep pushing me to talk, then get out. Let me think about stuff and be alone." I was so frustrated. He was shoving me away when he promised he wouldn't. I got up and left the room angrily.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked as I got to the main room seeing as how I was visibly angry.

"Just leave me alone." I snapped before heading up the stairs and slamming the door to the bunker shut.