Was It All a Lie?

Chapter 14

"He's not mad anymore. He just wants us to quit treating him like he's weak. I know we aren't trying to, but we are. He just wants to be able to have his emotions without being judged for it." I explained to Sam once I climbed back in bed. He was still on the laptop and was frantically searching everywhere he could.

"That's totally understandable. Glad he's not mad anymore. Does he know what we are searching for?" Sam asked. He seemed worried that Dean would get mad because a hunter may have done this.

"No. I didn't bring it up. We should tell him though." I shut the laptop he was typing on. He gave me a confused look. "Can we just lay down for a while? It's been a while since you and I just got to be with each other." It had been far too long. He was with me when he didn't remember much, but it had been what felt like forever since he and I just snuggled and he actually remembered me.

"That's true it has been a while." He put the laptop on his bedside table and laid down. I put my head on his chest and he played with my hair.

"I've missed this babe." He kissed my forehead.

"I've missed you too." He replied. I ended up falling asleep on his chest. I don't know why I was so tired, but I was. I woke up to Sam nudging me gently.

"Huh?" I asked as I woke up. I rubbed my eyes that were foggy with sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's only 5:00. You were only out for a couple hours. I only woke you up because I heard Dean out in the main room, and I think we should join him out there and explain what I remember." He explained.

"Sounds good." I replied.

"Dean," Sam started once we got out to the main room. "I want to tell you what I remember. I know you want us to stop treating you like you're weak, but I need to say, try to keep your anger under control." Dean nodded. "So basically, the demons dragged me away as you know. I was in some room. I don't know where, but I was there and tied to a post. I was tortured and beat up, and I thought I was gonna die. Then some guy burst in. He fought and moved like a hunter, but I didn't catch much of a face due to the fact it was dark. He killed all the demons then knocked me out. I woke up in the park and that's where everything else started. Miranda and I are trying to find him so we can thank him for saving my life and find out why he knocked me out and the whole deal with the memory stuff." Dean nodded.

"I'm glad he saved you. I agree. We should find him. We need an explanation. I'll help you guys search." We sat at the tables in the main room and looked online the rest of the night. If we didn't find anything tonight, then we would jump right into calling other hunters in the morning. Sam got really tired before midnight even hit.

"Babe, I'm going to bed." He said with a yawn. "You can stay up if you want, but I'm going to sleep." He came over and kissed me goodnight.

"I'm gonna stay up a bit longer. I wanna search as much as I can." He nodded and headed to bed. There was some awkward silence as Dean and I kept searching, the only sound being the click of the mouse. It was becoming uncomfortable and I think it was written all over my face.

"Miranda, I hate apologizing and I suck at it. But, even though I know we talked it out, I'm sorry. I knew you didn't mean what you said the way I thought you did. I shouldn't have gotten so mad. Things have been hard for both of us lately. I took it out on you. You care a heck of a lot about me, and sometimes I feel like it's too much for your own good. It's just that I've screwed up a lot in the past and my dad always blamed me. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself and I've tried to be better about that, but there are times that it's not gonna be so easy. I'm gonna feel guilty about things and make a bigger deal out of things than there needs to be like I did today. It's gonna make me want to get drunk, and it's probably gonna make me get mad unintentionally. Just know that it's gonna happen. I also need to say I'm sorry for what I said. I basically told you to stop caring about me. I never should have said that, and that's not what I meant. Please, don't stop caring about me, and please keep on me about my emotions. Again, I'm sorry I made you feel bad. I know I'm not much of an apologizer, but I needed to say it." He said quieter than I expected. I think he didn't want Sam to hear him.

"Dean, you don't need to apologize. You never needed to apologize. You had every right to be mad. I worded it horribly when I talked to Sam, and you were right to tell me what you did earlier. I shouldn't keep nagging you about your emotions. You're gonna feel what you're gonna feel. I can't and shouldn't try to change that. Let me ask you a question before I finish: why do you think I'd stop caring and looking out for you?" I asked. I didn't get why he thought I'd stop. He had always looked out for, cared, and loved me, and it was no different for me.

"You should keep nagging me about my emotions. You're right about all of them. And I thought you'd stop caring because I basically told you earlier to stop and I got so mad at you. I just don't want you to take it to heart." He responded. He sounded broken, like his heart had just snapped.

"I'm always gonna look out for you and care about you, Dean. You saying anything to me can not and will not change that. But seriously, you don't need to apologize. It's ok." I replied. I tried to be consoling, and I hoped that it was conveyed. We kept searching for an hour or so more, then I headed to bed. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Dean."

"Goodnight." I walked to our room. Sam went to bed really early compared to normal. I wondered what was up. I opened the door and unintentionally woke him up.

"Miranda?" He sat up in bed. "What time is it?"

"It's about 1:30." I replied. He sounded off in general. What is up with him? I thought to myself. It wasn't like Sam to go to bed so early or seem this off. "Sorry I woke you."

"It's ok. Let's just get some sleep." He said it almost frantically, like he couldn't wait to sleep. I knew he was tired, but still. This was weird.

"Babe, are you ok? You seem kind of frantic and you went to bed extra early and you just seem off." I asked gently.

"I'm fine. Just tired today." He was faking his calmness and I saw right through it.

"Babe. I know you're not ok. I've been worrying about Dean, but I'm worried about you. What's wrong?" I asked. He was seriously worrying me. He seemed off all day. This really wasn't like him.

"Ok. Ok. I'm stressing about finding that guy, I'm mad that we aren't finding anything and that he made me lose my memory, and I just want to find this freaking dude. Sorry I've been worrying you. There's just a lot to think about." He just rolled over and didn't want to look at me. I snuggled closer to him and rubbed his shoulder a bit. It always seemed to help calm him down.

"I just wanted to know. It's ok. I'm stressing too. You just haven't been yourself recently, and I was making sure you were ok. I don't like seeing you upset. Let's just get some sleep." He nodded. I snuggled close to him and fell asleep.