Was It All a Lie?

Chapter 19

~Dean's POV~

"What, Dean? I just want to sleep. Don't worry about it. I have nothing more to say." She snapped.

"I just want to make sure you're ok. You seemed really upset. Why do you think we'd be mad about you feeling this way? Especially me. We've talked about a lot of stuff, and I would hope you know by now that I don't judge you." I asked. "Even Sam, he understands more than anyone what it's like to put feelings out in the open. He'd never be mad at you either." I had a feeling she wouldn't answer, but I wanted to know.

"Because it's stupid, Dean. You guys are right, but I can't bring myself to believe that I'm really as great as you guys act like I am. I'm trying to believe it. I just need time, Dean." She explained. She looked so broken both physically and emotionally. I nodded and she rolled over. I totally understood. I stood for a minute and heard a slight whimper coming from her. She had the blankets off at this point and her back was moving somewhat spastically as she cried.

I walked over to her. "Miranda, it's ok. We aren't mad, and you are entitled to feel the way you do. Don't apologize and don't feel bad about crying. I'll let you be, I just wanted to be sure you're ok." I explained.

"Thanks, Dean." She said quietly. I pulled the covers back up to her chin before leaving the room.

~Miranda's POV~

They were right about everything and I needed to let it go. One thing I couldn't stop thinking about though, was Ethan. I pulled my phone out and called him.

"Hello?" He asked from the other end.

"Hey Ethan, it's mom. Um-" I started "I've been a horrible mom the past couple years and I wanted to talk to you."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"I haven't talked to you in years. I should have called you by now. So much has happened, and I should have been talking to you more." I explained.

"Mom, I'm not mad. I've been busy and I've been staying with friends on the holidays and stuff. It's ok. So what's happened?" He asked. He actually wanted to catch up.

"Well, Sam was taken by some demons including a knight of hell and they tortured him and wiped a bunch of his memory. Dean and I got him back and he remembers everything now. I recently went to help kill the knight of hell because she was trying to kill the person who saved Sam's life. I'm really banged up right now. I was in the hospital for a few hours, but I'm ok. Just sore. Otherwise, not much has happened, but Sam was gone for 2 years, so we've had our hands full of stuff going on. What about you? How are you?" I asked. It felt so great to be able to hear his voice again. I was so happy he wanted to know what was up.

"I'm good. School is keeping me busy. Is dad ok? I'm glad he has his memory back now. Are you ok, is the knight of hell dead?" He asked quickly, becoming slightly worried.

"He is fine. He's back to normal now. I'm ok, just a little banged up. Yes, the knight of hell, Abaddon, is dead." I answered.

"Good. I'm sorry I can't talk more, mom, but I have to get to class. We are in different time zones. I love you." Ethan said with a sort of sadness in his voice.

"It's ok. Have fun in class. Sorry I haven't called you more. Love you too."

"Don't be sorry, mom. It's ok." He replied, and all the seriousness was conveyed through the phone. I set my phone down on the table and curled back up in the covers. I ended up falling asleep since it was already 11 when I talked to the guys about everything. A little after midnight, Sam came in.

I felt the bed shift as he climbed in next to me. I opened my eyes but didn't move. "I can tell by your breathing you are awake. You don't have to look at me, you don't have to say anything, just listen. I said it before but I'm gonna say it again. I love you. You mean the world to me, Miranda. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I'm the lucky one for having you. You are amazing. I will love you forever and that's not gonna change no matter what you think or feel.....Goodnight, babe." He said as he kissed my head. I couldn't help the tears that fell as he said this. I knew he loved me, and this proved that. I contemplated saying something, but instead, I tried to roll myself over to face him. I let out a groan in pain as I tried. "Babe, what's wrong? Take it easy." He said, trying to stop me from hurting myself. I didn't reply. I simply placed my lips on his, and ran my hand through his hair. After a few seconds, I laid back down on my back.

"I'm sorry, babe. You were right this whole time. I love you so much."

"I love you too. Don't be sorry." He replied gently and convincingly. "Let's get some sleep."

"Wait. I wanted to tell you, I called Ethan." I stopped him.

"What did he say?" Sam asked.

"Not much. He didn't have a lot of time to talk. I told him the gist of what happened and he was just making sure we were all ok. He isn't mad we haven't been talking to him." I said happily.

"Good. Glad he's not mad. I didn't think he would be. I know you and I both get tired of all the emotional conversations, but I want to say one more thing because I owe you an apology." Sam started softly.

"Sam, you-" I tried to interject but he kept talking.

"I'm not mad you feel the way you do about all of this, but I'm the reason you didn't tell us sooner. I made you feel like I'd be mad about your emotions. I act that way towards Dean sometimes and I can tell it scared you. I'm sorry I made you feel like your emotions are something you need to hide from me. I want us to be able to be open with each other especially about how we feel. I'm sorry I made you feel like I would be mad about how you felt. I love you and I don't want to hurt you like I always seem to do." He said so apologetically that I actually wanted to cry out of sympathy for him.

"Sam, you don't have to be sorry. Yes, I was afraid you would be mad, but you assured me you wouldn't be, and I believe you. You aren't hurting me. I love you so much, Sam. It's ok."