Was It All a Lie?

Chapter 12

"Hey babe. Sorry I took so long. I had yet another talk with Dean about him being hard on himself about everything." I explained.

"Again? I didn't know him tearing down all the walls he had up would make him do this every time something happens. When is he gonna realize he needs to stop feeling guilty for everything? " Sam questioned.

"I don't know, Sam. I don't know what to do about him anymore. I'm getting tired of convincing him of something he can't accept." I said sadly. I really hated seeing Dean beat himself up about it. Ever since he started showing emotion, he was always like this with everything. I felt bad for him. He was always taught that everything was his fault. He has trouble accepting it was someone else's fault unless there was reason to believe it was Sam's; then he's all for giving Sam the blame. Suddenly the door opens.

"So you're tired of dealing with me? You're tired of trying to force me to believe something I've always been told is wrong? You're tired of me feeling guilty, yet you wanted me to show emotion? We'll take your pick. Either I feel what I feel or I put up the walls again. You can't have both." Dean spouted angrily. He apparently overheard us. He walked out the door.

"Dean!" I hollered back. He didn't stop or come back. "Sam, I shouldn't have talked so loud or been saying any of that. I wasn't trying to be mean. I know why he can't accept it not being his fault...I think you should talk to him." I told Sam.

"No. He hardly listens to a thing I say about his emotions anymore. He listens to you. I'd say you should talk to him." Sam suggested.

"I just didn't want you to think there's anything going on by me talking to him." I replied shyly.

"I know he's like your brother. You're looking out for him and I appreciate that." He responded. I wanted so badly for things to be ok. They seemed like they were and then Dean freaked and it all came crashing down. I left the room and I expected to see Dean sitting at the table, but I didn't. I hollered for him, but there was no answer. I called his cell and heard it ringing in another room of the bunker. He didn't silence it or answer it. He was really easy to find. I was conflicted as to whether or not he wanted me to find him. I opened the door to his room where I heard his phone. He was just sitting in bed staring off into space.

"Go away. I'm not talking to you or Sam. Just leave me alone." He snapped.

"No. You and I are talking. You don't have to say anything, but I need you to listen to me." He nodded slightly. "Ok. I'm sorry, Dean. The past couple months have been hard and it seems like every time something happens, you blame yourself. That is, unless there's a chance it was Sammy's fault, then you're quick to blame him. You took down the walls of emotion you kept up, but that doesn't mean you need to blame yourself. I know you've been taught that you are always the one to blame, even as a kid. Based on what I've been told by you and Sam, I bet your dad blamed you for everything. I know that's why you do it. I'm not mad. I just get frustrated when we repeatedly tell you it's not your fault and you continue to believe it is.  It's almost pathetic the way you treat yourself. You drown yourself in alcohol like you used to and you beat yourself up day after day about things you can't control. I'm not tired of dealing with you and I love that you show emotion because it makes Sam and I feel like you actually care about us and what happens. Please don't put the walls back up. Please. You took them down for a reason. I'm sorry about what I said. It was wrong and I shouldn't have said it the way I did." I said compassionately. He didn't say anything. "I get it. I said you don't have to talk. It's perfectly ok. Let me know if you want to." I said before leaving. I went back in to Sam.
"Hey. He's not talking about it right now. I told him he doesn't have to. Can you and I talk though? About the demon stuff?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah. What's up? Is something wrong?" He spoke calmly, but could clearly sense I was worried.

"Well just about everything is going wrong, but that's not my point. I was just curious, you have no idea who the hunter was that both saved you and hurt you? Couldn't he come after you?" I asked. I was so nervous about the hunter. I didn't know who or what he was and I was scared he would come back to find him and finish him off.

"No. I don't know who he was. He didn't seem like he wanted to hurt me, I think he just didn't want me finding out who he was. I don't think he's gonna hunt me down. It's ok. Don't worry so much." He consoled as he explained.

"Can we find him? We owe him a thank you for saving your life and he owes us an explanation about your memory." I was really hoping we could find him. I wanted to know what happened and to thank him for saving Sam's life. I wasn't happy he made him forget everything, but I was happy Sam didn't die.

"I don't know much of what he looked like, but we can talk to some other hunters and see if they know anyone who was working a demon case, and we can search around online." He suggested. That sounded like a good plan. I nodded.

"I guess let's start searching." I added which was accompanied by a nod from Sam. We sat in bed for hours searching on the laptops. We weren't coming up with much of anything. Suddenly, a text pops up on my phone.

Miranda, can we talk?

Sure. One sec. I replied

"Babe, I'll be back. Dean wants to talk now."

"Ok. Let me know what happens." He said. I nodded and left the room.