Pure as Snow

chapter 28 : Hanna

I was perfectly happy, but Draco didn’t seem like he was. It had been three weeks since we spent the night together. He seems like he’s lost interest in me, like he’s distracted by something else. I know that I’m not a very observant person, but I can notice when he’s lost weight and that the bags under his eyes have gotten darker. I know he’s not getting much sleep and that he’s under stress, but stress from what? It’s not like school is all that much this year, especially since he has me to help him, which is the only reason that I get to see him anymore. It’s almost as if he’s distancing himself away from me. I love him so much. I just hope that he’s not planning on breaking up with me.

“I know that Draco’s keeping something from me,” I announced to Bella during our free time, which we were spending in our dorm. It was always so much warmer in our tower than anywhere in the castle.

“What do you mean?” she asked as she sat up from her bed, obviously interested.

I shrugged. “Well, he’s not getting enough sleep, and he’s not eating right. The bags under his eyes have gotten bigger. I want to know what’s going on, and he keeps dodging my questions. It’s getting ridiculous.”

She was silent for a moment before actually speaking. “Han, are you sure that you’re missing something? I mean you guys slept together, right, and you didn’t notice anything…weird?”

“Weird?” I echoed. “Why would I notice anything weird? Do you know something, Bella, which I should know?”

She was acting very weird. She had to know something about why Draco was acting the way he was. She was making it completely obvious that she did know. I mean, what kind of question was that? I mean, hello, Bella. You have a light flashing over your head with knowledge, knowledge that I need to know.

“You’re going to have to ask him, Han. If he’s not being open with you, then you need to confront him about it. I’ll talk to Blaise, see if I can get him to talk to Draco for you,” she added rather quickly.

I shook my head. “No, Bells. He has to tell me on his own terms. If he doesn’t, then I guess…” I trailed off, not able to say the words. “Then I guess we’re…” Over. I just couldn’t say that. We were meant to be. We could never be over.

She nodded in understanding. “I would break it off with him too if he doesn’t come clean.”

What I didn’t get was why Bella was keeping it from me. She’s my best mate. She tells me everything, but I guess she’s right. I should ask him first before asking her. It’s better that way. Then I won’t look like I was going behind his back, which isn’t much better than what he was doing. Apparently, communication was not a part of his philosophy on relationships.

With a sigh, I got off my bed. “Well, it’s time for my Ancient Runes class. I’ll see you later, Bells.”

“Bye, Han. Things will get better. I know they will,” she said as I closed the door behind me gently.

I felt empty. I felt like crying. I felt like punching a hole in the wall. I never had felt like this before. Robbie had never kept something from me while we were together. I wasn’t in love with him though, so I felt no obligation to care so deeply for his well being. Of course I still care about him, just not in the way that I care about Draco. I am in love with Draco. I will never be in love with anyone else as long as I live. I was going to get to the bottom of this. I was going to find out what was wrong with him. He’s not the Draco I fell in love with.

“Hey, Hanna.”

I had sat down in my usual seat, which was right beside Pansy. She never usually looked at me, but she had said hey. I just looked at her. She sounded genuinely…nice. That was weird for Pansy. She had never been nice to me, even before Draco. What was going on with her?

“Hey,” I said back.

“How have you been?” she asked.

“Umm, I’ve been fine.”

“Have you?” she asked, a little malice in her voice.

I raised an eyebrow up at her. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

She just shrugged before looking up at the front, where the professor was getting ready to teach. I don’t know what it was about her, but she hated me. I didn’t hate her. How could you hate anyone? It’s morally wrong to hate. I may dislike everything that Pansy does, but I don’t hate her.

I tapped Pansy on the shoulder before she could get away after class. “What did you mean?”

“What do you mean?” she retorted with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. “When you asked me if I’ve been fine?”

She shrugged. “What do you think I meant by it?”

“Cut the shit and tell me, Parkinson,” I said, getting angry.

She laughed. “Wow, the innocent one used a bad word. What’s become of you, Honeyyeager? Spending too much time with Draco perhaps.”

“Fine. Don’t tell me, bitch,” I said before walking out of the room. Bella has sure worn off on me. That was something Bella would totally do! Pansy is just…exactly what I said she was! That’s it. I hate her. I hate her so much. Why does she have to do this? Why? She’s just so…difficult!

I walked and walked until I was right outside the Great Hall. I stood there, not moving, not going in, and just staring inside. I was so angry and hurt. Why did she have to do that to me? Why was Draco doing this to me? I was breathing rather hard. People were just walking around me. Draco slowly made his way over from the Slytherin table over to wear I was standing and took my hand gently before leading me outside into the cold air. He turned to me and went to pull me into him, but I pulled back enough so that he wasn’t touching me. Tears were streaking my face as I looked into his eyes. They were blood shot and the top of the lids were starting to turn black as well. Was this from lack of sleep?

“Draco...?” I whispered. “What is happening to you?”

He looked down at his feet and licked his lips, as if he was choosing his words carefully. “Hanna, you wouldn’t understand if I told you. Maybe one day I will tell you, but this is something that I have to do on my own.”

“Why? Why do you have to do this on your own? I can help you, Draco. I’d do anything for you.”

He nodded. “I know that, love, but I really do have to do this on my own. I told you that you wouldn’t understand. I’ll tell you one day, I promise. I just don’t want you to worry, okay?”

“Worry?” she said in disbelief. “I’m already worried.”

“I know.”

“Draco,” she sighed and looked at him looking at his feet still, “look at me,” when he didn’t, she put her fingers under his chin and helped him look at her. “How is it that everyone seems to know but me? Bella knows what’s going on with you, which means that Blaise does as well. I’m your girlfriend. Why don’t I know?”

There was a slight pause. “That’s why you don’t know. I love you, Hanna, but I’m not ready for you to know yet. Can’t you just accept that?”

She shook her head as new tears stung her eyes. She threw her hands up before turning and running up to the castle. When she got to the doors, she turned to see if he had followed her, but no one was behind her. He really didn’t chase after her like she hoped he would.

“Hanna,” Bella called as soon as I walked through the doors into the entrance hall. “Oh, Han,” she said before pulling me into a tight hug.

My eyes wondered to the place where she had left. Blaise was standing there, watching us. He knew. He knew and would probably tell me. Bella wouldn’t tell me. Draco wouldn’t tell me. Perhaps he would tell me. I pushed Bella off me before approaching him.

“Blaise,” I started and he looked at me, not used to me addressing him like this. “What’s wrong with Draco? No one will tell me. You have to tell me, Blaise. You have to.”