A Long Hard Fought Journey (Completed)

Chapter 50: Hope's Growing Up

A/N: I added a song with this chapter and it is called Busted Heart by For King and Country. I know I used it before but I like it and it fits good with this.

Carson's POV

Hope is growing more each day and with each day she gains more strength. She gets stronger. She is always learning something new. Like this for instance, I went to the kitchen quick letting her lie on a blanket on her back and when I came back she flipped over and had figured out how to crawl so right away I called Mary-Kate downstairs and so we had to call the hospital to get her oxygen nubbins extended so that she can move more and so that she doesn't pull them out. We now have pictures of April or of me and April everywhere. All of our stuff had gotten moved over here about a month ago and our apartment was sold. I had a lot of money I had to save to pay Hope and April's  medical bills but I don't have to live alone and I couldn't bear going back to the old apartment. It is way to hard not to worry about Hope and everything but I have learned that things can get hard sometimes and me of all people should know that but I have to keep our love in a photograph and I keep on with me everyday along with her rings on a chain around my neck. Losing her was too much and too hard but who am I kidding it still is hard. The pain of losing her has lessened and is no longer that humongous black whole that was in my heart because it has lessened on my heart and has been lifted from my head. Hope has doctor appointments almost every week and every time I am worried that they are gonna tell me that I am gonna lose her too but we are all hoping that she has Aprils looks but mostly my genes. Of course the doctors told me that they don't know if her lungs will ever be strong enough for her to breathe on her own.She just turned one a month. If she makes it to live past a year than she is strong and will survive and shall prove the doctors wrong but that is if she makes it and lives past a year. I was hopeful and she was getting stronger that was until I got the call. The call that changed my life.It started as a mostly normal day. I had just gone to Hope's doctors appointment a week ago and they took some blood wanting to check and make sure she did not have April's cancer,we were hoping for the best. They said I would get the results in a week. I've been home scared out of my mind like any parent if they were in this position and I'm afraid that they are going to tell me that she has cancer and that there is nothing we can do especially since she already is small and weak from being a premature baby. Her lungs see to be remaining the same not better or worse and so far nothing has appeared on the scans. We are just hoping for the best. I was sitting in the living room with Hope asleep in my arms getting ready to lie her down in her bassinet.  The phone rang so I quickly sat her down and to where she wouldn't get caught in her oxygen tubes. I ran and quickly grabbed my cell phone off the counter. I didn't recognize the number but answered anyways because it may be the hospital. Hello,I answered and my voice shook a little. Carson,thank god I have the right number,she said. Wait,Mary-Kate,is that you,I asked. Yes,hurry there has been an accident,Jenna,Hazel,Noel,and I was heading to buy so more baby stuff because I forgot to tell you the good news that Jenna is having another baby and I am having twins,and I don't know--she started crying--what---to do----Jenna she's unconscious,it's raining and we are in a ditch near 86th and----sob---it looks as if she might be having a seizure---they are all bleeding--I'm the only one conscious,I----I--can't find our phones to call 911 and I don't know what to do---Carson--I need help-I'm scared,she cried out. Okay,Mary-Kate listen to me,stay on the phone with me and give me directions I will get there as soon as I can,if there is anything you can find to help the bleeding wounds and stop the bleeding it will help but be careful,I will be there as soon as I can and I will be on the phone the whole time,alright,I just need to grab Hope and the diaper bag,I said. I have never heard such a sigh of relief and a cry of desperation,a cry of hope,and a sob of being scared. I quickly grabbed the diaper bag with necessities and put Hope in the car seat basically running,I was a medic this was what I was made to do. I drove quickly in the rain,getting directions from a crying Mary-Kate. I found the ditch and pulled off the road and ended the call with Mary-Kate calling for an ambulance,calling for help in this pouring rain.Mary-Kate was sitting there in the cold drenched,shivering,and probably in shock,holding her hands protectively around her stomach. It's okay,Mary-Kate,I'm here it's going to be okay,I promise,I said. She didn't say a word. I looked seeing the car totaled and falling apart to the point it didn't even look like a car anymore. She wouldn't look me in the eye. It's my fault,she mumbled. God,no,Mary-Kate,listen to me it is not your fault,the rain is coming down,I said. I checked on all of them and thank the lord they were still breathing although I am concerned about Jenna. They're fine Kate,they are still alive it is okay,I said. I had called her by her sometimes not used often nickname which we called her when she is insecure. I freed them all from the vehicle. I remembered the first aid kit I always kept in my car for emergencies like this. I got another call this time telling me that Hope has leukemia and I fell apart but remained strong on the outside falling apart inside with  black hole growing on my heart. They told me that at most,from looking at the results and scans,that she has a top of 5 months left to live.I almost died and busted out crying hearing that she is inevitably going to die at a young age like her mom except her mom was older but still young. They said that with her age and condition she is too fragile and that it is too much of a risk that we cannot do treatment like Chemo or Radiation but can only give her medicine to make the time she has left more pleasant because the cancer is everywhere. She has leukemia and ostreocarcoma which is a type of bone cancer.