A Long Hard Fought Journey (Completed)

Chapter 17: Thinking MoreReturning to Schooland My Doctors Appointment

I'm on so many medications that I can't keep count most for pain,my leg,wrist,ribs,and my PTSD. I have an ankle brace to wear if my ankle starts to bother me. Once I get the cast off my leg that was broke in three places I will be fitted for an ace knee brace but I won't instantly start wearing it since I will have a fabric cast and a cloth brace cast before I will wear the knee brace in 11th grade since my knee was injured badly unlike the other 2 places which were just small little fractures and I will finally get off of my crutches. I'm healing faster than anyone thought even though I still have a weak immune system and lungs plus not being able to remember much about what had happened in the past several months that is mostly what scares me is that I may never get my memory back.There is also short term memory loss because I forget things quick and then remember them the next day but only stuff that happened in the past day or 2 and that is it. They are still calling me a miracle but it is by the hands of god and his grace. The high school was aware of the situation at hand because she informed them right away and had to meet with them and my parents. If I need a ton of help they can hire a aid but I turned them down because I don't want a stranger so they decided that as long as Joseph doesn't miss to much in class then they are gonna give him a special pass for him to help me since he is in 12th and is trustworthy,they had decided to try something new. Summer fun,mostly spent sleeping and having a little fun to keep me from depression, quickly came to an end as school quickly went back in. The 1st day ended quick with people giving me glances and pitying me which was an advantage cause I didn't get as much homework. As I was leaving from my last class in my wheelchair and up the ramp to meet Joseph in the front where he would pick me up and we'd go home and meet Nic there. I kept going and by the bathroom I saw him hugging and kissing another girl. There were people walking by asking if I was okay so I smiled,said yeah,pretending it was,and wheeled away to the front office exit,holding back my tears that were about to open up into a flood. How could he do this to me,I wondered,about to cry.Then when I got to the door,relief flooded through me, I realized it wasn't him I saw because he was at the door waiting for me,signing us out. Thank god,I thought,still upset about to cry.Hey,---are you alright,he asked me when I got close to him. Yeah,I lied since I knew it wasn't true,I didn't like lying to him but if I said the truth,I would've had to explain and I would prefer not to do that here because when I did I was gonna start sobbing.I was quickly trying to blink the tears out of my eyes. I love you,I said once we were out the door.And I love you,too,he said. We went to the Jeep and went home. It was good because I was exhausted and only still a little upset for believing that it was him. He's not like that and how could I even thought that for a second.He's gone through everything with me.He is the one who saved my life after finding me lying on the floor.He found me. We were in a car accident. He's saved me.I'm still healing. His cuts along with his ribs and concussion have healed long ago and you can't tell that they were there. The stitches on my forehead have dissolved without a scar so I no longer have the bandage over it.He has also gotten his Jeep back about 2 months ago. A week into October after lots of stolen secret hugs and kisses we decided no matter how scary it is hopefully Alexis would accept that we were together because we knew we just had to tell her. We talked late every night before bed. He still laid with me and we slept in the bed together since that was the only way we could keep the nightmares away. I believe that by now they know something is up. In 2 months I will turn 15. 3 weeks into October used to our weird schedule had I realized my doctors appointment was in October not December. Joseph,since he was allowed to, signed us out of school and it was for the day because he didn't think we'd be back. We once again left at 12 for my doctors appointment but this time there wasn't an accident thank god because I wouldn't be able to handle it. When we got to the hospital they took me in and started the exam. They sedated me and took me for some scans,blood-work,and tests. They also took the cast off my leg while I was asleep and it was healed mostly. Joseph didn't leave my side for a minute. When I woke they put the fabric cast on and showed me how to fasten it and put it on by myself although Alexis and Joseph can help me.I was out of it and felt half sick but ignored the feeling of it. I still wasn't aloud to walk on my leg to much since it still wasn't fully healed although I did have an hour of physical therapy even though I wasn't fully up to it they didn't want my leg to be any more stiff than it already was so with assistance I got to walk on my own. I am allowed to use crutches though. They still want me to keep my ribs wrapped but they are healing.They took the huge arm cast off too so all I had to do was wear a small brace on my wrist every now and then to keep it stabilized but if I don't want to wear it all the time if I don't want to nor do I have to at night. If I do though it may be 100% healed a little bit faster. It is but to make sure it is strong.All of my stitches were fully dissolved to so I no longer had to use the wheelchair at least for right now. I knew that I probably wasn't done,yet. I still couldn't remember much but they said it was fine and that I also still had acute short term memory loss. I never asked for sympathy even when I cried but I still got it and sometimes I was glad because it was way different from pity that most people gave me. I've been so busy that it feels like I haven't seen my friends hardly at all.I will have small check ups and physical therapy some but not full exams like today until next year and 11th grade but the one in 10th is only for my leg although I could tell the doctors were hiding something from me but I was so tired and out of it I didn't bother asking I would find out eventually.After my appointment.I was a little more awake though I still felt a little sick probably only from the sedative and I was so nervous I skipped lunch.Alexis had gotten off her shift until morning so we went for dinner at Cracker Barrel. I still felt sick and didn't really want to eat but I made myself so they won't worry about me.I used my crutches since we gave the wheelchair back to the hospital. When we went home,I took a quick shower,took my meds,and climbed in bed to wait for Joseph and fell asleep before he came in. I felt him lay down next to me on the bed and he kissed me on my forehead. I still had the fabric cast on which was blue with white velcros so I can adjust how tight it is and so it holds my leg in place,but I can take it off when I want to. I woke up when he kissed my forehead.He grabbed the remote for his TV.I ran my fingers through his still slightly damp hair since he had taken a shower. He offered a small smile and planted a kiss on my cheek.I returned his smile. He turned the TV on and we watched a movie called Racing 47 which was one out of the series that was his favorite. It was really good. Beings we had school the next morning and on time hopefully,we had to go to sleep around 11 and no later if we were caught by Alexis we would get in trouble. We kissed gently on the lips. I love you,I told him. I love you more,he said. It was 8:30 p.m. so we watched the movie.I fell asleep right before it ended. We were all wrapped in the blankets and I was snuggled into him,in his arms since I was still cold all the time. I loved being able to lean into his strong chest and arms.He grabbed the remote and cut off the TV seeing I was asleep and the movie was over.He smiled before kissing my forehead. He laid closer to me and wrapped his arms protectively around me tighter,drawing me closer,to keep me warm and get me warm. I'm always apart of everything in their family even though I'm hardly even a distant relative.I'm definitely not depressed my life was full of joy and things were finally looking up and happy. We all knew my healthy period wouldn't last for long if only I asked the doctor and he told us what he was hiding.We woke the next morning and were ready to go although I still felt slightly sick I didn't tell anyone and just ignored it.I had both of my bookbag straps on both shoulders for the first time in ages and made it down the steps to the Jeep on my own. I felt so much stronger.We cherished every moment,loving it and each other deeply for it may not last forever. He pulled into a parking space. He helped me out and closed the Jeep door,grabbing his bookbag since they were both at my feet and I already had mine. We walked into school together the bus driver in the bus dropping other teens off letting us walk so I didn't have to wait. He signed us in for the day.He walked me to my homeroom class,gave me a kiss outside the door,said,see you later and left. I walked in and found my seat.It was a good day for now. At lunch, I met up with my BFF August.She and I had become pretty close and she enveloped me in a hug.She knew what I went through although unaware that I died and came back but she understood.We got our lunch which she carried for me since I couldn't. I met up with Darcy and Carrie too.They took me to where our table would be with our group of friends. I would sit with Joseph but our lunches are at different times. It feels as though I haven't talked to them in forever and I haven't asides from texting since I missed most of 8th grade.I almost made it through the day without pain or the sick feeling until after my orchestral strings class I have been taking for years. I would have a band class also but I can't because I missed the year where I was gonna learn the notes. As I was leaving for my next class which was art the sickening feeling was stronger and there was a pain in my head. The last thing I remembered was hearing someone run down the hall. It was all black. When I woke about an hour later,I was in the nurses office with Joseph at my side. What happened,I asked him.Did you eat lunch, you passed out,are you feeling okay and well enough to go back to class if not I can get our work and message mom,we'll go home and maybe to the hospital for a checkup,he said. No,I'm fine,I said even though that wasn't entirely true. We went back to class and the rest of the day was fine. He must've been the one to find me since he is the only one used to carrying me even though I am so light anyone could. By the time school was over I was exhausted still feeling a little sick although I'm sure it is nothing just a cold I picked up since my immune system still hasn't recovered fully and is still pretty weak. My bookbag was pretty heavy but it was from homework and a little make up work that I had. It is gonna take forever for me to finish it especially since I am tired and still feel a little sick although it isn't as much. Just thank goodness playing bass has made me strong and given me heavy,well built shoulders so I was strong enough to carry it on my own. I met up with Joseph at the office. He'd signed us out already. Hey,he said and then questioned,--are you alright. He knew when something was wrong and there was totally something wrong. I just nodded,offered him a smile as if to say not here and reassuring him,and walked ahead of him on my crutches but only a little ways and not too fast either.I had to get out of there before I burst out crying. I hated lying to him but I found my results and he has no idea.Once out at the Jeep after the buses left,Joseph took our bookbags and my crutches and put them in the back this time.I closed the door and buckled my seatbelt. He got in,kissed me on my forehead lightly before starting the Jeep,and cutting on the A/C since it was pretty warm that day. Iz,seriously what's wrong,he questioned,you know you can tell me anything. He had called me Iz that was different and I liked it.It's just........,I started,can we wait till we get home? Alright,as long as you tell me,he said.He drove home and we got there just a minute before Nic. Even though Alexis was off today she had errands to run and won't get home till a little while later and Nic couldn't be home alone.I didn't want to tell him what was wrong but if I had to,at least it wasn't at school because I would burst out bawling and wouldn't be able to stop. People are thinking that I'm strong finally and if they see me crying they will think that I'm weak.We were finally inside. I was still upset and the more I thought about it,the more the tears welled up closer to overflowing in my eyes threatening to spill into a flood. Noah was at work,Alexis wasn't home yet,his grandma was babysitting,and my mom may be coming by later.He had carried my bookbag in the bedroom after getting Nic,who is in 2nd grade now, settled in the living room with a snack and movie.I was kinda hungry but didn't say nothing because even after living here for 2 years and still a lot longer it still feels as though I am intruding even just getting a snack out of the fridge. In the bedroom,I leaned my crutches against the wall,and hopped on one foot holding onto the bed for support and finally sat down on the edge of the bed. Joseph had went to get Nic a snack and start a movie. He'd do his homework later with Noah or Alexis. I just wanted this messed up life to end,to just go to sleep and never wake up but then again I already messed up our lives several times and I don't want to anymore than I have but you can't always control what happens in life and I don't want to mess up anyone's lives anymore than I already have but sometimes it is out of our control. I just had to stay alive and keep fighting and hard,I can live,no matter what. I still had the tears in my eyes just thinking about telling him and they were dangerously close to spilling over.