Letters To Ava

Eleven: The Double Date

Ava,

So when Sarah and I dated that crazy junior year, I felt like we were friends, still, but more flirting and kissing and staring into each other's eyes and blushing (on Sarah's part, by the way). But every once in a while I found myself forcing a smile, a kiss, and a simple word that surely made her tummy fill with butterflies and unicorns and girly stuff. But then I would force that thought away and banish it from my mind because I liked her. (Still early for the L-word.)

And now, Ava, I don't feel like I need to force it...

So anyway. Back to junior year. The holidays came and went. Thanksgiving was spent at my house, with you and Sarah and absolutely no Howard, which really made my day. After dinner was done and you and Sarah helped with the cleaning up with Mom, while my dad, who was home for the holidays, too, and I argued whether to watch the soccer game or the Grand Prix, and I drove you two home and I tossed my keys onto that table where we keep our house keys and spare change, Mom and Dad cornered me and Mom gushed about how sweet and kind Sarah is, and of course, son, Ava, too, and I'm personally happy for you two, really. And Dad just patted me on the back and thankfully spared me "The Talk." And they insisted that if you guys don't have plans, to invite you for Christmas dinner, too.

So we did have Christmas dinner, along with your parents, and along with Sarah's but unfortunately Howard was there, and my mood dropped. He brought along his mom, and he was really polite. It made my head throb with all of his rubbish pleases, and thank yous, and what a nice house, Mrs. West, right Mom? And the worst, the worst of all his pleasantries: you son is one of the good ones, Mr. and Mrs. West. When I heard what he said, I felt bile rising and prayed I wouldn't throw up in my Mom's hard work. I luckily didn't, but I did heave after all of you left. Mom was appalled, thinking her ever flawless cooking gave me food poisoning and worrying that our guests must be sick, too. I assured her it was nothing, just eaten too much. I received a lecture about gluttony, but it was all right.

One crisp February afternoon, you were still so happy that we were, in your words, finally dating. You said you waited forever for us to hit it on. That it was pretty painful to see us date other people instead of the two of us. Sarah and I rolled our eyes at that statement. But it was I who caught a twang of shakiness in your voice, but I didn't see it then. And I didn't mind.

Now I wasn't sad that I was the only single guy in our group. I was happy when Sarah and I shared our lunches-and it was kind of because it was cheaper-and Cody and Lillie and Jo would pretend to gag. I was happy we held hands in the hallways, when teachers weren't in sight. And when sneak a kiss before and after class-

Okay, I'm going to stop. You might be emptying the contents of your stomach right now, wherever you are.

Maybe I'll just tell you where we dated. I forbade Sarah to tell you any details of where we went on our next dates because if you knew, we'd just be giving you more ammunition to tease us with. And you were already painful to hear so we just wanted you to shut it.

So anyway, you were so giddy about Sarah and me together that you arranged a double date. Sarah and I, you and Howard. You said it's been months-two, to be exact-since all fours of us hung out-we never did, what the hell, Ava?-and that it'd be "fun." And we all know, by the end of the night, that it wasn't fun.

When you proposed this to us, Sarah and I (I'm starting to like the way those three words sound: Sarah and I Sarah and I Sarah and I...) exchanged an uneasy glance. We knew right then and there that you just did it to see how Sarah and I-there it is again!-act on our dates. So we told you we'd think about it. You pouted and faced Howard, who I kinda forgot was there the whole time.

"I can't believe it. They already said no," you sighed dramatically. I saw Howard cringe at the sound of his first name, but kept silent about it. You were the only one who was allowed to call him that.