You Are My Life

Chapter 14- Song Groove

Saria’s p.o.v.

For most of the night I spent my time pacing the hotel room trying to figure out what to do, crying my eyes out because I felt so alone and scared, and running to the bathroom to relieve my stomach of its inconvenient heaving. I fell back on the bed as I looked up at the ceiling debating on what I should do in the near future. I was really falling for Michael but I wasn’t so sure he’d want me after finding out that I was carrying another mans child, and on top of that I didn’t even know who the father was. I felt more used and violated now than I had after that actual night, who would want something already used? I wasn’t ready to be a mother yet either; I have trouble keeping myself in line half the time how was I supposed to be in charge of caring for another human being? I laid there a little longer when I heard the jiggling of the door handle, I figured it was Michael but I still tensed up in fear that it was someone else. The door swayed open as Mike walked in and smiled warmly at me, “How are you feeling?” I put on the best fake smile I could and sat up on the bed, “doing better than before.” His smile disappeared as he walked closer to me and sat on the bed. It was silent for awhile until he spoke up, “….why is it I’m having a hard time believing you’re fine…,” I looked down at my hands as I fumbled around with the tie on my pj shorts. “Michael…. I-I’m so confused; I don’t know what to think about this. I mean I’m going to have a baby and it’s going to remind me everyday I look into its eyes that it was conceived from a painful memory of mine. Not only will I have to deal with that, I don’t think I’m ready to be mom yet.” “I think no matter how that child was made, you’ll love it because it’s yours,” “Michael I don’t think I could. I think I’ll probably give it up for adoption……if I have it.” His head shot up and he looked me in the eyes with a look of pain and slight disgust, “Please Saria, don’t consider that, it’s not an option. You’d be taking that baby’s life from it! You can do it your strong, I believe you’ll be the best mom that baby could have.” He wrapped his arms around me as he spoke softly. I felt my emotions and hormones mix viciously as my face burned in anger. I exploded at Michael, “No! You don’t understand Michael, this baby growing inside of me is my mistake, a mistake I didn’t have a decision over then but now I do. I can’t take being pregnant with something that was created from me going through unwanted sex! It’s a painful memory as it is and I can’t take the pressure it’ll put on me. I can’t be mother yet, I’m not ready! And you know what?? I wouldn’t be in this situation if I just would have stayed home instead of thinking I actually had a chance to go to your stupid concert, none of this would have happened if it weren’t for that day!!!” I shut my mouth after I realized what I had said; Michael dropped his hand from my shoulder as he lowered his head. I could hear his sniffles as he sat there in silence. “……Michael I’m sorry……I didn’t mean it like that….” He held his hand up to me and walked towards the bathroom. He shut the door quietly as I heard the room fall back into silence and the sharp noise of the lock click. I cringed as I heard that and him slide down against the door. I begin crying as I walked over to the door and sunk down against it as well. “Michael please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that…….please answer me.” I sat in silence for what felt like the whole night just crying against the door. I drifted off to sleep in front of the door sobbing and just hoping that he’d forgive me. I don’t know how long I was out for but I begin waking up when I felt someone pick me up and lay me down on sheets. I sat up and rubbed my eyes realizing Michael had finally come out of the bathroom and picked me up and sat me in the bed. I looked up at him and he looked down the other direction. “Michael…..please,” I said grabbing his chin to make him look at me. I could see the pain in his eyes and it made me tear up a little too, “I don’t regret meeting you one bit, I regret what I had to go through that night though. No matter how much pain I went through that night I’ll always be happy because you saved me and took me in. I’m happy beyond words that I had the chance to meet you and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Please forgive me, I’m not thinking completely straight with all these pregnant chick hormones.” He smiled slightly, “I couldn’t stay mad at you for very long. I’m sorry you had to go through that too, but I’m glad we got the chance to meet each other.” He leaned down and wrapped me in his strong arms, at that moment I felt warm, happy, and safe. God I wanted to die just thinking about Michael being upset with me and possibly never talking to me ever again. I really think I’m falling more and more for him but I’m afraid he’s not going to want me after this is all over. I let go of him and laid down snuggling into his side as he sunk back down as well. We were dozing off to sleep but something still was bothering me but I don’t know what.