You Are My Life

Chapter 22- Scream

Michaels p.o.v.

I sat up stretching out all the tenseness that built up in my muscles; I looked over and noticed Saria still sleeping. I smiled and stood up, this is the first time I’ve woke up to her still sleeping, and peacefully too, since the baby. I quietly made my way out of the room and down the stairs; I decided I would surprise her with some breakfast. I made some waffles, sliced fruit, bacon, and a cup of orange juice. I put it on a platter and headed back up stairs. When I walked in she was still asleep, “Saria, babe wake up. I have something for you...” I spoke softly as I sat the tray next to the bed and begin nudging her. She didn’t move or respond in anyway to me. She lay there completely motionless, I started freaking out. I checked her breathing, it was steady but she wasn’t waking up. I decided she was probably just really tired from not getting a lot of sleep over the past 3 weeks, god knows I know how that goes. I took the tray back downstairs and went back to the room. I crawled back into the bed and pulled her up to lay across my chest. I quietly played with her long honey-blonde hair as it formed slight ringlets around my fingertips. It was actually quite peaceful and different from the storm we’ve been through since that day. As soon as we got home from the hospital she locked herself in the bathroom and stayed in there for 4 hours. I tried everything to get her out and cheer her up. I’d tell her all kinds of things and do different things to try to get her mind off all of it, but it consumes her every thought, I can see it in her restless eyes. I feel it in the words hanging in the still air. She secretly blames herself and it eats away at her. It pains me to see the one I love do this to herself. She won’t let anyone in and just focuses on the negative of the entire situation. I sighed thinking of all that’s happened recently and the fact that we’re laying here together in a peace we haven’t felt in a long time, it feels nice. I listened to the faint sound of birds chirping outside and the sound of our slow breathing beating against each other. My hands instinctively begin rubbing up and down her back as I held her as close as possible, hoping that my grasp on her would keep her from mentally and emotionally slipping away from me. After about an hour of her resting more and me just laying with her, I decided to get up and head down to the office. I worked on some business stuff while she continued to sleep. I looked up from my desk covered in paperwork and realized the violet-blues painting the sky, evening. I got up and headed back to the bedroom. When I walked in I realized she was up; she sat quietly in a chair out on the balcony. I made my way secretly behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. At first she tensed up almost in an unwelcoming way, but let her muscle relax and rested one of her hands on my arms. “You feel better baby?” I asked planting a kiss on her head. She kind of coughed and nodded as she croaked out, “y-yeah.” “Let me get you some water, I’ll be right back.” I let go of her as I walked to the bathroom. I flipped on the light and couldn’t find the glass. It was sitting on the edge of the tub instead of the counter top by the sink, that’s odd. I reached down and flipped the knob to cold and ran some water in the glass. I looked up at the mirror and realized the medicine cabinet was slightly opened. I gave a quizzical look as I opened it all the way. Nearly dropping the glass, I noticed the lid half-way unscrewed on one of the bottles, Xanax. But I haven’t used this in months, who could have…………oh my god. My heart fell into my stomach and I felt my hands begin to shake. I picked up the glass and hid the bottle behind my back as I walked as calmly as possible back out to the bedroom. “Hey honey, did you have a good sleep?” I asked handing her the water as she sat on the edge of the bed. She took a drink and held the glass up to her face, “yeah, I feel like I haven’t slept in forever. But last night I actually slept.” “that’s good…..what time did you go to bed?” I asked standing next to the bed gripping the bottle behind my back harder and harder. “oh I don’t really remember, sometime around 2 I think?” I sighed, “Saria, did you use anything to sleep? Or were you wanting to get sleep out of them!” I said through gripped teeth as I held the bottle in front of me. Her eyes went wide and she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “Saria! What were you taking these for? You realize you took three, THREE! THAT        COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!!! YOU COULD HAVE OVERDOSED IN YOUR SLEEP AND I WOULDN’T HAVE KNOWN!!!! She sat silently looking down at the ground. “M-Michael…..you don’t understand I ca-” “YOU CAN’T WHAT? YOU CANT LET ME HELP YOU? YOU WON’T TALK TO ME SO I CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU? SARIA I SAT HERE TRYING TO HELP YOU BUT YOU PUSH ME OUT, YOU KEEP TO YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT I’VE TRIED TO DO!!! I CANT SARIA, IT KILLS ME MORE TO SEE YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF AND NOW YOU’RE TAKING MEDICINE YOU DON’T NEED. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, I CANT DO ANYTHING UNLESS YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED.” I said as I sat on the ground next to her holding her hands in mine as I laid my head on her lap fighting back tears. I felt so angry that she was doing this to herself and I couldn’t even get to her to help her. It’s the worst feeling in the world to watch someone you love just completely crumble without you even being able to stop it. “Saria?” I whispered through sniffles, “Please….please let me help you, how can I help you. Obviously time to heal isn’t enough. Tell me…” she sat there motionless staring past me out to the balcony. “Saria?” still no answer. I stood up and backed away. “SARIA I LOVE YOU TO PIECES BUT I CANT DO ANYTHING FOR YOU IF YOU DON’T HELP ME!!!!! I’M TRYING AND YOU’RE STILL PUSHING ME AWAY. I CANT DO THIS IF YOUR NOT GOING TO TRY!!!” And with that I walked out of the room and slammed the door behind me. I tore my way down the hall just about knocking everything down in my way. I went straight to my studio wiping away hot angry tears the entire time. I slammed the door shut and let it echo through the big empty feeling house.