The Hydra Diaries

Day 1

Guess who's workin' for Hyyydraaa? That's right. Me. Unless you guessed someone else. Then you're wrong.

How did I join, you ask? Well, long story short - I was recruited. Sort of. Actually, I was with S.H.I.E.L.D. and I... Well, this isn't exactly a "long story short". It's just a long story.

I was recruited as an intern for S.H.- God, that's hard to type. I'll just leave out the periods. Anyway, I was recruited as an intern for SHIELD a few years back. Except I hated it. They seem like good guys, but it was awful! They kept everything hidden like the entire organization was some kind of riddle. Except no one had any clues.

After SHIELD's fall and all, I followed my trustworthy sidekick Grant Douglas Ward (he hates when I use his full name) into Hydra. I would always complain to him about how crappy SHIELD was, and he always listened. Joining Hydra was really hard, though. It went a little something like this:

A shit ton of Hydra dudes with big guns: [surround me and aim at me]

Me: [holds my hands up] Wait, don't shoot, I hate it here, I'm joining Hydra.

Shit ton of scary Hydra dudes: [LOUD SYNCHRONIZED GUN COCKING]

Ward: [pushes through and approaches me] Don't shoot... She's serious.

Hydra shit ton: [lowers their guns]

Me: [takes my SHIELD vest off] Good, because I'm finally ready to get out of this place.

Ward: Under one condition: It'll be dangerous.

Me: Good.

Ward: But it'll be fun.

Me: Even better.

This has been no danger or fun at all. Damn you, Ward.

So far, they've been trying to protect the hell out of me. Like, really. My room is underground and the door is made out of some heavy metal. I have a TV, though, so at least I can be trapped below sea level in a room made of Iron Man's shit and still be able to catch up on Grey's Anatomy.

On the bright side, they needed someone to guard me just in case there were any intruders. I got Ward! We're actual roomies! Yay!

Not yay.

He's super cool and all but he's always watching my every move. He's watching me type this. Like, what the hell?! At least I'm used to having him around, or else I'd be asking him to back off. At least two feet away. Even when I use the bathroom, he has to escort me down the hall.

Ward's pretty awesome, though. I mean, he's got a sense of humor. Sarcastic, but funny. Except when he's teasing me. Then I get pissed. But his hair is really great. I'm always throwing glitter in it or using those temporary highlights. Well, I used to. Until I accidentally permanently highlighted his hair neon green... Let's just say he looks like an egg with a buzz cut.

But he loves me. He can't live without me. I'm the peanut butter to his jelly. I'm the H2 to his O. He absolutely loves me.

Me: [coughs]

Ward: Shut up.

Well, it's more of a misunderstood like.

Kidding!

Ever since I was stuck in hell- I mean SHIELD, Ward and I became best friends almost instantly. He would always give me piggyback rides and help me reach things on the top shelves and all that good tall people stuff. C'mon, he's 6'3"! That's taller than Captain America!

Tomorrow, Ward and I are going to do something horrible. Disgusting. Absolutely terrible.

We're gonna make brownies.

I know it doesn't seem like the most Hydra-ish thing to do, but we literally have nothing to do. We're trying to stay as quiet as possible. Besides, why not have a little fun while we can? Life's too short to sit around and do nothing. We're gonna make the best damn brownies you've ever seen.

~ HH