The Hydra Diaries

Day 9

October 18, 2015

Shit! I forgot to write again!

Well, you shippers are gonna love this one. It all started in the morning. Ward woke up, I woke up. We went through our normal routine. Ward would carry my lazy ass out of bed and to the bathroom, where we'd both brush our teeth, shower, and fix our hair.

Wait, dammit, no. We took turns showering.

Anyway, after that, we made cereal for breakfast, watched TV for about an hour, then went to training.

It turns out, the explosion was a from the lab. A chemical reaction went wrong and, well, yeah. RIP Chemistry Lab.

Ever since the explosion, Ward thought it would be a good idea for me to go through some training. If there were ever an emergency, I'd have to know how to react immediately.

Ugh, this story is getting boring. Blah, blah, blah, we trained together for a few hours... Then we took turns showering again. Okay. Now it gets interesting.

Pajamas and cuddles, no? Pajamas and kisses! Ward tried to freakin' kiss me! Everything was going a-okay until he locks eyes with me and goes for it. Shiiit. I've gotta admit, I almost kissed him back. Almost. But I just stopped him and kept hugging him. I mean, I guess he seemed pretty casual about it. He knows when to leave me the hell alone when I'm pissed.

But I wasn't pissed. I was kinda shocked. Out of all of the time that we've spent together, how come he decides that now would be the best time to make a move?

It got ever weirder after that. He gave me a worried looks, so I just whispered that we should only be friends. He looked a little hurt, then wrapped me up in a nice, warm hug.

WHY THE HELL DID I SAY THAT?!

First off, I don't even know. I didn't panic, I didn't fall under pressure... I just really didn't want to say yes. I love him and I care a shit ton about him and I can't live without him but... I couldn't. Instead, I wanted him to know that I cared about him. I held up his arm and kissed over all of his scars.

Listen, dudes. If you or anyone else you know is self harming, stop it. It's honestly not worth it. It's a lot of physical pain for a short time, but it honestly won't help you. You'll just be stuck with the memory of the scars forever. And if you're not, then just know this. Y'all are amazing and perfect and I love you.

I let myself fall asleep in Ward's arms, dreaming about us on a sailboat again. We were just floating, out in the middle of the ocean. We were wearing matching sailor outfits and hats. It seemed like everything was perfect. If I had to be alone on a boat, sailing through the beautiful waters, I'd be glad to do it with the person I love.

~ HH