In my head

Chapter 16

A/N: I changed Charlottes brother to be her older brother and his name is Alec now. It was confusing me.

We've talked a bit about a funeral, I eventually left the room. I couldn't take it. Listening that mum has gone, we need to move on. Arranging a funeral is hard. I mean we have the money, but letting more family and friends know, is going to kill us. I hate this feeling. I'm starting to realize that I didn't except the fact that mum had left. I've been waiting for her to come downstairs after work and kiss me goodnight. And wake me up for school.

There's guy in the dining room with my brother and dad, my Aunty is also here. She's the rock in the family, if something bad goes down she steps in and fixes she keeps the family together. It's pretty hard for her this time though, its her sister. She says she's ok but her smile doesn't match her eyes, and eyes tell you everything if you know how to read them.

The funeral is going to be on Sunday so 4 days from now. The party is tomorrow night, I'll have 2 days to get over the party before the funeral.

*

Its now Friday I didn't go to school on Thursday or today, I wasn't up to it. I've had texts left, right and center being asked if I'm still going to the party. The answer was yes. I don't care how upset I feel, I'm still going.

I decide to put my book down and get ready for the party. It's getting cold, I can say it is no where near as cold as it is back in England. Todays temperature was 20 degrees and everyone complains, I was wearing shorts and a shirt, it was lovely weather.

I decide on a black long sleeve crop top, and my light blue skinny jeans. I roll them up to my ankles and pull on my black ankle boots. I pin back the hair on the sides and apply a bit of makeup. Pushing my phone into my back pocket and walking up the stairs, I leave the house yelling out 'goodbye'.

The party is only down the road, so I'm walking. I don't know how to feel. Upset. Angry. Happy. Alone? Alone is probably how I feel. Even though I am always surrounded by someone, I feel alone. Alone because mum isn't here. I don't have anyone to tell how my day went, or to bitch about the people I don't like. Which we did quite a lot.

I finally arrive at the house and the garden is filled with kids smooching, red cups, and a lounge.... I open the door and a whiff of smoke feels my nostrils. I walk further into the small house. For someone who's so rich, she sure saves her money. Everywhere I look people are snogging, drinking or grinding onto each others crotch.

Someone wraps there arms around me and I turn around slightly to see some drunk to grind on me. I go to nudge him off until someone rips him off me. Aaron. I smile at him and he grabs my hand pulling me through the crowded halls until we reach a couch where all out friends are.

I'm handed a red cup. I take a sip and the liquid burns my throat as it makes its way down. I cringe and everyone laughs. I've never been the one to like alcohol and I can see that nothing has changed. although tonight I am going to drink. My life is already messed up and this could help me take my mind off some things.

I finally spot Jake, but as I go to stand up everything around me spins around, I sit back down instantly. I haven't really been listening to any of the conversations going around the circle. Everyone now knows about my mum, no one questions it. I know their here for me if I need anyone to talk to.

I look up again and see someone dragging Jake to the front of the house. I don't think anything about it, he doesn't seem drunk. But why hasn't he come to me and say hi.

I grab another drink until Joy leans over and takes it off me. "I think you've had enough, don't you?" she asks, I shake my head in response but don't bother arguing. I haven't said a word since I got here, all I've been doing is drinking whilst leaning my back against a couch as I sit on the floor.

About an hour later I have sobered up a bit. I've started talking to people and laughing. Joy gets up and walks to the front of the house where I remember Jake was going earlier. I follow her to a room and stop once she's inside, Joy slams the door behind her, hard enough to make the whole house to go quiet and the music t be turned off.

I hear yelling and I open the door to see the least expected.

Kelsie on top of Jake.

Red. Red is all I see. Joy turns around and sees me standing there. She rushes over to me but I push her away and grab Kelsie by the hair and throw her on the floor. Next was Jake. He stands up in front of me and sways side to side like he's intoxicated. Before he can say anything I yell at him.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" I scream. I slap him so hard across the face it stings my hand, and a red mark starts to form on his cheek. I'm more angry now then when he cheated on me the first time. "YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO CHANGE, YOU PROMISED!" he slowly raises his hand to his cheek and rubs it softly.

He just stares at me, he looks lost, and crying out for help at the same time. "Don't you ever come near me again." I say through clenched teeth.

I make my way through the little crowd that has surrounded the door to the bedroom. I storm out the front door of the house and I collapse to the ground. My eyes are open but all I'm able to see is red. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse this had to happen. My heart is broken, there is nothing left anymore. I'm broken. Joy and Jason take me home and stay the night.

Alec sees me crying and asks what's wrong, I don't answer him I just throw myself at him and hug him as tight as I can. His strong arms wrap around my fragile body and he squeezes me like he's trying to put me back together.

I tell him everything that happened and I've never seen this side of him before but he went all protective mode. Alec started calling him names and said he swears to god he's going to punch the shit out of him. To be honest I don't care what he does to him at the moment he deserves everything he gets.

......
I lay in my bed wrapped in my quilt. My heads resting on Jason's lap and Joy hugging me from the back. I haven't said anything since I told Alec what happened.
I think we've been on my bed for a few hours, maybe 30 minutes ago, Alec left the house with a slam of the front door.

Finally I sit up, and walk out of my room with the quilt still around me. I come to my room minutes later with a tub of ice-cream and three spoons.
"Cookies and cream, nice choice" jason whispers.
"This is what they do in the movies right? Live off ice-cream and cry their hearts out?" I whisper back.

I grab a movie and put it into the tv and we all sit back against the head board and eat. I have stopped crying. But I haven't smiled, laughed, frowned. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He just wasn't the one for me. I thought I could change him, I honestly thought I could.
Instead life has just punched me right in the face. And I've lost him. I've lost my mum. I've lost feelings. And my heart.