Screw

18. Twelve O' Clock

It was 12:00, by the time displayed in the panel above the front window screen. Duff stared up at it. He was on one of the benchseats which surrounded the table, staring avidly out the window beside him at the passing scenery. A vodka bottle, half empty, stood evidence to his alcoholism on the table before him. He had lost count of how many bottles he'd had today, or rather, hadn't bothered counting them as he consumed one after another until now, seated at the table on the bus, Duff sat drinking alone. Every other member of the band was in bed, and Celine had transferred over to the girls' bus when they had last stopped. Tomorrow, they would all be performing, so they would need their rest, but Duff couldn't stop thinking. It was 12:05, now. Duff glanced at the bottle before him. He lifted his hand, detangling a few knots as his fingers slid along the lengths of blonde hair, seperating them from one another. He brought his hand back up near his scalp, and again, ran his fingers through his long tresses.
He shuffled in his seat, moved his hand from his head to pick up the alcohol and swig it, and he shut his eyes for a fraction of a second.
Just as his eyelashes fluttered closed, the floor seemed to drop from underneath him, panic gripped him, his heart beginning to beat very fast, and his breathing quickened. Duff knew the sensation all too well- he was having a panic attack.
He lifted his knees up to his chest, scooting back so that his back rested against the wall beside the window, sitting sideways in the seat. He tried to calm his breathing.

Meanwhile...
Estrella lay awake in bed, staring up at the underside of the bunk above her. The bus trundled along, now and then hitting a bump and swaying slightly.
Idly, she wondered what Duff was up to. She did feel bad, being so indecisive. One second she was responsive to his advances, the next she was pushing him away, and she knew very well that it was unfair to him, and must be frustrating. Duff was just so... irresistible, but she was afraid of getting too close. It wasn't that he'd lied to her before, or that she didn't trust him, it was that she knew all too well that sometimes life gets in the way, and you can't help that. Nobody can.
She rolled over, onto her side, and drew the blankets closer around her body. She couldn't sleep, what with the motion of the bus, and the unfamiliarity of the bed she was laying in, she was having some difficulty.
It was times like these, when it was quiet and she was left alone with her thoughts, that her problems and stressors always surfaced to the front of her mind. Duff's words of the other day echoed through her head,
"You drive me crazy girl."
She remembered his warm hands on her shoulders, and the gentle shake he gave her before he added exasperatedly, "I dunno how you do it." Estrella didn't know what it was about Duff that made him so irresistible, but even as she lay there she caught herself longing for his presence in the bed at her side, yearning his touch and his warmth, and missing his voice.
It was all something she couldn't want. She couldn't have. Estrella knew that if she allowed such a thing to happen, it would only crumble. Duff Mckagan was a rockstar, and she a mere dancer. Estrella was willing to bet Duff would fall away from her very quickly, and she would be left with a broken heart. She rolled over again, onto her other side, and shut her eyes. As she did, it occured to her that she was getting closer to Duff, and warming to the idea of having him around more permanently even as she refused to get together with him officially. She had shared a kiss with the bass player, and shared a bed with him many times now, and yet she wasn't up for a relationship.
Their situation was looking more and more like Eddie and her's every day that went past. With Eddie, they hadn't made it official in any way because doing that never really occured to them; they were friends, and one day they fucked each other and that was it. Because they were best friends and also part of the same fighting club, they spent alot of time together, and soon enough their relationship blossomed into something larger. After all that time, all those memories, Estrella announced that she was leaving. That was why it came as such a disappointment to Eddie that she was leaving; because Eddie really was more then just a good fuck.
She thought back to the stuff they used to do together, like the time he'd taken her for icecream because he beat her in a fight in boxing, and wanted to apologise. It was sweet of him, and she supposed that was probably the first time it had occured to her just how fond of him she was. It only progressed from there, and soon enough they got so used to each other that the thought of life without one another came to be painful. Estrella shifted in her bed and shut her eyes, attempting to get back to sleep.

Meanwhile...
Duff began to nod off in the boys bus right at the table, and as he finally dropped off to sleep, head on the tabletop, he thought only of Estrella.

Author's note:
Hey there, apologies for the really late update! More story coming soon- and more cummíng soon ;)