dear hope,
i deserve it. i deserve the pain. i deserve every bad thing that has happened to me. i deserve every bad thing that will happen to me. i just deserve it all.
i am a horrible person, hope. there is no question about it. i'm just horrible. i try to be a good person. i try to do the right thing. i try to make people happy.
it's not enough though. i'm not enough, hope. it's the truth and i have come to accept it.
it hurts, hope. it hurts so bad. i don't know what to do.
you must be so tired of these letters, hope. i wish i could tell you that i am going to stop writing them, but i can't. i can't, hope.
it's the only thing keeping me sane. is that bad, hope? i think it is.
oh. it started again, hope. it makes me hate him. each venomous word that leaves his mouth makes me hate him. his words choke me, stealing my breath away from me. i hate him, hope.
i hate myself for hating him.
love,
heaven rae
