dear hope,
one month. i have been without you for an entire month as of today. i can't believe it, hope. i don't want to believe it. i want so desperately for this to be a nightmare that i could wake up from in the morning.
i have not cried yet. nope, not today. i can barely breathe, the lump in my throat being the size of texas, while my vision keeps getting more and more blurred from the unshed tears. i haven't cried yet, and that's all that matters. right? right.
i can't stop thinking of my last day with you. the last couple of minutes specifically. it haunts me every day of my life, but it's even worse today.
i'm so, so sorry, hope. i really am.
i lost my necklace. i can't find it. hah, now i'm crying, hope. something as stupid as misplacing a necklace is what set me off. god, i am so stupid.
i hate this, hope! god fucking dammit! i hate it, i hate it, i hate it! you were supposed to be okay! you were supposed to make it! god dammit!
why didn't he save you? hah, why the hell did he take you away from me!? i don't understand, hope. help me understand.
dammit, dammit, dammit!
i can't stop shaking, hope. i can't stop crying either. i'm so pathetic.
please come back to me. please, hope. i need you. please.
i just want to be with you, hope.
love,
heaven rae
