Painful Struggles

I Want To Be Happy

Sel's POV

* 3 MONTHS AFTER THE LOSS OF LOUIS AND EL'S BABY*

Sometimes I reflect back to when I was in senior year... When I used to live with my father, Harry thinks that I shouldn't be calling him my father. But I always think back to the what if's, if Harry never came along then would I be dead right now?

It makes me wonder on how much my life has changed and how lucky I am. I still remember walking into rehab thinking that I would never change... my life was completely turned upside down inside out after Liam, and even more so after I finished my rehab.

Harry was there for me through this whole time, I still love that boy to pieces. I've thought about telling him in these last 2 months. But right now I just need to be there for El and Louis... they are doing so much better, and that makes me so happy.

I walk over to my dressing table and grab the necklace Harry gave me, the paper plane one, I still remember when he gave it to me, it was at Prom and the police had just caught Ariana and her group out and he gave it to me. Even though we aren't together, I still wear it because it makes me feel like I still have a little piece of him. My phone breaks my thoughts as I hear a message come through.

Gemma: Hey stranger haven't heard from you in a while.. Let's catch up for lunch today? G x

I love how Gemma puts the G's after her messages like Harry does

Sel: Hey Gem, yeah I've had a bit of rough and tumble, but I'm okay now. Sure lunch sounds great x

Gemma: Nandos at 12:30... pick you up at 12:15? G x

Sel: Sounds good, see you then.

Gemma: :)

I look at the time and it's already 11:45.. I quickly hop into the shower. I remember when I used to live with the girls. Now we all share a house with the boys. Obviously Louis and El share a bedroom and so do Niall and Demi, but Harry and I have our own bedrooms. I hop out and put on a white loose singlet top with denim shorts, I grab my paper plane necklace and a dream catcher long necklace, my sandals and sunnies. I hear Gemma's car come up and I start walking down to the door.

Ever since I came out of rehab.. I've joined a dance club that goes out and does gigs and I get paid a lot because I also do singing gigs with them. So it's good cause I upgraded my wardrobe and I'm making good amounts of money.

I grab my keys and just as I'm about to walk out, I see Harry comes down.

Harry: You going somewhere?

Sel: Yeah, I'm just going out with Gemma to Nandos for lunch.

I see a smile come up to Harry's face

Harry: Oh that's good.. I'll close the door when you leave so you don't have to worry about locking it or anything.

Sel: Thanks

GEMMA'S POV

As I drove in I saw Sel come down and Harry was with her?

I didn't realise that my brother was coming with us as well. He's been going through a rough patch with Sel. He tells me everything from Sel going to rehab to El loosing her baby.

Sel broke my thoughts as she hopped into the car.

Gemma: Hey there.

Sel: Hey long time no see.

Gemma: It's been too long.. how are you?

Sel: I'm good

We continue the casual chit chat and when we arrive we order the food and take a seat in the booth.

Gemma: So how are you really?

Sel: What do you mean.. I'm fine?

Gemma: Really.. you vanished for a whole year... even Harry would disappear. I haven't even seen you since Graduation!

I know she went to rehab like I said Harry tells me everything, but I need to know that Sel trusts me and will tell me all of this herself.

Sel: I went into rehab, I'm sorry I never mentioned it but I didn't think I needed to tell anyone, I didn't even know I was going until Harry literally took me in and left and didn't come back for 2 months... It changed me though, I felt as if Harry was betraying me at the start but then I realised that he did it for a good outcome and that's what has happened. I feel good, I feel so much better than I ever have and it's because of your brother. Oh Gem don't cry!

I didn't even realise I was crying..

Gemma: I'm so happy for you Sel, and when are you and Harry getting back together.

Sel: I don't think he loves me like that anymore

Gemma: I have never met a boy that would go everyday to see his ex girlfriend in rehab and would say he doesn't love her. Of course he loves you Sel.

I know she didn't really know what to say back... the food arrives and while we were eating I quickly checked my phone to see a message from Harry.

Harry: How's Sel going? H x

Gemma: She's good. G x

Harry: I'm glad she is enjoying herself with Nandos :P.

Gemma: Ay! It's cause I'm here..

Harry: Yeah probably, I'm glad that she is happy and enjoying herself.

Gemma: Do you still love her?

Harry: Never stopped. Always Have. Always Will.

Gemma: Then do something about it.

I hear Sel clear her throat. So I quickly pop my phone away.

Gemma: Sorry was just messaging mum

Sel: Oh don't worry about it, I was just wondering if you were ready to go?

Gemma: Yeah sure lets go

Sel's POV

We were in the car going home, Gemma was just singing along to some music while I checked my phone to see a message from Harry.

Gemma: What are you smiling about?

Sel: Oh I just got a message from your brother

Gemma: That's cute.. I noticed you still wear the necklace he got you.

Sel: I always wear it.

Gemma: Do you still love him?

Sel: Of course I do. I never stopped.. I always have and always will.

I check what Harry messaged me.

Haz: Hey, you having fun? H x

Sel: Yeah, it was nice having lunch with Gem. S x

Haz: When you coming home.. I'm bored? :P x

Sel: Literally coming into the driveway x

Haz: Okay! I'm coming down! xxxx

Oh god... what this boy does to me.

Just like he said as we turned into the driveway he was already there to open the door for me.

Gemma just looked at me and started laughing.

Gemma: Can you guys just start dating already?

We both look at each other and start blushing.

Harry grabs my hand and we go inside.

Haz: Look, I can't do this anymore Sel. I still love you.

Sel: I love you Harry.

Harry: Does that mean your mine again?

Sel: I always have been.

I don't even get to see his reaction. I just feel his lips smash onto mine and the fireworks starting all over again.