Distance. Damn distance. It ruined all my hope. Even that tiny bit that once existed. Far away from his lips, from his stare and those eyes that used to reveal him all the time. And yes, I dream about him every night. He comes up and stays with me, watching the sky filled with incredible stars. He smiles in the way only he can and looks at me with a sparkle in his eyes. Then, in a moment, he disappears along with all my belief. Yes, I dream about him every night, and before I go to bed, I watch the stars, hoping that he will appear next to me and tell me ‘I love you’ like only he knows. Then I go to sleep and rest my head on my already tear-stained pillow and cover myself over my head, letting the darkness take over. And in the morning it starts all over again. Same empty house, same daily routine. And when I come home after an entire lifeless day, I open the door hoping he'll be there with a cup of tea, watching the game on the sofa. But I find nothing. And day and day after, it's still the same. Maybe I just don't want to admit it to myself, that he's gone.
It's actually funny- After everything we've been through, I think we deserve at least a day without worries. But something always shows up. It's like someone doesn't want us to be happy, even just for once.
Being in a long distance relationship is hard, really hard. And most people don't understand that. It's not about the amount of time you spent apart. It's about how you take advantage of the time you spend together. It's about being able to pick up the phone or look at the person trough a screen and knowing you love him as much you would if he was sitting next to you. It's about knowing how to hold yourself together between the visits. It's about comforting yourself trough the tears and accept you can't fall asleep in his arms tonight or touching his lips. There will be a part of your life he just won't be able to witness... And you have to be okay with it. It's knowing about what's important. It's about taking the short time you do have together and making sure all of your silly, loving, serious and spontaneous sides all come out in that rare moment of closeness.
And it's hard not letting yourself need a kiss every day, no matter how bad I you one. A long distance relationship, our kind of relationship, is about needing him to me mine more than I need anyone to be here. It's about living each day, ignoring the doubts, fighting trough the stress, pushing away the insecurities, and loving more than I ever thought was possible.
It's about being the strongest kind of couple you can be.
It's about not focusing on the miles between, but instead on the feelings you have.
It's about love- as simple as that.
There are more reasons to fight, to cry and to break up. However, distance also gives you a reason to love harder than any other two people should. Because in the end, we have something to gain. We have someone worth fighting for. We have miles to fight trough and closeness to fight for. That's why we never take things for granted. Every touch is special. Each kiss treasured. We may be separated by space and time, but the bond between couples who push through the hardest of times is the strongest. There might be miles between, but there is no one closer.
*****
I found myself coiled up on our bedroom floor with his cologne, crying into his pillow more times than I ever thought was possible. The house was so empty and unknown without his voice echoing around its walls. This wasn't the first time we were separated, but it was the longest and most painful. I missed not feeling his lips against mine, and his touch on my skin every day. I missed his apple scent burning my nose. I missed hearing his husky voice in the early morning. I missed his warm skin under my fingers. I missed him. It's like he took my heart with him. He would text me every morning, no matter in what time zone he was and Skype me whenever he had a chance. It would usually end with me crying and him kissing the camera. At first, he called every day. But as his responsibilities grew bigger, our talks became shorter, rarer. I would keep my phone next to my head and wake up in the middle of the night just to see did he call. I loved when he did, but nothing could fill the emptiness I felt without him next to me. Never once did I doubt in our love, unlike my sanity. I felt like going crazy every day I spent alone in front of the TV, watching Love Actually and overdosing on Ben & Jerry's. I would see a cat, or someone with dimples on the street, and it would automatically remind me of him. How couldn't it? He was all I've seen for the past year. Without him, I'm blind.
YOU ARE READING
The Story of Us
FanfictionMaybe it's not all about the happy ending? Maybe it's about the story?
