Addicted z.m

Chapter 19

A man may drink and not be drunk. A man may fight and not be slain. A man may call the pretty girl, and perhaps be welcomed back again. But since it falls unto my luck that I should write and you should not, I'll gently rise and I'll softly call 'Good night and joy be with you all.'

I wish I was as invincible as the lyrics singing to me portrayed a guilty man to be. But I wasn't. I drank, and somehow found myself forgetting what country I was in the next day. I fought and ended up losing more than what I was fighting for. I called for the love I let myself forget was my life, and was deservingly left to fend for myself without her.

Maybe, as the ending concludes, I should just disappear. . . I could leave without a trace and everyone would be happy. I wouldn't have to listen to Spencer's voicemail answer my calls. I wouldn't have to look at the reminders of my suffering every time I walked into my office, Spencer's portrait staring me in the face.

And most of all, I wouldn't have to listen and watch Perrie hopelessly try to get me to admit what was bothering me. I knew that façade I portrayed was not one of convincing to Pez, but I couldn't stand the thought of sulking.

"You've been pulled away from your classes for two weeks now," Perrie's hand massaged my bare back and shoulders and I lay on my bed staring at the wall. "Maybe you should request a break from work and just be a student - just until Thanksgiving."

I put no effort into my shrug. "I'll be fine."

"You still have to take finals Zayn," she reminded me.

"As long as I've got a job here, my classes are paid for whether I pass or fail," I assured.

"But Zayn-"

"Pez, I'm exhausted," I cut her off. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Zayn-"

"I said enough!" I snapped, popping my head up off of the pillow to face her.

My mind felt like indecisive goo. Mentally, my emotions were out of my hands. It had been this way for a few days, but I hadn't raised my voice at Perrie.

Tears began to fill her eyes involuntarily and guilt consumed me. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, babe," I whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."

She still looked at me with loss. She was lost when it came to me and I felt terrible for making her fell such a way.

"Come here." I repositioned myself to sit up and cradle her in my arms. She sniffled but buried her face in my neck.

"You haven't been taking your medication, have you?" she whispered.

"I've missed a couple doses," I confess.

She just sighed, leaving us in a stiff blanket of silence.

~

Spencer's POV

"No, mum," I groaned. "I don't need to come home. I'm fine. It's just been a stressful beginning of the term."

"Well clearly staying there isn't benefiting you much," she argued.

"Mum-"

"Spence," Greg whispered next to me. "Go easy on her. . ." He glanced at the framed picture in reference. Maura had been through a lot already. She had already lost one of her kids. I was her miracle child.

I sighed, choosing my next words carefully. "You can't protect me from everything, Mum. . ."

For a moment, it was silent. I knew Maura. Every time Niall came up, she'd need a quiet moment to herself to ensure she wouldn't start crying.