Day 6:
Sometimes people ask why you put on a fake smile? Why u smile when you are sad... They cannot understand it!
It means that though you are run over by life, though you are very depressed you still have energy to live! To smile! Thou last night demons ate you alive you smile at their fucking faces saying: you cannot kill me!
You cannot take this smile away from me!
'Cause soon that fake smile that shows a slight sign of hope will turn into real smile (:
Day 7:
:)
[[i have to explain this day. This was one of those days when you say I start again and I will get rid of this depression and will be happy!]]
Day 8:
[[here I will start talking to demon. He is every bad thought in my head and every urge that is in me that wants me to selfharm. We will have conversations and I will try to beat him with words]]
Then the moment came and i realized i have to ask myself a question: who am I? Am I rlly an Angel with Great power or just a ghost who cant do better than deppression? It is a hard question... Maybe i just change depending on the situation... We want more, we want happiness, but life has taught us that after great happiness comes even greater sadness... Should I use my heart or my head? I do not remember that my head has ever brought me happiness... "I wont give up on you, these scars wont tear us apart, so dont give up me, its not too late for us, ill save you from yourself"
-You are gambeling with your life- said demon
-I never regret it, not after 200 nights of sorrow or 1001 thoughts of cutting and suicide, i NEVER said i wouldnt do it again after all, only hope that was keeping me alive, a little seed of hope rose with spring!- I answered
-But you might not survive it this time- said the demon
-Whats the diffrence? Life without love is just surviving
-You fool! You will kill yourself! You will burn in flames, beg for mercy, the new pain thought you think u know pain, ill show you the opposite- said the demon
-You are just like humans! If u knew the words LOVE true meaning you would know it means almost guaranteed pain...
-Stupid mortals, why you do it then?- asked the demon
-Unexplainable force, strongest of all of em...
-Nonsence! I am so strong without it- said the demons
-hahahahahah- i laughed- you strong? You attack the weakest when they r doing the worst! You are definition of weakness!
- I can take you down anytime! Cant you see? I might be weak, but still i am stronger than you!- said the demons
-If ur stronger, why am I still alive? Why do I breathe, LIVE and am happy?
-haahhaahahahaahaha- laughed the demon loudly- you happy? Its like saying metal is fruit or that diamonds will float in sky! Not in this universe!- said the demon
-You are demon, you still so humanlike! I am happy! Im not happiest person ever, or as happy as I once was, but for that happines i had to work and try day by day!
-This will be your end!-said the demon and disapeared in the red dust that flew away
-No, this is your end!
Day 9:
"One day baby we will be old..."
- hahahaaahahhaha- laughed the demon
- what? - I asked
- can u feel it? The taste of your own blood is rising...- said the demon
- no, why would I?
- you know, usual things... - said the demon
- Nah, i worried too much about them so far why more? Whats the point?
- Whats the point you ask?- said the demon(he was confused)- noone can understand you! Noone is here to save you now, noone wakes up just to see u in the morning and noone would cry if u die!- said the demon
-Huh? Maybe, but maybe not!
- stop fooling yourself kid! You know the truth!- said the demon
- Only God does...
- I can see your hands in the future! Your arms as now u call them, will be covered in blood and scars bleeding every damn day! - said the demon
-NEVER! Wrists are for bracelets, not for cutting!
- Stop shitting around! What happend to you? Its okay to be happy but not to pretend! -said the demon
- i do not pretend! I am happy! Deal with it!
- if this is what u call happiness, how does sadness look then?- said the demon
- i dont know, im not interesting in it! I have the power...
- Which power? What r u talking about? Is this what u call power?- said the demon
- only the begging of it- i said proudly
The one that fights for his happiness every day, will eventualy get it!
Day 10:
Lightings are magnificent! So beautiful, yet so scary... Nature is breathtaking always, it just depends on meaning of the word (literary or not) It can left you without words or breathless!
