Day 31:
Im sorry love,
It is not enough
Im drowing here
Help me!
Noones there
Still i hope that One day
Help me
Help me pls
Can i take this any more
I feel like this is my end
Why is my life like this
I cannot take this no more
My life is so empty
The numb inside is getting bigger
Help me,
Help me pls,
Cuz i dont know who i am today
And will i be alive tommorow
If i die and u read this,
Know that im sorry,
The pain is just to hard to bare,
Scars dont heal and they never will...
Help yourself cuz noone can help me
Day 32:
My head is just full of shits! The wounds on my heart hurts too much... I hate this! I want to go and have fun in life and be happy, not sitting home and thinking of thing to write on my tombstone! You might ask: why cant you?
And I want to answer you with this: Its unexplainable, You need to feel it (i rlly hope you wont/had). Feeling of not being lazy but of not having will to do anything, cuz its all pointless! It wont make you more happy or less sad, then why do it?
-AAAAA I dont want this any more, leave me alone
- you want me to go? - said the demon
- GET AWAY FROM ME!
- I can go, but i will have to bring this pain in chest that makes you wanna throw up and sleepless cutting nights to somebody else... -std
- WAIT! Stay! Dont go!
- Why? -asked the demon
- cuz I am over, a case that has no hope, I am dead practicly, my life is ruin already, why to ruin somebody else?
-To save yourself? -std
- i can save myself, i can beat you!
- Hahahahaah if you could/can beat me we would not have this conversation, cuz i wouldnt be here- said the demon
-i will one day!
- you had a chance, she could save you! -std
- ONLY GOD CAN SAVE ME!- i shouted trying to fill myself with hope
- and then tell me, where is He? If he loves you so much why is He letting you do all this? This pain, sorrow, depression, nightmares where you scream of pain! Do you know how you call a dream in which you die? Happy dream! Why cant u realise, its over! 15 june will be the year after she kissed you! On that day 365 days ago you were the HAPPIEST man alive, look at yourself now!- std
- I... -I didnt even had arguments any more cuz my mind aches so much- Im not alone, God is here with me
- tell me why do u have to put up with this then, for Sooo long! - std
-idk, if someone has to be sad for others to be happy, fine let it be me
- sadness is a word you dont even understand any more! It became your day and night! Your EVERY DAY! Pain is something you dont feel psycily any more cuz u were torn apart so many times by this group of demons! Tears are something that dont even come out of your eyes, cuz u know there is no savior!-std
- ITS ALL IN MY HEAD!!!
- then chase me away - said the demon
- i cannot, cuz even demons are better company than saltitude. Being alone is much harder than fighting with you!
-Die! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!- he started screaming
-nah, then my life would be too easy
Day 33:
I, i am still here, dont worry. I barely speak, i breathe somehow, this hole you call heart is still beating, this shit called brain is still "working"! But not for so long, this wont last long... Change or die!! I cannot do this alone, help me!
Anyone!
Day 34:
Are you wonderfully weird, or weirdly wonderful? Thats nice question, id go with second one..
Every day i feel something is missing, is it hope that i lack so much or do i have it so much. that is whats killing me. Hope for better tommorow that never come!
Day 35:
"this pain is just too real, there is too much that time CANNOT erase!"
Today I bought a plant. I named it Arella, it means Angels messinger... I bought it cuz i want to feel needed, I want something that cannot exist without me. Cuz if i die, Arella is dying with me. Yes, somebody else can take care of her (it is female plant because it is so weak but yet so beautiful), someone else can give her water and all, but noone can replace my love to her... You cannot replace love... Just like she cannot replace love in my heart no matter how hard she tries... Noone can... I really try every day to truely smile, but I cant! This silence is so damn loud! This silence that numbs my heart it hurts and make me scream, loudly...
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears"
We all want someone who will do that for us dont we? Someone who will fight against our demons, protect us even though he/she is not here! Someone who will never let us go, or leave us... But does that someone really exist or is it just our imagination that is keeping us awake?!
