Never Wake The Dead (TWD Fanfic)

**Chapter 46-Grieving **

We walk to the door and outside, Carl stands there and his dad looks at me, then the baby, then Carl. I walk to Daryl and lose myself mind, I cry uncontrollably, "I'm so sorry" I sob over and over again. Rick collapsed to the ground on grief, "No. No. No" he says over and over as he rolls one the ground.
I can't do this, I can't breathe, Maggie takes the baby from me gently and Daryl helps me sit down. I grab my boot knife and run out into the field, I grab another knife from my jacket and I start slicing up Walkers in the field. I scream as I kill them, I'm so full of rage and my guilt it piling up. I can't handle this. Why? In a world gone to hell, why does an innocent little boy have to be ruined too? I stand there for a moment staring at the few dozens Walkers I just killed and it finally dawns on me, Lori is dead. She's not coming back. This is on me! I fall to the ground in silent sobs. I sit with my back against a tree and I sob, I sit there for hours upon hours. Eventually I stop crying and I just stare at the ground with my mind blank. I have no emotions and it scares me.

*****

I spent the whole night sitting in the same spot, glued to the ground. I finally get up and I go back into the prison, I need to apologize to Rick. This is all my fault. I clear my throat and try to talk but I can't find words, just a giant lump in the back of my throat. I sit at the picnic table in the kitchen, Beth walks in with Rick's new baby. "Rick is in no position to be a leader right now, he's not even here. What do we do?" someone says, "We'll just have ta do what we can till he gets back in shape" Daryl says, "So, are you next in line to be leader?" someone else asks, "I guess" Daryl replies. Maggie walks into the kitchen and sits with me, "Jade, are you ok?" she asks, I take a deep breath through my nose, "I-I think so. Where's Rick?" I ask, "He's in the tombs, probably letting off steam with the Walkers. Daryl, Glenn and I are gonna go out for baby formula in a bit" she says, "I'm gonna go check on him" I say, "Are you sure? Jade, you don't seem very stable" she says grabbing and squeezing my hand, "I'll be ok. This just sucks. I didn't want to do it. But it was either take the baby out or it would've died and Lori begged me-" my voice cracks and I look away to stop the tears, "It's ok. You don't have to talk about it" she says, "I'm gonna go find Rick" I say grabbing a water bottle and my 2 knives. I go into the tombs and Maggie locks the door.

I hear Rick talking to somebody in a room, I peer around the corner and see him talking on the phone, "Do you know where we are?" he asks. "Wait. Don't hang up" he says, he slams the phone down. "Rick?" I ask, he snaps his head towards me, "Are you alright?" I ask, "There's a lady on the phone, says she knows where we are and she can help us" he says. I cautiously walk over and look at the phone, it's not even plugged into anything. I don't say anything. "What is she saying?" I ask, "She says she's in a safe zone and she can come get us. She says there's plenty of other survivors too" he says. "Oh. really? That would be nice. Rick, are you gonna come back soon?" I ask, "Yeah. I just need some more time" he says, "Ok. Come back when you're ready. We need you" I say and lay the water bottle on the table, "You killed my wife!" he snaps and slams me back first against the wall with his arm on my throat. "Rick, I can't breathe" I gasp, "You did this to me!" he shouts pushing down harder, "Rick. Stop. It wasn't my fault. She begged me too, she did is for you. She wanted you to have your baby girl" I say tears welding in my eyes, he releases his grip and I slump to the floor, "It wasn't my fault. Rick, you have to understand" I sob. He looks at the wall behind him, I get off the floor and run back through the tombs to the cell door.

Maggie unlocks the door and I grab my stuff and head to the showers. I let the warm water pour over me, then I slide down the wall and sit on the ground. I break down and cry, "This is all my fault" I sob. I curl up into a tiny ball on the ground and just lay there, naked on the cold floor. I deserve this... I deserve to die on this cold, hard floor, I deserve a painful death.. It's my fault.. All of this is my fault...