~Scarlett's POV~
She doesn't understand. Nobody understands any more. They think I want to feel like this? They think I want to feel worthless every minute of everyday? Unable to do anything. Sadness runs through my veins and I am left emotionless. Do I want to feel this way? I don't know. Maybe I do.
But there's always a part of me that wants to just go home and play music at an ear-piercing volume, screaming every lyric until I find myself again. Parts of me will always want to have a happy family: me, Jess, and Ruby. Going on days out, shopping sprees, swimming competitions, holidays. The list is endless.
Parts of me want to hate Jess forever for the way she said what she said. I want to block her out for the rest of my life, no contact. Forget her like she forgot to care about me. That's what she did, she forgot about me. She gave up. She slammed the door on my face and didn't tell me where she hid the spare key. She didn't let me inside to dry up when it poured, she didn't warm me up when my heart froze. I could scream and she'd hear silence. I could cry and happiness would sing. Silently suffering. How did it get this bad?
Parts of me want to run away. Forget all about the life I've led so far. Start fresh. Live life like there's no tomorrow. Not letting anyone get in the way of what I want and need. I could do something crazy. Get tattoos, piercings, drink, party, sleep, eat. Anything. I could do anything. The beauty in that is outstanding. I'd live for myself, care for myself, love myself. Some things that I should have started doing a long time ago. Move abroad, get a ridiculous job and live on the edge. Who cares about the irrelevant shit? You get one life and you need to avoid the negativity. Keep moving, keep living.
A part of me wants to find Jess and not give her a chance to say anything. To stand right in front of her and give her everything I have. Forgetting the arguments and the struggles and the heartaches. Kissing her the way she should be kissed. Showing her the passion our relationship has lacked for so long. Not caring what problems we face, but knowing that we'll face them together. Fighting it all with love.
All of me wants to kill him for what he did to me and my family. Years later and he's still ruining my life. I truly believed that I could live happily, but even my hopes are shattered. I thought I could get better, I honestly did.
And I was going to. Jessica, Ruby and I were finally on the right track, and then I screwed it up. I missed Jess, that's all. I was getting better but I needed her support. Having the love of your life sleeping on the other side of the world and not right by your side isn't as easy as some may think.
As for now... God knows what I can do. No partner, no child, no happiness. If it wasn't for Amy, I wouldn't be here. All I wanted was Jess, our love was glowing and flaming, but then it burnt to a crisp. How could I turn back time?
A/N: I finally updated! This story shall be ending soon, I'd say 5 more chapters, ish?
