~Scarlett's POV~
I had been in my room all day, just like usual. Noises and laughs from downstairs had filled my ears all day and they were no more. It was around 2pm or something like that, the clock was facing the other direction and I couldn't be bothered to turn around. There was no need if I was comfortable, was there? Jess and Ruby were obviously doing some sort of creative shit because the amount of times I heard Jess saying things like ''Don't touch any furniture, Ruby!'' was crazy. It wasn't only that, I must've heard Jess wash her hands about fifty times, the tap was on and off non stop. I guess that was just her OCD.
My head was killing me. A headache had been pestering me for days on end now. Countless pills were swallowed with a mouthful of water. The TV was flicked on and off dozens of times in an hour. I just couldn't seem to pay attention to something. I got easily agitated and was trying to stop thinking about life. I wanted to distract myself so that I could drown everything out. Drown out life. I wasn't a part of anyone else's and so I just wanted to forget about mine. It isn't as easy as you hope it would be. I don't want to think but I can't help it.
My brain just doesn't know how to take a break. Even when I'm doing nothing, like I've been doing for the last few weeks, it still feels busy. It's like I'm fed up and exhausted, when in reality I have been doing nothing, nothing at all. It doesn't make sense. I wish it did. I'm tired of feeling this way. Tired of each day being tough and having to just shake off whatever I'm feeling.
That's the logic I have. Maybe if I forget about myself, they'll forget about me.
Everything was quiet downstairs and I took this as my chance to finally get some sleep. Well, I say finally. I get quite a bit of sleep, it's probably considered excessive. But you know, there's nothing better to do in life. My life is a complete shambles and I'm not capable of doing anything. We all know that and so there's no point in trying. I'm not loved by hardly anyone, so there isn't any real reasons to get up and try. It's much better for everybody if I stay right where I am.
I drifted off into a deep sleep again. Dreaming about unicorns, happiness, sunshine, rainbows and all of that other stuff that only exists in parallel universes. Happiness? Here? Yeah, I didn't think so either.
I was sleeping peacefully as someone burst into the room. I heard the cry of a young child. Ruby had ran into the room crying about something. Tears streaming down her small face. I couldn't understand what she was trying to say, that's the thing with children when they cry. They scream and you can't make out a single word that escapes their mouth.
This was the first time I had seen her properly in weeks and I know I should have been a good parent. I know I should have been happy to see her and to see what the problem was. I know that should have happened. But I didn't react in that way. She was perching on the end of my bed wailing and I stood up quickly and pulled the covers back. She fell off the end of the bed. I started yelling. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what was coming out of my mouth, I just sort of shouted. Speaking whatever came to my mind.
''What the fuck. What the hell do you think you are doing storming in here and whining like a little brat?!'' I screeched at the top of my lungs.
''I've been sick,'' she cried, unable to stop the tears flowing.
''You know you're not allowed to barge in here. Hasn't she told you that? Why didn't you get your mum?'' I couldn't stop barking at her, even if it was burning my throat.
''You are my mummy?'' She asked confused, as Jess ran into the room, almost tripping over. She must have ran up the stairs with so much momentum that she couldn't stop.
''What do you think you're doing yelling at her like that?'' She asked me, removing the sick covered dressing gown from Ruby, chucking on the landing.
''She just stormed in here crying whilst I was asleep.'' My blood boiled. I was livid.
''And you react like that? You need to sort yourself out, she's ill for Christ sake.'' She picked Ruby up and took her outside.
I heard Jess downstairs, attempting to stop Ruby from crying. I don't know how long she was crying for but it seemed to go on forever. I lead on my bed, trying to block it all out. The door was now shut and everything was in darkness again. I closed my eyes, as everything was in silence downstairs. I took one deep breath out before Jess came in and started to yelling the odds.
''What is your problem?'' She spat.
''She knows she can't just come in here. I was asleep and she woke me up. I haven't seen her for weeks. What did she think she was playing at?'' I retaliated, not being able to stop myself.
''That's because I was asleep and she thought her mother would care enough to help. She's a little girl, you don't use that sort of language in front of her.''
''It's nothing she hasn't heard before, I bet all the older children use language like that at school.'' I waved my hand around, it wasn't a big deal.
''You don't get it. I was asleep because I've been up day and night looking after her, alone. Because you can't pull yourself together and be the mother she needs. I took one small nap without meaning to and I am woken up by you bellowing at our daughter. She hasn't seen you in ages and that's what she's welcomed like. No wonder she's scared of you.'' She hissed, even though her eyes told me she was shattered.
''You don't get it, Jess. She never comes to me, so why would she now? And it's not because you were asleep, be honest with yourself.'' I had a point.
''Maybe because she wants you. She wants you to be a part in her life. You're the one who doesn't get it, Scarlett. She asks about you, day after day. I know this is hard for you but you're really underestimating how hard it is for us, too. If Ruby is the one who reminds you of him, then I understand why you're acting this way. But she's your daughter and pushing her away isn't helping the situation either.''
She didn't bother to shout any more. She didn't have the energy. This was really taking its toll on her and for a split second, I saw that. I saw how broken she was. I saw how messed up our life really was. Not just mine, all of ours. I saw it all, but only for a split second.
She took one breath before talking to me again. ''Look, I don't expect you to listen to any of this, because right now, you're only thinking about yourself. But what you're doing to yourself is hurting everyone. I need you to know I can't do this on my own. I am exhausted,'' her voice broke, tears forming; my heart broke. ''All I am asking for is for you to help yourself. Get better, do something with your day. Just... Help me. Do it for Ruby.''
''I can't, Jess. I can't be around her, I just can't. Every time I look at her I just see the trauma she'd go through if Jayden ever came back for her. I'm doing this for her safety and it's tearing me apart.'' I shouted, she seemed to be replying to me, but not listening to what I had to say.
''I honestly don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but,'' she looked up and tried to blink away the tears. ''I miss you.'' She forced those words out, almost like she didn't want to admit it. ''I fucking miss you.''
We both stared at each other for a good ten seconds. Both of us were now in floods of tears and we couldn't stop. ''I have to go,'' she quickly whispered before racing out of the room and down the stairs.
She missed me. I was right beside her, and she missed me. We were a mere foot away from one another, yet it felt like millions of steps could be taken just to reach her. We weren't close, just near.
A/N: Ooooh...
