Beasts

21: One of Those Days

Phoenix came over and held me in his arms. Before I could process anything, his hand was on my face and that all too familiar burning hit me. I winced and held on tighter. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and squeezed my eyes tighter. Finally, the burning stopped and we were in a silent embrace.

"You liar. You said you were fine." He said in a croaked voice like he was on the verge of crying. I didn't say anything but gave him a squeeze instead.

Once my heart rate and breathing returned to normal, I let go of Phoenix. He held on a bit longer before letting go. I couldn't face him so instead I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I rested my forehead on my knees and took deep breathes.

"Why?" Phoenix simply said and started stroking my back.

"I don't know." I said flatly. "I wasn't thinking. It just...happening..." I said into my legs.

"I am so sorry if I've done anything that led to this." He said and let his hand fall from my back.

"Please, you would be the last person on Earth to hurt me." I say and hear a small chuckle from him.

"It's called I care."

"Well thank you." I say and unfold myself.

"I have no idea how I'm going to sleep tonight." He said with a weak smile and moved over to his side of the tent.

That night, I fell asleep with Phoenix's hand in mine. When I woke up, it was empty. I slowly got up in case the pain decided to come back. There was a rough feeling in my chest but it could be from yesterday night. I put on my black coat since it was getting cold. I looked into my phone's cam area and there was a faint scar down my right cheek. I peered outside and saw Phoenix staring into space by the burnt out fire. "Phoenix?" I said and he whipped his head around.

"Morning." He gave a weak smile but I could see the worry in his eyes. He was wearing his black hoodie and midnight blue jackets with his pin resting on his heart. Something in me clicked and I ran over and hugged him. He was shocked for a moment before hugging me back. I took in his heat and buried my face in his jacket. "I took your shift for you." He said calmly.

"Thank you..." I murmured and let go. "Sorry, this is foolish." I wiped at my eyes in case there were any tears. "Y-you go. I'll take over."

"No way am I leaving you." He said and put his elbow on my shoulder.

"Please, go sleep. Plus, I need some time to think." I gave him a little shove and turned to the campfire. His eyes dug into my back but now was the time to put on my bravery. What kind of leader is seen curled into a ball? I guess this one right here...

"Hey, June!" Iridescent comes out of tent as her happy self. Her hair's in a braid and she has on a cream coat with a fur hood.

"Hey." I smile.

"Is that a scar on your face?" She said and pointed to my cheek.

"Oh, I scratched myself in my sleep. Don't worry, I'm okay." Isn't there that thing where, if you lie your teeth will fall out? Well I'm going to be toothless at this rate.

"So, do you think we should start looking for caves?" She asked. An image of Omega in the cave flashed in my head.

"Sure." I said, my tone sounding more dull.

"Hey, your arm any better? I know I bandaged them again last night but I'm just making sure."

"It's healing. Still hurts, but better." I nod and shove my hands into my pockets. "Why don't you see if Charlie's awake?" I suggest.

"Oh yah!" She said and bounced over to his tent. I let out a breath and wished that I could disappear right then and there. I should of stayed in the tent.

Do you have those days? Where you can't find the energy to do anything but rot in a hole. Where you lock yourself away from the world and act like a completely different person from who you really are. I was having one of those days. I didn't want to, but they come as they please. Like stupid spiders. One day there's nothing. Then the next there's a creepy eight-legged creature in your room.

As we were walking on the path again, I kept my eyes on anything but my friends. Somehow, my walking feet were now the most interesting things ever. I need new shoelaces. Was all I could think of.

"Hi." Phoenix smiled. "You feeling better?" He asked. I shrugged and stuffed my hands into my pockets. "Hello? Anybody home?" He joked and waved his hand in front of my face.

"Leave me alone." I said coldly and stepped past him.

"What?" He said and caught back up to me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I huff, the pain burning in my chest.

"Kitten-" He reached out for my arm but I knocked him away.

"I said leave me alone." I snap. Are you hearing me right now? I sound like an extra bratty brat.

"Why?" He asked and stood in front of me. I stopped and looked at his eyes. They were both concerned and mad. Under any other circumstance, I would love to just collapse into a hug. This wasn't any other circumstance though, so I couldn't. I wouldn't.

A little bomb went off inside me before I pushed past him. "That's it..." Phoenix grabbed me by the arm and turned me around. He held my shoulders firmly so I couldn't get away. " What in God's name are you doing?" He asked. I couldn't face him so I chose to look at his pin instead. "Either you tell me now or I tell Iridescent everything." No. He wouldn't. I glanced up to see if he was serious. That was a mistake. His eyes were undeniable. I took a shaky breath then spoke.

"I'm a bomb."

Silence. Then I continued. "I am a bomb that is going to explode. Everyone in my blast zone will suffer because of me. Understand? I'm a walking disaster. Even my own body hates me. Everything I have ever done is pointless. Nothing matters anymore. My life is hopeless. I've failed everyone. I don't deserve to be my dad's daughter." I pause to swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry... Please forgive me for entering your life." I say in a hushed voice and look straight into his eyes.

Phoenix stares blankly at me. "Say something. Anything." I plead.

"Things will get better." He finally said.

"W-what?"

"I promised you that on day one. To me, a promise is a promise. I should of know better. I know how it is to be in a situation where you know both your parents may be dying but you can't be there for them. Where your life is turned upside down and-" I cut him off with a kiss.