Blaise, The Bad Boy, and The Beast [SLOW UPDATES]

Numb

It's been two weeks since Lincoln went missing and nothing. We've found absolutely nothing. We really are playing a game and they're winning. The only thing we've found is Lincoln's bike sitting on the side of the road. The boys fixed it up and brought it back to my house. My hope is slowly disintegrating. I won't myself lose it but I'm not as confident as I was the first few days. Eli won't let me look for Lincoln with them anymore. I don't blame him, I'm not fit to right now. Not emotionally or physically. I've barely eaten since the night he went missing. Just barely enough to keep me alive. An apple or a banana here and there, I can't stomach anything else.

The dark circles under my eyes have only grown dark and large enough that someone would think I have two black eyes. I'm barely able to sleep, I wake up in a cold sweat screaming and Eli has to come sooth me until I fall back asleep which results in maybe a few hours of sleep. My days are spent waiting by the phone, staring into space, walking through the hallways like a zombie, crying or throwing myself into panic attacks. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm a breathing zombie. I show no emotions, I only feel two emotions. Sadness and anger. Nothing in between and nothing more. I've told Cassie everything so she comes over to try and relieve Eli, but he only refuses to leave.

My brothers come to see me too, but I barely talk. I feel bad because they're hurting too seeing me like this. Especially Mason. Poor Mason, he can feel my pain and it's killing him. I've even seen him cry a few times because he feels so sad for me. I hate it. Toby's depression is growing but he's trying to stay strong for me which makes me feel worst. I should be trying to stay strong for him, Lincoln is his brother, his blood, and the only family he has left besides their sister, who we can't get ahold of.

This has been the worst two weeks of my life and it's only getting worst every day that we don't find him. I've gotten two calls from the culprit which only resulted him laughing at me and me hearing Lincoln's voice for a few seconds. The last call he could only get out that he loves me, I didn't even have enough time to tell him that I love him too before the phone was yanked away. I haven't heard from them since. The silence and the waiting is killing me. I feel half dead. My heart has been ripped out and stomped on and it's not even Lincoln's fault. I can't help but feeling that everything that he's going through right now is my fault.

I should have begged him to stay that night.

"Blaise." Cassie's voice snapped me out my thoughts.

I looked over at her with a blank expression. She looked at me sadly. I felt a hand on my arm, it was Mason.

"Are you sure you don't want to come to the homecoming dance next Friday?" she asked sadly.

"I can't." I whispered.

That's all I could say and she understood. She just nodded with a sad smile and sat back in her chair. I pushed my full plate of food over to Jake. I hadn't eaten a bit of it and I didn't plan to. I can't eat while Lincoln is probably starving. My stomach can't handle it. If I try to eat more than a few bites of an apple I only end up throwing it up.

"Blaise, you need to eat." Jake whispered pushing my food back.

I pushed it back and looked up at him.

"I can't, please don't try and make me." I whispered.

He nodded and let it drop. Nobody tries to argue with me or push me to do things. They handle me carefully like I'm fragile and breakable. They're probably right, I've lost so much weight in these past two weeks that I know it's not healthy. My cheeks have even sunk in a little. I look like death walking and I know it.