Will I ever have an happy ever after?

Chapter 36

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" I didn't meant to hurt you. "

" You already did. "

His words kept echoing in my mind. I didn't meant to hurt him. I didn't meant to hurt anyone. I don't even know what's on my mind anymore.

Did I love Bryan? Was he just a excuse for me to say I didn't have any feelings for Chris? Did I love Chris? After knowing the truth, what should I do?

You should just go to hell. You've hurt so many people already.Now your still asking for more?

Shut up.

Since when were you like this? Tiffany is even better than you. She told you everything, and now, your still planning to steal her love, Bryan away after hurting him? I bet deep down, she hates you.

Shut up.

Is hurting people really that fun? Is hurting Chris and Bryan really that fun? Everybody hates you, Alice. Everyone including you. You shouldn't have even come to this world. Everything would be better without you. No one needs you.

" Shut up! " I cried. Tears were streaming down my face. I hated that little voice inside of me, but what it said had always been the truth. And the truth always hurt.

I sat on my bed, staring into space. Since when had my life become like this? I would rather be Amy, from that killer show. Her life was better than mine. I stood up, unconsciously, and walked to the kitchen. Standing in front of the sink, my hand went for the knife. I didn't bother to stop myself. I didn't know who I was anymore.

Slash

I welcomed the pain. I deserved it. Blood was trickling down my hand, into the sink. I was about to do it again when a voice stopped me.

" Alice stop! "

Someone grabbed the knife out of my hand and bought my hand to the sink. The cold water washed the blood on my wrist.

" Ellie..."

" Alice what happened to you? " Ellie whispered as she looked at me, tears in her eyes.

" Why are you crying? "

Ellie shook her head and bought me up to my room. She helped me bandaged my wound. Guess her lessons on nursing did help eh.

" Why are you crying? " I asked again.

" I don't know, Alice. " Ellie said, looking at my emotionless eyes. She wiped her tears away. " I guess, I couldn't bear seeing you like this. I'm your best friend, and I care for you. Your not alone you know? I'm here. "

Ellie held my hand and gave me a small smile. Unknowingly, tears were starting to well up in my eyes.

" Don't cry! I'm sorry I said something weird, uh..."

" I thought it'll be better if I died. "

" What? Who told you that? "

" The little voice in my head. Amy I guess. "

Ellie stared at me, confusion on her face. I wouldn't blame her though. Who creates names for the voice inside you?

" Did you hurt you head or something? "

" Maybe? "

" Who are you and what have you done to Alice."

" I'm Alice! " I shouted, trying to hide my laughter.

" No your not! " Ellie shouted, shoving me. " Bring her back! "

" Like I said, I'm Alice! " Not being able to contain my laughter anymore, I bursted out laughing.

Ellie stopped shoving me and gave me a smile.

" Stop that, your creeping me out. " I said, narrowing my eyes at her. " Now I'm beginning to think that you aren't the real Ellie anymore. "

Ellie laughed, and shoved me again. I scrunched my nose and pushed her back.

" That's the Alice I know. I'm glad your back. " Ellie pulled me into her famous bear hug and squeezed me.

" Your suffocating me! "

I wriggled out of her hug and gave her a smile.

" Oh and Alice, you really should lock your door. Now tell me what's going on inside that little head of yours."

And so I did. I told her everything, including the little fight between me and Amy.

" So, who do you want to be with? " Ellie asked when I finished. " But I'll pray for Chris for his surgery to succeed. And glad to know he didn't kill your parents."

" That's the problem, El. I don't know who I want to be with, but either the choice, I'll end up hurting the other. "

" Happiness depends upon ourselves, by Aristotle. Alice, to get one's happiness, someone would be hurt. You can't change that, but the other would have another happiness when he or she finds someone they want to be with. "

" Since when were you an English person? " I asked. But what she said had make sense.

" Since forever. Now, back to the topic. This choice is yours, choose the one that you won't regret. If you choose one that you think is better but it isn't true, then there's no meaning to it. "

" But how do I know? " I asked. " How do I know if I made the right choice? "

" Just follow your heart. "

Follow my heart? Which drama did Ellie take that from again.

" Believe in yourself. " Ellie said, giving me a last squeeze. " I got to go now. Think about what I said, you don't have to be afraid of hurting someone, it's fine. If the other really loves you, then sooner or later, he'll understand. "

I heard the door close behind me.

I thought about Bryan. I felt safe and secure around him, but was it love? Was my so called 'love' for him true? Or was it the kind of love for your big brother?

I thought about Chris. Sweet, tall, mumbling Chris. Chris, who always put me first. Chris who always cared about me. Chris, the one who would rather help the orphanage than to play basketball and become a star. Chris who loved me all along. Chris, the one who I would always go to when I was happy or sad. Chris, the one who made me feel all fluttery and happy when he was with me.

Chris, the one who I loved all along.

Guess I found my answer.

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I'm not really used to mushy stuff...hehe XD    But I hoped you like this chapter! Thank You :D

Cookies and hugs,

-Jun :3