Queen of New York

What Have I Done

Michael's POV

I was already missing before the night I left
Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I? Invisible

What  have I done.

I cheated on Julie? I completely and totally cheated on Julie when I was fully aware that I was cheating on Julie.

But why didn't I feel guilty? I enjoyed the kiss with Quinn. Did I really still feel for Julie?

To deal with all of my self questioning, I ran away.

I'm staying in a hotel in San Fransisco. I'm alone in my room with my thoughts. I'm left alone here to question what happened, why I did what I did, and what I'm going to tell Julie.

Let's start off here. Was Quinn manipulating me? What she was saying seemed to be very biased and very persuasive. Everything she said proved that Julie wasn't really in love with me though.

Next question, did I believe what Quinn said? Apparently so. I kissed her. I didn't push her off. I felt kind of upset when she left me.

Okay, so why did I pull Quinn closer to me and deepen the kiss? I know I wasn't drunk, and I'm pretty  sure I wasn't drugged. I guess I was just in the moment. I felt that weird spark. That excitement of having something you now you shouldn't have.

Alright, so we've established that I was excited. I felt a spark when Quinn kissed me. Okay.

But let's get to the other side of the spectrum. How do I feel about Julie?

Julie's great. I've loved her since I saw that video on YouTube. She's my other half. She and I are perfect for each other. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. We understand each other's weird sense of humor. She's the love of my life.

Am I just saying these things? Am I just trying to convince myself that I love her? Do I really feel that way? Am I lying to myself?

Do I really have feelings for Quinn? Do I actually like Quinn? Would I rather have Quinn than Julie?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions. I'm so confused.

How did I ever get myself in this mess? How did any of us get into this mess? We all came to this school, expecting to have a good time, make some friends, learn lots of things.

What did we get? We got drama. Cheating. Liars. Playing people. And one mess of a love story.

I guess you can never really predict what's really gonna happen in life. Whatever life throws at you, you just have to deal with.

But I don't want to death with this. I don't want to deal with love anymore. I'm tired of having to choose people.

What have I done?