Nothing But Dead (The Walking Dead Fanfic) Book 2

Housekeeping

Back at the prison everything was going fine. Except for the fact that Lakota was becoming a prisoner. Her mind was racing, she hated it in here. She especially hated the thought of having Garrett come back. What was between the two of them was over, and she knew that. Neither one of them officially ended it she just knew it was over.

She has tried to throw him out of her head. But he keeps coming back in night after night. Lakota didn't know if she should really call it a nightmare. Maybe she could never get rid of it, or maybe didn't want to. The strange part was in her dream was that she fought to make sure he didn't kill her. She fought back for her life, but she couldn't bring herself to kill him. And every time she would revisit the dream through all the other options she had: shoot him in the hand, create a diversion for her to get away, or let him kill her.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around my shins. She wanted to curl up into a ball, and hoped she wouldn't have to face real life anymore, she'd be protected from everything around her. But the fact was she couldn't do that, and she has to live with herself, with the wretched memories swirling around in my head. Her eyes, already red and puffy from crying, squeezed shut to push more tears out. She let her head fall down to her knees, and then pulled her legs tighter. No matter what she did, there was no where she could hide from the thoughts in her head.

She didn't want to die.

The sadness flowed through her veins and deadened her mind. It was a poison to her spirit, dulling her killing off her other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon her and refused to shift, and no matter how bright the day was she would feel nothing. For the world was lost to her and she knew of nothing that would bring it back into focus.  

Her memory went back and forth between the last few months and then the last year, before she had become an accepted member of this group she was now in. 

The screaming had stopped so very suddenly. One minute he was right in her face, more alive than he had ever been, and the next he was meat on the floor. She had brought the gun in under her shirt, tucked into the back of her Levi's. She knew he'd get upset, John always did when she didn't listen to him. The gun was just insurance really, a way to make him back off when things got heated. She had found it only the previous week in a car, its numbers filed off, untraceable apparently. 

Before John's blood had congealed she had formulated her story and the others would believe her and if they didn't, they would die as well. She had been surprised by how little effort it had taken to dispatch him. A little squeeze of a finger and he was dead. Less trouble than peeling an orange. She was also taken aback by how little it bothered her, apparently she didn't like him at all.

She shook her head back and forth to try to get the memory out of her head. It wouldn't let go. 

The others didn't exactly buy the excuse she came up with, but none of them said anything to her. However; one by one each person stepped up and each and every time they did something stupid and got themselves killed or others killed. She rarely had to murder the others, but she did it anyways. 

The term "murderer" was now reserved for psychopaths. If the killing was done for means of survival no-one thought less of you. That's how she lived with the things she has done. There were those that took life and crumpled under the weight of guilt, even if they'd no choice. There were some who killed when necessary and never lost a wink of sleep over it. There are others who have made it a whole new hobby, look at them the wrong way and they attacked with lethal force. 

That last group, when they attack with lethal force, those are the only ones considered murderers now. The term applies to her as much as it does to a wolf or a bear or anybody else in the group that she is with now. Killing in self defense is just a given.