Chim - Turn To Stone

Chapter 3

Three

“please let me see her Nadine” Cheryl cried.

I could hear everything, every word, every sob, the fall of every tear.

“she isn’t ready yet” Nadine said softly, her face was full of concern as she spoke to Cheryl.

“But I need to explain, I need to talk to her” Cheryl continued. She had thrown on a pair of blue jeans and a loose jumper, I always used to love her in jeans. She never really believed me when I told her that I preferred her dressed down to dressed up.

Maybe she just didn’t care.

I wondered to myself whether she dressed up for him, although from what I seen, I doubt she dressed at all.

I could see the turmoil on Nadine’s face, I knew that she was torn, she wanted to relent and let Cheryl in. Maybe Cheryl was right, maybe we did need to talk, but it still didn’t mean I was ready to listen. I dropped the curtain, my heart couldn’t take much more.

Cheryl must have seen out of the corner of her eye because the next thing I knew, I heard her shouting my name as she ran over to the window. Her voice was ragged, she sounded weak as she banged on the window and called my name. From where I was I could see the tears rolling down her face, I could hear the pain in her voice and I could see the guilt etched on her face.

I walked to the front door, there was nothing else I could do. I certainly didn’t want a scene in front of Nadine’s house. I don’t think Cheryl expected me to actually open the door, because when I did, all she did was stand there, looking at me for the longest time.

Nadine gave me a funny look, I couldn’t quite tell what it meant but I knew she was hating every minute of this. I probably shouldn’t have come, but I needed somebody, I needed somebody to hold me and tell me that it was all going to be okay.

“I will be back in an hour” Nadine said to me, she grabbed her car keys off the table and passed Cheryl on the door step. “make this right” I heard her say as she left us alone for some privacy.

-

She stood in the frame of the door in silence, her eyes were blood shot through crying. Actually she looked a mess, but then again, so did I. Her stare cut right through me, I wanted her to look away, I wanted to look away as well, but I couldn’t. It was as if she was controlling me, he bit her lip, obviously thinking of what it was she was going to say.

“I suppose you have an excuse” I asked her calmly. I was surprised at how calm my voice came out, because inside I was dying.

She shook her head, resigned to the fact that there wasn’t an excuse big enough in the world to justify her mistake. “I have no excuse” she said quietly, edging her way in to the living room. 

A part of me was thankful that she didn’t try to lie her way out of it.

“please let me explain” she began, her voice was small and weak, not like the Cheryl that I knew and loved.

“what’s to explain Cheryl” I asked her plainly, I could tell that she could see the hurt in my eyes because as soon as she made eye contact with me she looked away, maybe she was ashamed, or maybe she just couldn’t stand to look at me any more.
“it didn’t mean anything, it was a stupid mistake”

She started to sob again. I fought the instinct to wipe away her tears, something which normally, would have been second nature to me.

“it meant enough for you to lie to me. How are you feeling by the way…headache gone”? I couldn’t help my sarcastic tone, the more she spoke the harder it was getting. I wanted to scream at her, I wanted to know so many things, but I knew if I pushed too hard, I might never get the answers.

“Kimberley…I’m so disgusted with myself, I never meant for any of this to happen, you have to believe that babe”.

Babe! That one word made my blood boil.

“why should I believe anything you ever tell me Cheryl? I loved you, I loved you with all my heart and you have betrayed me” I shouted. I tried my best to calm down but I was so worked up that I started crying.

She walked over to me and put her arm on to mine. I pulled away quickly, I didn’t want to be comforted by her, every time I looked at her, all I seen was her and him, together.

“I never meant to hurt you, it’s the last thing I wanted to happen. I know you probably hate me, but believe me, you can’t possibly hate me more than I hate myself”.

I wished that was true, I wanted to believe it was true but I doubted it very much. I had never hated anyone before, but now I was so consumed by anger, I doubted anyone had ever felt worse.

She sat next to me on the couch, but gave me a bit of space. I could feel her eyes on me, even as I dropped my head in to my hands. “Kimberley, I f***** up, and I’ve probably lost you forever…please just look at me” she begged, her voice pleading as she pulled at my arm.

Through my sobs I lifted my head and looked at her, although I really didn’t want to. I didn’t want her to see me like this, so distraught and vulnerable, so weak and emotional. I wanted her to think I was strong, that I could cope with anything, but then again, she knew me better than anyone, and she knew that wasn’t true.

“please don’t leave me” she reached out and brushed my hair out of my eyes which was wet with tears. I should have pushed her hand away, I think she thought I was going to because she flinched when I moved a bit, but for some reason I let her.

“if I never get the opportunity to wake up next to you, if I never get to hold your hand or kiss your lips again because of this…” she went to carry on but the tears got to much for her. She wiped them away quickly and composed herself.

“I never meant to hurt you Kimberley, you’re the only good thing in my life”

My heart was aching, physically aching more than it ever had before. I wanted to take her in my arms, to hug her so tightly that I would forget all our problems, but the only thing that I knew for sure was that she had caused this pain, and I wasn’t sure that she could fix it.

“why”? I sobbed, a pathetic little question that I thought I would never have to ask, but here I was, asking Cheryl why she had cheated on me and broken my heart.