Chim - Turn To Stone

Chapter 20

Twenty

I woke up in the middle of the night. In the last month I had got used to sleeping alone, so it came as a bit of a surprise when I found I couldn’t move because of Cheryl’s arm still around my waist.

I moved her arm slowly so as not to wake her and let it fall on the bed beside me so that I could turn over. It took my eyes a while to adjust to the darkness, but once I did, I slipped out of bed quietly and walked over to the window.

We hadn’t put curtains up because we weren’t overlooked by anybody, and the view was just to nice to cover up every night.

I could see the lights shining far away in other peoples houses, and wondered for a minute what they might be doing. I was willing to bet they weren’t awake at 3am for nothing. Whatever it was they were doing, I envied them.

I looked back at Cheryl sleeping in the bed, the moonlight bounced off the bedside table and on to her face, giving me a clear view. Her face was devoid of stress and worry, and if anything I could even detect the faintest smile on her face.

She really was beautiful, even when she was asleep. Especially when she was asleep in fact. I wondered what she might be dreaming about that could put a smile on her face even whilst she was sleeping.

I hoped it was me but I doubted it very much.

I still dreamt about her. Not as much as I used too, but she always seemed to be there, popping up in my dreams when I needed her the most. I looked back out to the view outside our window.

Even at 3am, people were still getting on with their ever day lives. I could see an endless stream of car headlights making their way up the motorway in the distance. It seemed like everybody was in a rush to get somewhere these days, even I was in a rush to get somewhere with Cheryl.

But whilst everybody else seemed to be in a rush, at least they were actually going somewhere. I, on the other hand, seemed to be stuck, replaying that one moment in my head all the time.

I turned my attention away from the people and their busy lives, if I had to focus on anyone’s life, it needed to be my own. I was enjoying living in the country, the quietness was the main difference. Usually, at 3am in the heart of London, people would just be starting to make their way home from the pubs and clubs, making as much noise as was humanly possible.

The silence gave me time to think. It was just a shame that I couldn’t think about anything other than that one moment in my life when I wish I had been anywhere else but walking in to my bedroom.

I couldn’t forget. I don’t think I could ever forget that sight. It made me sick just thinking about it. Maybe it would always be on my mind, not always at the front of my mind, but I was sure it would always be there somewhere, ready to pop up when I least expected it, just to let me know that she really wasn’t perfect after all.

She wasn’t perfect.

Throughout all the time I had known Cheryl, I had put her on a pedestal, believing her to be something more than she actually was. She was my everything, she still is, but before all this happened, I wouldn’t have believed for one second that Cheryl had a bad bone in her body. But know I knew that I had painted a picture of her in my head that she was never going to live up to.

I thought everything she did was perfect. The way she looked, the way she made me laugh, the way she loved me more than any body else…but now I realise that was just the Cheryl in my head.

“hey” I head her mutter sleepily which caused me to turn around. She rubbed her eyes lazily before sitting up in the bed. “what’s wrong” she asked after her eyes had adjusted to the lighting. “I couldn’t sleep” I admitted, returning my gaze to the window.

“something on your mind” Cheryl asked me from the bed. I could tell all she really wanted to do was go back to sleep, but she must have felt the need to talk to me.

“just you” I replied, laughing a little bit to myself. She was always on my mind.

“is that a good thing or a bad thing” she asked, letting a little bit of worry slip in to her tone.

“neither” I replied simply before tearing my gaze away from the moonlit view and turning around to look at Cheryl, who was still sat up in bed. She reached over and put the table lamp on, probably sensing that this wouldn’t be a two minute conversation.

“you’re always on my mind” I finished before smiling sadly, knowing that it was true. For 7 years she had been on my mind, easing her way in to my every thought and feeling.

“that doesn’t sound like a good thing” she said to me, matching my sad smile with one of her own. She threw the covers from over her and got out of the bed.

My heart skipped a beat when I seen her walking over to me, the night shirt she was wearing stopped just above her knee’s and clung to her body, accentuating her breasts.

I was still so mixed up. At this very moment I wanted Cheryl more than I ever had in my life, yet the thought of being so close to her, the thought of submitting to her emotionally, made me want to cry. I didn’t want to give her my heart again, not all of it anyway.

I gave her my heart and my soul once already, and by the end, it was virtually destroyed. I had to keep a little bit back for myself because if it ever happened again, I’d be nothing.

She stopped in front of me at the window and held her arms out wide, offering me a hug. I walked in to her and wrapped my arms around her waist tightly, not wanting to let her go.

I rested my head in to her shoulder, so close that I could still smell the soap on her skin from her shower a few hours ago. It was only when I felt something on my own neck that I knew she was crying.

I lifted my head up and wiped a few tears away from her face, before kissing her softly on the lips. “I am sorry” she whispered through her sobs.

I kissed her harder on the lips, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I should have just left it at that and got in to bed, but something stopped me. She kissed me back, uncertain at first of where it was leading.

I knew exactly where it was leading, but I was powerless to stop myself.