Chim - Turn To Stone

Chapter 14

Fourteen

I arrived at rehearsals with Nadine about 20 minutes late. If I was on my own, I would have made sure I got there early, or at least on time, but as I was waiting for Nadine I had more than convinced myself that I would be an hour late.

The other girls were already there when we walked in to the large mirrored room that we were using to perfect our dance routines. Cheryl stopped warming up when she saw me and came over with a huge smile on her face.

She went to take me by the hand but something stopped her and instead she gave my arm a light tap before sticking her own hand in her pocket. Nadine put her stuff down and went to talk to the other two girls, giving us some privacy.

“I spoke to the estate agent this morning, everything’s set” she told me, directing me to a few empty chairs that were positioned around the room. “she said that she was going to set up a few viewings for us this week if that’s okay with you” she told me, before looking at me expectantly.

“we’re doing the right thing aren’t we” I asked her, letting a few of my insecurities rise to the surface. For a second, she looked like she didn’t know what to say. “if its too quickly for you, we don’t have to do it right away” she said with one of her reassuring smiles.

Cheryl had that way of captivating me without even trying, all she had to do was look at me with her intense eyes or smile at me with her naturally gorgeous smile and I was like putty in her hands. “no, its fine” I smiled, and hoped it really was.

I caught Sarah and Nadine looking over at us from the corner of my eye, both of whom had matching smiles. It seemed that everyone was happy at my decision.

I tried to match her confident smile as best I could and got up to start warming up for the long hours of dance practicing ahead. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, in fact it was impossible not to, I was surrounded by them.

I didn’t recognise myself. The smile I had on my face was as fake as could be, in fact it was like looking at a stranger. I wondered how long it had been since I had eaten as well, looking at myself, I hadn’t lost weight visibly, but I knew I wasn’t taking care of myself properly.

Maybe I would always feel like this. Maybe I would always question my decisions from now on and view things differently. I supposed I would always look at things that little bit more negatively now. Instead of thinking of the good in everybody, I would have to first accept the bad in them. Maybe I had sacrificed a little bit of me to still be with Cheryl, I just hoped it was a sacrifice worth making.

-

I sat at one of the small wooden tables which sat next to the bank of a small lake. It was one of the places we used to come when we first started dating, big enough to get lost in the crowd, but small enough so that people didn’t bother us. It reminded me of happier times, sometimes we used to sit at this table for hours with a bottle of wine, just watching the view.

It was my idea to come hear. I knew that I needed to spend more time with Cheryl, but I wanted it to be on my terms. So taking advantage of the hot weather we were having, I found myself suggesting we go for an early afternoon drink or two.

She came to the table and placed to large glasses of white wine down before sitting opposite me. She had changed from her tracksuit bottoms and t shirts in to a dress and heels. I could see people turning in their seats once they recognised her, trying to get a better look.

Normally I used to find it quite amusing, knowing that at the end of the day, she went home with me. Now I was a little bit unsettled. I didn’t like the feeling of everybody looking at her. What if she was looking at them back?

I was being ridiculous, I knew. Or was I? Any one of the people in this bar could have been him. I don’t think it really mattered to her that he was a footballer with a bit of money, it could easily have been the guy sat at the table next to us that was staring at her as if she was a piece of meat.

“are you okay” she asked me with concern showing on her face. “I tried to snap myself out of this little jealous rant that was going on in my head. “yeah I’m fine” I lied. It seemed that that was the only thing I was saying lately.

I’m fine. It’s Fine. We’re fine.

I wasn’t fine. I hadn’t even been sat here for ten minutes and I already imagined that she was eyeing up every man and woman in the place.

“I love it here” she said, seemingly oblivious to the inner torment I was feeling. She cast her eyes over the lake that sat beside us and took a sip of her drink. Under any other circumstances, it really would have been lovely. The view across the lake was amazing, the sun was out, the wine was good…and the company, well that should have been good too.

She was about to say something when her phone rang. She looked at the display before looking at me with an apologetic expression. “its me mam” she told me. I could see the hesitation in her face, she didn’t want to break the moment that we might have been about to have, but in the business we were in, speaking to family was something to be treasured because it didn’t happen that often.

“answer it then” I said to her with a smile and stared out towards a few ducks that had found their way on to the lake. I could hear the feint swish of traffic passing from the motorway that was just a few hundred feet away, although to look at it, we could have been in the middle of the countryside.

I had one ear on the conversation Cheryl was having with her mum, but found myself slipping back in to my earlier train of thought. People were always going to be showing Cheryl attention.

And it wasn’t as if they were just going to be the average joe off the street. We were surrounded by beautiful, sexy, available people every day of the week. Would she be strong enough to resist temptation and stay faithful to me? Or would somebody else turn her head, somebody who was that little bit more sexy than I am, or that little bit more charismatic…

“she said hello” Cheryl said, pulling me back in to reality. “how is she” I asked her, trying to make light conversation in the hope she wouldn’t pick up on my uneasy feelings. “oh you know, moaning as usual” she laughed, taking another sip of her drink.

She kept her attention fixed on me like she used to do. Sometimes, when I was with Cheryl, I felt as though I was the only important person in the world to her, although that had changed over the past week. She blocked everybody out around her, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was being stared at by practically everybody.

“some things never change” I answered with a smile and took a big drink of my wine, finding the taste to be a bit sour, but needed. “she wants me to go down and see her when I’ve got some time off” she told me. I knew what she was saying, she wanted to know whether it was alright.

She was actually asking me if she could go and see her parents, as if I owned her. “that’ll be nice” I said, trying to bite my tongue. We had fallen in to comfortable chatter, I didn’t want to spoil it by letting my insecurities come out.

I looked back out to the lake and realised that it was going to take a long time to get over this, a long, long time.