Chim - Turn To Stone

Chapter 39

Thirty - Nine

“come on babe…lets go home” she said, standing up from her kneeling position. I was thankful that there was nobody around because I must have looked a right state, my hands were covered in mascara and eyeliner so I could only imagine what my face looked like. 

I lifted my hand to put it on the stirring wheel and watched it shake, it was as if I had absolutely no control over it at all. Cheryl must have noticed as well because she came back round to my side of the car and put her hand out for me to take it. 

“I’ll drive” she suggested, which was probably very wise in the condition I was in. She didn’t look much better though to be fair, but she was stronger than I was, or at least I hoped she was because if we were both as weak as I felt right now, there was no hope at all. 

We swapped places in the car and I slumped in to the passenger seat, relieved that we had both only had one glass of wine because if she had have had any more, I honestly think we might have had to spend the night in the lay by. 

I felt her glance over at me as I stared out of the front window, watching the tarmac and white lines disappear under the car. 

“what are you thinking?” she asked me suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughtless staring in to space. 

“I’m thinking that I’ve just woken up in to a nightmare” I laughed sadly. 

Neither of us spoke again until we got to our house. Words weren’t really necessary at a time such as this, no words from her could have changed the feeling of utter shock I was experiencing and no words I could possibly say to her would make anything better. 

She parked the car on the drive and we walked silently in to the house. “do you want a cup of tea?” she asked, once the door was closed. 

She didn’t wait for my answer as she headed in to the kitchen and busied herself with the kettle. I followed her like a lost little puppy. 

She did it for me.

All this time I spent hating her and being angry at her, and the only reason she had done it was to protect me. Was it my fault? Was it her fault? I really didn’t know who’s fault it was any more. 

I suppose it had to be mine really. I couldn’t even remember talking to Nicola about me and Cheryl in public, normally we were always so careful. But if he hadn’t have over heard our conversation, then Cheryl wouldn’t have slept with him. 

She should have told me.

She placed the cup in front of me and walked around the breakfast bar and sat opposite me with her own cup. 

“we could have got through it together” I said, thinking aloud. She looked up from her cup and nodded solemnly. 

“I know” she agreed quietly. “but I didn’t think you could handle the stress of everybody knowing about us” she said, I knew she was trying to justify it in her head, probably to herself as well as me. 

“but you think I can handle this?” I asked her, genuinely intrigued as to the answer. 

“you were never meant to find out Kimberley. It was supposed to happen and then we’d spend the rest of our lives together…happy” she replied, sighing deeply before putting her own head in to her hands. 

“but you didn’t have to do it Cheryl” I shouted. She didn’t have to do it, Cheryl was a strong, independent woman and I knew in my heart of hearts that she could have found another way out. 

“I know…but I did it. And I can’t take it back. I lost my head and I’m sorry, it just seemed like an easy way out” she replied, shouting back at me. 

-

“I know you Cheryl, I know you better than you know yourself” I started, putting my cup aside so that I could concentrate on her. “and I know that you would never get yourself in to a situation that you weren’t totally happy with, so don’t you ever say that you did this for me. It might have started out that way, but you could easily have said no” I shouted. 

I got up off my stool and walked to the kitchen door. “I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, I’m just saying that it wasn’t as simple as you think it was” she shouted to me to stop me from leaving. 

“could you have said no?” I asked her simply. 

“yes” she replied quietly. 

“did you?” I asked her, “did it ever occur to you to just say no?” I asked with an incredulous laugh. 

She didn’t say anything, Her silence spoke volumes for me. 

“I mean he is your type Cheryl…or he used to be, before you met me” I kept on. 

She crossed the room to meet me at the door way. “I wasn’t trying to blame you babe, maybe I was weak, and I could have said no…but there was no feelings in it, it was just sex” she said, bringing her hand up to cup my cheek. 

“you looked like you were enjoying it” I told her quietly. There was no malice in my words, I was merely stating a fact. 

“it’s always been the bad boys with you, hasn’t it Cheryl” I sighed, stepping backwards to put some distance between us. “you only ever used to want them if they acted like a complete t*** towards you”. 

She swallowed hard, the truth was probably hard for her to hear. 

“maybe he did know about us, but he truth is, he sucked you in, if you weren’t with me, he’d be perfect for you and we both know it” I told her. 

-

I sat on the couch in the living room. She sat on the floor opposite me with her back resting against a chair. We had reached a bit of a stale mate. I had told her that whatever happened from here on in, she needed to be 100% truthful with me, even if she thought I couldn’t handle it. 

The truth was that I don’t really think anything she could say would shock me any more. 

“I was flattered” she replied after a while. She lifted her knee’s up and hugged them in to her chest defensively, probably needing some comfort that she felt she couldn’t get from me. 

“I know I should have just told him he was being a d***, but the truth was that I was flattered. It shouldn’t even have entered my head, but something about him just seemed to get under my skin” she admitted. 

Even though it was hard to listen to, I knew this was the real truth. I had every belief that she probably thought she was doing the right thing when she started, but I saw the look on her face when I walked in to our bedroom. I just wondered at what point she completely forgot about me and the reason she had convinced herself she had cheated for. 

“I just don’t understand, I mean, were you bored?” I asked her. 

“no” she replied, looking at me as if it was a stupid question. 

“did you feel trapped?” I went on. It had played on my mind ever since Nadine had told me that was the reason she cheated on one of her past boyfriends. Maybe thing were moving to fast for her, or maybe she just missed the company of men. 

She faltered a little before shaking her head, which made me think there was something she wasn’t telling me. 

“maybe” she replied with a little bit of a cringe. I could tell by her face that she was anticipating a heated or angry response from me, but to her surprise, it didn’t come. 

We sat there, both lost in our own thoughts as the silence descended on us once more. I wanted to thank her for at least telling me the truth but I didn’t. 

“what happens now” she asked, looking at me expectantly. 

I knew what I was going to say next would shock her, but she needed to hear it. 

“if you want me Cheryl, if you are serious about us, then we tell every one…tomorrow. If you cant do that, then I cant be with you” I told her, my voice sounding surprisingly confident, especially seeing as I was petrified really.