All My Love

Chapter 24

"You can't just walk away from me after saying something like that." Harry says, trying to keep his voice down as he follows me all the way to my room. I stay at my door frame, waiting for my eyes to focus on the light change. I don't remember turning my lamp on next to my bed when coming out earlier but Harry's confused face is lit up from it behind me.

"Yes I can. I don't want to feel this way about you and I know damn well you don't feel the same so please just stop. This whole thing is over with, clearly, and I need these feelings about you to go away. It's not fair for us, especially me." It's hard to breathe, never in my life did I think I'd be standing here telling Harry to basically piss off. I don't want to, God, I really don't want to but I have to. It's what's best for me.

"Becca—" Harry starts but I cut him off before he has the chance to say anything.

"—No Harry." I whisper, tears blocking my vision on the tall boy I fell in love with. I was stupid and desperate last year, I wanted someone to experience with and he was there. I didn't look at him more than a friend ever since the first day of meeting him. He was just someone to casually hook up with, I wanted to be one of those people who didn't care.

"I didn't think that any of this would happen, just.. Just don't cry." Harry's voice low, he steps towards me and puts his hand out but I stop him, backing up myself.

"Exactly you didn't think, we both didn't think. I was the stupid one who thought I couldn't love someone who took my took my virginity. We dragged the hook ups out, it happened almost every day, it was bound to happen. I don't understand how you didn't see it?" I give an unbelievable laugh between tears and his face falls, noticing the amount of tears coming out.

"Of course I thought about it Becca, why do you think I always asked you if you had any feelings for me? You always told me no, how the hell are you just randomly in love with me out of the blue?" Harry looks harsh now, like he's actually mad that I'm in love with him.

"Please leave. I understand Stella lives here but whenever you're here just don't come around me and I'll stay clear of you. I can't do this anymore." I let out an exhausted breath and he sucks in his lips, looking up at the ceiling before running his hand through his hair.

"Whatever." Harry finally speaks and walks away down the hall.

When I shut my door, I slide down it and begin to cry harder as I sit down on my bedroom floor with my knees to my chin. Out of nowhere I hear the front door slam shut, causing a jump from me and bite my tongue to slow down the tears that are staining my cheeks. I weakly stand up and crawl into bed after turning the lamp off.

I lay there in the darkness, looking over at the empty spot next to me. I start to think about the times he's slept over on accident, jumping into the closet every time we heard Stella's voice. I took those sleep overs for granted, I didn't realize how nice they were until now. Now there's no way he'll ever be by my side, friend or not. His company was always my favorite, I never felt lonely even when we were quiet. I don't know what I just did.

•••

The next morning, I wake up with an intense headache, burning and dry eyes, along with what feels like stained cheeks. I don't remember falling asleep but I know I did let out a good cry session. I sit up and pull my hair up in a messy bun, picking up my phone after to see if I have any messages.

"Nice." I whisper to myself, not recognizing my weak voice. Of course I'm seeing if there's a text from Harry but there's not one single one. I unlock my phone and go to our messages, sliding through them quickly before going back and deleting them all. I toss my phone on the other side of the bed and get up, using the restroom before making my way to Stella's room. I open the door slowly, peaking in to see her passed out in her Halloween costume. She's definitely going to feel that hangover today.

Nine to twelve, I keep myself distracted by cleaning. Cleaning the kitchen, living room, and my bathroom. It didn't really help though, whenever I made it to my bathroom I would break down in tears. I sat on the floor for an hour trying to keep my breathing under control, it almost got to the point where I was hyperventilating. I need to get away from here.

So here I am, sitting on the couch at my parents house. My mom is in the kitchen, cooking me up a late lunch which I'm grateful for. I look like a crying mess. I drove all the way here in baggy clothes, dark circles, messy hair, and burning eyes. The look on my mom's face was devastating, she didn't expect her daughter to look so broken. I'm broken, it's exactly what I am. I admitted everything to her. I told her about Harry and how he was the one who took my virginity and that we continued hooking up any chance we got. I could see it in her eyes she knew what I did was wrong, and not for the right reason, but she never once told me that I was.

"Here, sweetie." My mom squeaks from the kitchen and I look over at her setting the grilled cheese down on the counter in front of short barstools. I get up and drag my feet over, plopping down and staring down at the half burnt bread. "You need to eat." She tells me softly, not pushing me but letting me know that I still need to eat. I've gone all day without anything besides water, which hasn't been much of that either. It amazes me that my heart could be broken in the matter of minutes. I realize I love him and bam, I'm crying my eyes out because my heart broke seconds after.

"I know you don't want to hear this but Harry won't be the only one." My mom reminds me for the second time and I nod, lazily bringing the slice of grilled cheese up to my mouth. She sets her hand on my free hand on the counter and leaves me alone to eat. I take one bite and drop it on the plate, slowly chewing the piece as I stare down at the counter into oblivion.

I finish one piece and my mom comes back in the kitchen. I haven't touched the rest of the sandwich for ten minutes, I've only been staring blank. I get up from the stool and walk back to the couch the same time my mom throws away the other half.

"You can go lay in my bed Rebecca." My mom says and I drag my feet towards the hallway to get into my parent's room. I bring her feather filled comforter up to my chin and move to the fetal position, closing my eyes from the painful night I had not even twenty-four hours ago.

"Becs." I hear a whisper and flutter my eyes open. For a split second, my heart drops thinking it's Harry but I'm disappointed when I see my father's face. "We made dinner." My stomach growls right as he says that and I smell the meatloaf that is making it's way back here. I get out of bed, following my father to the table where a small piece is placed in front of me.

"Where's my phone?" I ask, looking around and my mother brings it over as she brings the mashed potatoes. I click on the home button and see multiple texts from Stella and when I see one from Harry, my stomach falls out of my butt and I rush to unlock my phone. I mess up a couple times finally getting in to see what he said.

Harry: I need my shit back.

Just as I thought I was called cried out, tears prick my eyes and I bite my tongue to keep them back. I see he sent that at four and keep myself from replying.