All My Love

Chapter 70

| Flashback |
| Harry |

It's another shitty night of drinking the same shitty liquor and smoking the same shitty weed that never fails to taste stale as fuck. I'm trying. I'm trying with every fucking fiber in my body but none of this is helping. None of this ever helps anymore. My body is so immune to these pointless substances that there is no reason in doing any of this anymore. My mind is still on a constant play of Nessa. Everything I do, see, or say reminds me of her. I wake up and she's the first face that comes to mind. Wondering what the fuck she's doing. Is she sad? Hurt? Bored? Relieved? Happy? These questions are in between each thought and it's really starting to piss me off. I want her to get the fuck out. Leave me alone. We've been over for awhile, almost a year to be exact but bloody hell she was my whole world who decided a one night stand was more important than a two year relationship. The funny thing about it is, she told me seconds after, called me up at three in the morning crying her eyes out to confess her affair over the goddamn phone.

Now I'm here. Here in America because my own mum couldn't stand my behavior because of my broken heart. My heart was torn up and I couldn't help but break it myself as I told Nessa to never speak to me again. She showed up at my house the next morning begging through the screen door to let her in and as much as I gripped that cold knob, I stood my ground and slammed the door. Ache covered my entire body as I turned around, hearing her cry, calling my name.

"Still on your mind?" Michael startles me, slapping his hand on my shoulder and I look over at him with a glare.

"How do you even know that I'm thinking about her?" I ask and he laughs, taking the cup of beer out of my hand.

"Because this is still full and by the looks of it, you're losing your high." Michael looks in my eyes and I grab the cup back aggressively, causing a bit to spill over the rim. "Want another hit?" Michael asks and I shove pass him, keeping my eyes on Becca who is leant up against the urine-yellow wallpaper, looking down at her phone. "Even better." I hear Michael say but ignore looking back at him.

I down the beer and toss the red cup behind me, licking the excess off my lips. Just one kiss. One kiss of another girl will take the bitch off my mind, it has to. Why Becca? Why don't I find some desperate slut? I can't. I'm too hooked on the innocence of Becca, someone who hasn't been touched the way I've touched. She's my goal. As fucked up as it sounds, the day I take her virginity will be the day I'll feel powerful again.

When I reach Becca I take her phone out of her hand and her blue eyes shoot up to me, frowning. I shove it in my back pocket and as she goes to speak, I stop her with my lips before she can even get anything out. Seconds later, she pushes me off and I hood my eyes, looking at her with disbelief that she shoved me off. I wasn't ready for that kind of reaction, I've never encountered it.

"What are you doing?" Her eyes poke out, looking around and I swallow hard.

"Kissing you?"

"What? Why? We're friends." Becca squeals and I inhale.

"Look, you look bored and you obviously enjoyed the kiss last week so I just thought since there's nothing else to do that I'd come over and entertain the both of us. Friends can kiss, it's just kissing." I tell her and I can tell by her body language that she's nervous once again. I get why she is, I can look intimidating but she really has nothing to be nervous about. It's just a simple snogging session and then it'll be done, over with. "If you don't want to, I can't force you." I'm growing impatient from her eyes looking around. I roll my eyes and begin to turn around. I feel a small hand grab my wrist. I smirk before I look back, in hopes that she's made her decision to wanting to but instead she asks for her phone back.

"I'm flattered but I don't think that'd be a very good idea." Becca tells me, her blue eyes burning into mine. I can sense that's not what she really wanted to say.