All My Love

Chapter 38

"Wait, what?" My eyes bug out when I look down Stella. I take a step back and blink my eyes, trying to process what she just confessed to me.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
There's no way.

What the hell am I supposed to say back? I don't believe in that shit and I definitely don't want her being in love with me. How the hell is she already in that deep with me? We haven't been together for that long... Have we?

"I... I.. Nevermind. I don't know what I was saying." Stella shakes her head wildly, touching my chest and I bring my eyebrows together in confusion. I rub my hand up and down her arm, looking at the church where Becca disappeared to.

"I'm going to the toilet." I say and walk away, passing multiple people.

I look both ways trying to find the bathrooms and suddenly see Becca walk out of the left side.

I rush over to her and her eyes go wide when she sees me. I grab ahold of her wrist and pull her into the bathroom, locking the door to the one toilet that sits in the corner. What a fancy ass bathroom for a church. Granite counter for the one sink, stainless steel doorknob, and marble flooring.

"What are you doing?" Becca asks with attitude, rubbing her wrist up to her chest as she looks at me like I'm insane.

"I'm sorry—" I breathe out and she twists her face in confusion. I take a deep breath before elaborating. "—I'm sorry for leaving that day." Becca doesn't make eye contact, she looks off to the side. "—I'm sorry Becca, I.. I left because I didn't w—"

"—I don't care Harry." She cuts me off and I step back, confusion behind my eyes.

"What?"

| Becca |

"I don't care for an apology. I no longer feel the same for you. By you leaving helped me realize what kind of guy you are. A selfish and heartless human being, you don't care for anything or anyone but yourself. You only care for your own feelings, but in reality you have none. I needed you the most that day but I'm glad I didn't have you to hold on to because I can finally say that you mean nothing to me now." I shoot out, releasing the words that I've practically rehearsed over and over in my head. Harry looks off to the side, probably trying to comprehend everything I just said and I mentally pat myself on the back for the reaction I got from him. He's shocked.

As I start walking towards the door, Harry grabs onto my upper arm and I look back, down at his hand, and try to get out of his grip.

"Get off of me." I say with sternness and he shakes his head no.

"You can't tell me that shit." He says and finally lets go and I breathe quickly before going towards the door but he only beats me to it, blocking me in.

"Let me out Harry." I say, not looking up at his eyes.

"I mean nothing to you now because I wasn't there for you?—" Harry asks through his teeth, walking towards me. I step back each step he takes and I see his eyes turning darker than usual. "—I only care for my own feelings?" He continues and I look back, my butt hitting the counter. I gulp when he gets closer, placing his hand on the mirror behind me.

"You left." I choke out and he rolls his eyes, standing up straight from leaning over me.

"You fucking told me to not be there for you! You kept telling me to leave you alone! The day of his surgery, I saw you. You were in the cafeteria, helping an old man. I was watching you and at how soft you were with him. I wanted to be there for you Becca. Bloody hell, I wanted to so bad but it hit me that you were right. I can't-shouldn't, be there for you. I can't keep destroying you, I'm ruining the whole love thing for you. I don't want that for you—" He barks out, punching the gray wall, causing it to dent in. I jump at his action and finally feel the tears falling down my face. "—I don't want you wasting that shit on me, I don't believe in it—" His eyes are burning into mine, his chest rising. "—Love isn't a real thing in my eyes, so it's good for the both of us that you from now on hate me." Harry's voice is soft and I hear his clicks echo within the walls of this bathroom, walking towards me. "You deserve someone who will feel the same about you, alright?" He whispers and I feel my heart trying to escape out of my chest the closer he gets.

Without any kind of warning, a soft kiss is placed on my lips before he plants another on my forehead. He gives me one more look the same time he backs away from me in silence, then turns around to walk out.

When I finally collect myself from what just happened, I get the courage to walk out of the church. I wipe underneath my eyes and throw a smile on my face as I see some cousins who call me over.

I make it up to them and block out their voices as I look around, trying to find Harry but see nothing but a car at the exit of the parking lot, speed off. I focus going back to my cousin's conversation and take a rugged breath before conversing with them.

•••

Most of us have been at my house for an hour now, eating, talking, and laughing. I can't help but feel as if we shouldn't be having a good time, like we should be sitting here, crying.

I excuse myself from the living room full of friends and family and walk into my old room. I crouch down in front of a box, opening it up to find some old photo albums. I pick one up and opening it up as I walk over to my bed.

The first picture is of me and brother at my fourth birthday, he has cake all over his face because of me throwing it at him. I give out a breathless laugh and turn the page, to see a picture of him in the corner in his baseball uniform. He wasn't exactly happy that our mother was wanting to take fifteen pictures of the same pose.