All My Love

Chapter 30

**TRIGGER WARNING: Oral Sex**

I watch Harry take another swig of the alcohol that's now half empty because of the two of us. We've been admitting to some things about our passed that seemed to mess up quite a bit. Come to find out that Nessa girl broke his heart after being together for about two, almost three years. She cheated on him with some random guy at a party that Harry didn't want to attend. I guess she tried explaining herself over and over again, begging for forgiveness but Harry didn't want to forgive her. I don't blame him, what an ugly way to get back at him for not going to a stupid party. He was broken the moment he found out. Nothing else mattered around him and he fell apart until he moved to America. His mom couldn't handle the alcohol abuse and stumbling in at all hours of the night, so he was basically forced to move out here with his father. But, he couldn't handle living there with a "spoiled, gold digging broad" and their daughter so his father bought him a place for an apologetic act.

"Do you miss her?" I ask in a low voice, looking down at the bottle before looking at Harry's glossy, now emeralds. He leans forward, taking the bottle out of my hands and taking a sip before licking his red lips.

"Honestly? No, not anymore." He tells me, shaking his head a bit slower than normal.

"Does she miss you?" I ask, pushing my damp hair behind my ear. I pick up a fry and wait for his answer.

Harry only hesitates a nod but goes through with it, closing his eyes for a second before locking them back with me.

"How do you know?" Stop being so nosy. My subconscious comes out and I push her back, as usual.

"She messaged me through Facebook a year and a half ago before I got rid of it." Harry speaks, taking another swig and I take it away from him to set on the table. I think we both have had enough.

"Did you reply?" I'm being nosy, I know, but I'm just asking out of real curiosity, not because I'm in love with him and jealous. I'd probably end up in my first cat fight if I ever had the chance to meet her. Harry shakes his head and runs his hands down his face when he leans back, resting his head on the wall. He takes a deep breath and looks back at me.

"How do you do it?" He asks, in a soft chuckle with a small smirk appearing, ignoring my question.

"Do what?" I bring my eyebrows together in confusion and position myself in the chair again to get somewhat more comfortable.

"Continue to smile through all the bullshit that happens in your life." Harry clarifies and I'm somewhat taken aback by it. I stay silent for a moment and part my lips.

"Because I try to stay positive, I don't know. I kind of have to—" I shrug. "—Plus right now, I could really use all the positivity in me or I won't make it through this." I feel the prick in my eyes and whisper a curse word at myself as I look up, remembering why I'm in this hotel in the first place. I look around it and see the desert ambiance that seems to be all around this hotel, which now that I think about it, we are in the desert. A large picture above the bed shows a picture of a small cactus in the middle of nowhere and suddenly I'm feeling just as alone.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't cry." Harry speaks and I touch my cheek, not realizing that a small amount of tears are falling. I give myself an unbelievable laugh and wipe them away, looking away from Harry. I've never cried so much in front of him, I don't think I ever really have. I was never one to cry in front of people so the fact that I'm constantly crying in front of Harry of all people, surprises me.

Harry's crouching down in front of me, rubbing the top of my forearm up and down, trying to get me to calm down away from those thoughts. It only makes it worse.