All My Love

Chapter 37

"His sister Becca, would like to say a few words." I hear the man, I think he's the uncle if I remember correctly from fifteen minutes ago, says and I immediately tense up.

Watching her slowly make it up to the podium, taking deep but extremely slow breaths to keep herself from crying causes me to shift in my seat from how bad I wish I could take the pain away.

"Did you know she was going to speak?" I whisper over at Stella, still keeping my eyes focused on Becca.

"No." She whispers back and I shake my foot uncontrollably as it hangs next to my knee. I feel Stella's hand on my thigh, running up and down, soothing me and I run my hand through my hair for the hundredth time today and get ready for Becca to break down in front of these people.

I watch as she unfolds a piece of paper, hearing the noise through the microphone the same time she sniffs. She smooths out the paper and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath before looking into the crowd. I've always seen Becca as the shy type, never one who would get up in front of maybe seventy people. She was always so shocked at how I could sing in front of her in the car or just while I'm sitting next to her on her bed. Whenever I tried to get her to sing, her face would become an oven and she'd shake her head no over and over and over again until I stopped asking.

"Hi—" Her voice weak, clearing her throat. "—I've never stood in front of this many people before so—" Becca looks down at her paper and takes a breath and continues. "—I apologize if I end up stuttering my words, being all over the place, or even breaking down." A small smile shows on her face and my eyes smile for me. Suddenly my eyes glance at my foot that no longer bounces and I breathe hard, wrapping my left arm around Stella's tiny body. "Some of you may know or may not know that Drew was my older brother, but honestly he wasn't just my brother to me. He was basically my best friend, the only true rock I have-had in my life. When he lived here, he was the only person that I could go to and talk about anything with, most siblings can't really do that so I was lucky enough to have him as mine. I'll never forget the time that I accidentally broke our parent's valuable vase that was passed down for generations, Drew took the blame for me that day-sorry mom and dad, it's true, I was the one who broke the vase one day back when I was eight." The crowd of people let out a short breathy laugh before she continues. "He wasn't scared of the consequence he'd receive knowing that I was safe from the wrath of our parents. He was always that way. He always made sure I was safe and having a good time.... It takes a lot to be that selfless....Now if any of you know him, you know that he liked to party—" Becca gives a soft laugh to herself and takes a second before continuing. "—Most college students are that way. Whenever he came down, there was never a time he wasn't at a party. He knew I wasn't much of a party goer and would constantly ask if any of my friends would like to go. I always told him no but little did I know that him and my friend Harry would be the partiers—" I feel Stella pat my thigh and I swallow as I hear my name fall out of Becca's mouth. I did not expect her to say my name. "—Then more times that he came down, the more he became friends with all of mine. At first I thought it was a bit weird that they were all becoming good friends but then I realized that Drew is a social butterfly and he'd make twelve new best friends within an hour if he wanted to. That's what I liked about my brother, he was never judgmental when it came to meeting people. He never wanted someone to feel left out or feel like they weren't good enough. He was literally friends with everybody around. He had a good heart, he was sensitive but not too sensitive, he was smart. It's weird to me that he won't be coming back, it hasn't really hit me yet. It hasn't hit me that my brother is now in a better place. It hasn't hit me that my best friend is gone."

"Oh no." I hear Stella whisper next to me and keep my eyes on Becca who looks like she's about to break down within a second.

"Honestly, I didn't really know what I was going to say this whole time—" Becca laughs and sniffs while she picks up the paper she unfolded. "—I really only have "hi" written on this. I have too many thoughts and emotions swimming through my head to even process any of it enough to write it down. It's a reason I sounded all over the place or why none of it really made sense. As much as I'd like to stand up here and continue to speak about my brother, I can't because we'd be here all night. I'd just like you all to know that I miss my brother a lot but try to remember that we'll be okay." Becca gives a smile, trying to be convincing that she's okay and breaks down once she steps away from the podium. As I think she's going to sit back down, I watch as she rushes through the aisle to the back door.

"I'll be right back." Stella whispers, shooting up and following her best friend. I reposition myself in the seat and look over at Michael who scoots over to me.

"Go out there." Michael tells me and I look at him weird before shaking my head no.

"That's not a good idea." I whisper and look up at the guy who speaks about something from the bible and I try to focus on him but I can feel the hole burning into the side of my face. "Stop staring at me."

"You're an idiot." Michael whispers and I roll my eyes.

"Why? Because she doesn't want anything to do with me so I'm keeping my distance?" I whisper over to him and a lady who sits in front of us, turns around telling us to shush and I point over to Michael like a little kid.

•••

I stand there alone, with my hands in my pockets, as I watch the hearse drive off. The wind picks up, causing me to fix my hair once again and I take a deep breath before a tall blonde guy, who looks like a frat boy in loafers, walks up to me.

"Can I help you?" I ask, squinting my eyes at him from the sun being behind him. Fuck me for not remembering to bring my sunglasses from the car.

"You must be Harry." He speaks and I furrow my brows before nodding.

"And you are?"

"Kyle, I was pretty good friends with Drew back in school." The frat boy speaks, putting his hand out and I look down at it before placing mine with his.

"How do you know who I am?" I ask, taking my hand back and crossing my arms.

"Drew talked about you—" Kyle tells me and I'm taken aback from it. "—Not in a shitty way."

"Okay?" I long out so he'll hurry up and finish this small talk.

"Drew always told me that if something was to ever happen to him that he wanted you to be the one who looked over Becca." He tells me and I throw my head back in disbelief laughter. Yeah right.

"He always threatened me about his sister." I raise my eyebrows and he purses his lips before shrugging.

"I don't know man, I just thought I'd let you know because he obviously secretly liked you a lot more than any of us."

"Thanks." I say flatly and my eyes scan the heads around the front of the church, stopping at Becca who hugs a couple girls.

Kyle walks away after telling me it was nice meeting me and I feel someone grab my hand. Knowing it's Stella from her always cold hands, I bring her in front of me and snake my arm around the bottom of her back before cupping one cheek and planting my lips on hers.

"What was that for?" Stella asks smiling after I detach from her. The corner of my mouth raises and I shrug.

"Just because." I bounce my shoulders and my eyes land on Becca once again. I swallow hard and watch as she begins to walk away from everyone.

"Harry—" Stella says my name and I tear my eyes away, humming down at her. "—I love you."