All My Love

Chapter 27

Ever sit in the car and feel like everything surrounding you is going slower than it actually should? Like you're in some kind of dramatic movie where you're looking out the window for no apparent reason, it's just because it's dramatic. That's what it is at this very moment sitting in Harry's car. As busy as it is around us, it doesn't seem like it in my world. I feel like my heart is being pulled on in many directions and it's not because of the boy sitting next to me. God is testing me. He has been this whole time. The whole situation was the first test for strength, it was all leading to this. I didn't find myself very strong with Harry but now for this, that makes me look like the strongest person in the universe. Why me? It's always me. Why must I go through struggles in life almost all the time. I can't keep up with life itself anymore, every day is a different bullshit situation.

"Becca?" Harry breaks the thirty minute silence and I keep my eyes on the expensive car next to us. I don't want to look over at him, it'll only remind me that I have him to deal with just as much. "Becca, look at me." He breathes and I bite my tongue, hearing the desperation behind his thick accent. A sigh escapes his mouth and I push hair behind my ear, moving closer towards the door of his old classic Mustang, wanting to be far away as possible. "Stop acting like I'm some horrible person."

"I didn't want this. I didn't want you to drive me, I don't need you caring this much for you to insist on driving me. I would've been fine on my own like I have been for the past three weeks." I shout, releasing some anger that has been built up. I take a deep breath from the lack of breathing I did in that short outburst.

"You're still in love with me?" Harry half whispers and I roll my eyes in disbelief of him thinking I could easily forget about him.

"Yes Harry, of course I am. You don't know how fucking hard it is to see you at the apartment with Stella. It hurts." I say, all while tears started falling once again. My head is pounding from the constant cycle I've been having about this emotion and I look over at him. "I didn't need this rescue. Especially not from you." I bring my voice back to the regular level and go back to looking out the window. "I don't want to love you." I practically mumble so he can't hear.

"I don't understand what I did to you that makes you hate me so much now." He raises his voice a bit and I close my eyes to let a tear fall.

You made me love you, you made me fall in love so deep that there's no way out at this point. My subconscious tells him but I hold it back, keeping my mouth shut. I'm not talking about any of this anymore, this time is for my brother and my brother only. There's no need for pathetic drama with Harry. I need to be strong for Drew.

•••

"I'm here to see my brother in room two-twelve." I manage to get out without sounding like a dying rat from the changes in my voice all night.

"Sign your names here." The old curly headed lady says, handing me a clipboard. Harry stands next to me with his hands in his pocket of his brown jacket that I want to steal. I write down my name along with the time of arrival and room number before taking the visitors sticker pass. Harry does the same, placing the sticker on his thigh while we walk to the double doors to wait to be let in. While we stopped to get gas, I couldn't help but peak out the drivers side mirror to take in his outfit. He's wearing a new button up shirt, one that's elegant. It's like some shade of brown and dark purple mixed, it's an odd color but it looks good on him. I also couldn't help but notice the cross necklace wrapped around his neck, laying on the bare skin of his chest that's exposed from the lack of buttons buttoned.

"Becca." Harry gets my attention from my thoughts and I walk in following him to the elevator. I keep my arms folded, fearing the worst that I'm going to be seeing. The elevator dings, opening the doors to the ICU floor. Once I step off, I stand still almost gasping for air while Harry starts to walk off. He hears me and turns around, walking back to me in a hurry but I put my hand up to stop him. "Are you okay?"

"Just give me a minute." I say, choking out in a delayed cry. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, keeping my breathing under control.

"You good?" Harry asks with concern and I look up at him, giving a small nod before walking. I hear the sound of his heels hitting the cold tile floor and fold my arms to keep myself from being colder than I should be. Curse hospitals for being so cold.

We walk through another pair of doors and look for the room number. Harry points it out and suddenly I feel nauseous, I didn't think I'd ever be at the hospital for my brother besides maybe a stomach pump from the amount of alcohol he consumed.

"I-I don't know if I can go in." I stutter in panic and Harry steps towards me.

"I know you don't want me comforting you but you can't push me away when shit like this is happening. No matter how much you hate me, I'm always going to be there for you." He whispers at me and I look down before lifting my hand and pulling his jacket towards me. I wrap my small arms around his torso as my face lays on his chest. His scent alone begins to calm me down and I feel the panic fly away as he runs his hand up and down my back. I'm safe right now, so safe. It's wrong but feels so right. "You can do it." He says against my hair and I let out a breath while tears fall.

Harry takes his arms away and takes a couple steps back to open the door of the room for me. I snake my way in, not knowing what to expect, and see my mother sitting next to Drew's side, holding onto his hand. Her head is laying down on the side of the bed, taking small breaths indicating she's sleeping. My father notices the both of us walking in and stands up from the chair in the corner and that's when I force my eyes to look over at my brother. I suck in my lips, feeling the burning of my eyes due to the crying which only gets worse because I couldn't look at him another second before turning around and shoving myself in Harry's chest. He's taken off guard from taking in my brother's condition but finally wraps an arm around the back of my shoulders.

"Does anyone know what happened?" I feel the vibration against my cheek from Harry's voice as he asks my father. I feel his thumb go back and forth against the edge of my shoulder and I annoyingly sniff, trying to keep my nose from running. I want to turn around and stand there next to my brother but I can't, it's harder than I thought it was going to be. Seeing him hooked to machines with needles all over his arms, a mask of oxygen, and a wrap around his head from the first surgery was too much to take in.

"From what some witnesses told the police, a car was merging from the left and we guess Drew didn't see them and vise versa, he ended up flipping the car a good amount of times." I hear my father's voice and I squeeze Harry harder, not wanting to picture the incident. I watch his free hand I'm facing lift, and assume he brings it in front of his mouth before speaking again.

"Are the others involved alright?"

"From what we know, yes. Only a couple scrapes and bruises." My father answers and I close my eyes, breathing in through my mouth since my nose is now occupied by a ton of crying mucus.

"Honey?" I hear my mother's faint voice and immediately lift my head off Harry's warm body and turn around to see her lifting her head up from the bed. It hits me again that we're all here in a hospital room for my brother and I start crying on the spot, which causes my mother to cry. She holds her arms out and I rush over to her, passing by my father. My mother runs her hand on the back of my head, rocking the two of us back and forth slowly as she comforts us.