female robbery • malum

twenty-five

i'm retaking my test tomorrow and i'm so fu.cking terrifed i've read the book so many times i can resite the first page and when i'm in the car i mentally name every single fu.cking road sign and line there is and other car's positions and i'm exhausted and i have three more letters in my report card to get back to a's and i'm struggling in math and they keep telling me i'm not going to exceed and i don't understand the course and i'm trying so fu.cking hard 

i swear to god you can never be good enough for this world 

this is just a filler i'm sorry.

i'm sorry

+

there are a few things i didn't expect to see when i woke up that morning.

one being michael was gone from my arms as i clutched the empty air in front of me. i cracked both my eyes opened, staring at a pair of legs that certainly did not belong to michael. i moved from my bed and stared at the figure before me, seeing my father with his arms on both his hips and his head wanting to explode.

"is that what i taught you to be?" he held up his phone to my face, a photo of michael and i cuddling. i didn't know what to say. "a fag- is this what you are calum?"

i shook my head no.

"answer me damn it."

i didn't want to.

some days like these i wish he stayed at work longer than he needed to. some days i wish michael was here to help me out but he's already been kicked out. some days i can't handle people. i started making my way to the door, hearing footsteps making their way over to me but i darted out into the hallway and down the stairs.

"calum?" my mother called my name from the kitchen concerned but ignored her and ran out the front door. i went to michael's stopping as i stared through their window. 

inside michael was talking to his family. they were all having a laugh over some of the stories they were probably talking about and my eyes started to water. 

i wiped under my eyes with my sleeve and kept running as i heard the front door open. my feet carried me all the way to the inner city and i slowed down to catch my breath. 

that is until a hand gripped tightly onto my arm.

and spun me around.

and my lips crashed into michael's.

he started mumbling words against my lips so i pulled away, trying my hardest not to stare at all the people giving us judgmental looks or fond ones. "what?"

"i saw you at my window." he frowned. "is it about this morning?"

"what do you think?"

+

"you can't just win me over with kisses." i sniffled as michael hugged me close to his chest. we laid on a hotel bed we had rented out for the night. i couldn't bare going home after this morning.

i had told michael everything for sobbed for the past hour, trying to keep myself together but everytime i finished wiping my tears a new wave would come in. 

"i can try." michael smiled lightly as he pressed light kisses to my shoulder, working his way up my neck and pecking my cheek softly. i smiled.

soon there was a knock at the door and i whimpered when michael got up to go and answer it. none of the less he gave me a peck before fully leaving the bed and letting in luke and ashton.

we haven't talked to them in a while and i insisted on bringing them over. then again, i just ignored them while michael explained what happened and soon luke was wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. 

michael's was better but i didn't complain.

"we have a spare bedroom if you'd like?" ashton sat down at the edge of the bed. i couldn't spend the night at michael's because well, i live next door. 

i nodded softly and ashton pressed his lips to my forehead.

it felt weird.

but at least it was a good weird. 

just then a smack was lightly made to my bum and michael's voice was heard.

"he's mine, only i can do that."