Bondi Diaries || Bondi Rescue

Chapter 18: Awkward

Jesse asked me out. 

Jesse wants to date me. 

I told him I had feelings- and he shared those same feelings!

I practically bounced into Lilli's apartment, and waltzed happily into the kitchen, where she was unloading the dishwasher. 

"Hey," I said, grinning suggestively. I fought the urge to do my happiest happy dance. 

Lilli looked up and me and chuckled, "What's got you so happy Koti?" She asked. 

I bit my lip and thought about what had just happened. Was I living in real life? Why was everything suddenly going my way?! 

"Jesse asked me out," I squealed. "On a date! He also told me he liked me, and we kissed and Lilli I am so freaking happy I-" 

Lilli suddenly gave me an awkward/surprised/'oh shit someone is hearing exactly what you're saying expression'. I fell quiet and turned around, Taco was standing in the doorway with Louis standing behind him, giving me an apologetic look.

I blushed, "Taco..." I was lost for words. 

Of course my moment of happiness was going to be followed by drama. 

"Sorry for interrupting," he looked down at his feet, hurt and upset. "I'll just go." 

He pushed past Lou and practically stormed out. 

"I'm sorry Koti, I didn't know-" Louis started to explain himself, but I desperately ran after Taco. 

"Taco!" I called out. He was walking down the stairs to get to his car by the time I reached my front door. "TACO!" I called out again. He stopped in his tracks, and contemplated turning around to talk to me. 

"What?" he asked, in a deadpan tone. 

"I'm sorry," I said desperately. "I'm so sorry, I was going to tell you." 

He turned around and started walking back up the stairs. I didn't know what to say- what do you say in a moment like this? One when you could lose a person that you do care about, but don't have true feelings for? Will you remain friends? Or will the whole relationship just completely backfire because all they ever wanted out of you was a relationship, because the other person just can't stand to be alone? 

Was this one of those times where I was going to truly regret every single decision I have ever made up until this point in my life? 

Stop with the stupid rhetorical questions, my brain yelled at me.

"You're sorry?" Taco asked furiously. He began to walk towards me angrily. "That's all you can say Koti? You're sorry?!!" 

I fought back tears. I was hating the fact that I had hurt him so unintentionally because I was a bitch too caught up in her problems to stop and tell him that we weren't actually dating. But no, because I was Koti, and I always fucked up, I just had to be that girl. The girl that led him on. 

"What else am I supposed to say?" I argued back. "I'm glad? I'm glad that I led you on like a stupid bitch because I have other issues going on in my life that greatly surpass romantic relationships?!" I exclaimed, suddenly angry. 

Taco fell silent for a moment, and then spoke. 

"But you have enough time to organise a date with Jesse," he shot back accusingly. "And then expect me not to be mad." 

"Oh my god Taco! Of course I expected you to be mad!" 

"Bullshit," he growled. "You only care about yourself- the whole freaking world revolves around you. Oh poor Koti, she ran away from home because she's a pussy. Oh, poor Koti, her mysterious, famous brother is back-" 

"You leave him out of this!" 

"- we must stand and help her through this! Oh, poor Koti, should she stay living her fake life in Australia or should she go back because her mother is dying? Oh wait, she won't because she's a selfish slut!" 

He stopped talking. 

My heart practically stopped beating. 

Taco's cruel and hurting words echoed in my ears, reminding me of the days when I got hate yelled at me on a regular basis. 

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn't do anything but shake my head. I felt so betrayed, even though I knew I'd broken his heart, even though I knew he was hurting and had every right to say those things because I'd totally led him on- that didn't mean he could call me those things. 

And he realized. 

"Koti..." He whispered, guilt-ridden. "I'm so sorry." 

Behind me, Louis opened the door and stepped outside, "I think you should go now." He put his arm around me and led me inside, where everybody who was currently living in the small apartment was gathered. 

I knew they'd heard everything.

Harry looked at me, waiting for an outburst. 

Louis looked angry, and was steering me to the couch to sit down. 

Dean and Lilli were shocked. 

I was numb, I couldn't feel a thing. 

I'd gone from having everything I ever wanted, knowing what I was going to do to deal with Taco, to not being able to deal at all. 

I was only absolutely certain of one thing- I couldn't stay in Bondi anymore. My cover as an ordinary citizen had been blown, and secretly I hated it. I had hurt someone in the process of getting what I desired, and I knew I had to do the only thing I knew I was good at. 

Run away, and hide. 

Again. 

I stood up from the couch, "I have to go." I announced. Lilli looked at me confused. 

"Go?" 

"I need to get out of Bondi," I clarified, tears filling my eyes. "I'm going to go home to Mum, and Lottie and Fizzy and-" 

"You don't have to do this Koti!" Dean pleaded with me. I looked at him, and held back the waterworks that were threatening to spill over. 

I shook me head, "I do. It's the one thing I'm good at. Taco was right- I am a pussy. May as well work with it." 

I walked off to my room where I had made a life for myself. I pulled out the two suitcases I had brought from England to Australia with me all those years ago. As I began to pack, Harry entered my room. 

"Koti?" 

I looked up from shoving clothing into the case, "Yes?" 

Harry sat on my bed and watched me pack my things. 

"Dean's right. You don't have to move again," he said quietly. "You have a great life here, and it's Louis and I's fault for screwing that all up." 

I looked at him, "You've got be joking Harry." 

"Why would I be joking?" 

"Because this stuff always happens to me. It's better that I just go back to my family and stick to what I know- I always screw these things up," I continued to keep fighting back my sobs. 

"But Koti-" 

"Just go Harry, please. I need to pack and call.... and call Jesse," I struggled with the fact that I was going to be leaving Inky most of all. 

He was so amazing, and we'd had incredible times together and we had just sorted all of this bullshit out. 

But it had to be dealt with somehow.