Bondi Diaries || Bondi Rescue

Chapter 19: So Long Inky...

I sat down on my bed, and hesitantly picked up my phone. 

If I quit now, if I left Jesse behind, this would be it. 

My future relationship was coming down to a petty phone call. 

I dialed Jesse's phone number with trembling hands, remembering the last time I had called him we'd both gotten very drunk and had sex. 

Did I really want to call this quits? 

The phone started to ring as the call went through to his phone. 

Maybe he's working, I thought. Maybe he's working and I'll get to leave without saying goodbye.

"Hello?" 

I couldn't find my voice to respond to his- it was only half an hour ago I had been so happy to see him, so happy to hear his voice. 

"Hello?" Jesse asked again, sounding annoyed. 

"Hi," I whispered. "It's Koti." 

"Oh hey Koti!" Jesse said, instantly sounding brighter. "What's up?" 

I can't do this to him!

"Erm, I, ugh, need to talk to you," I said, searching for the right words to explain the many thoughts swirling around my head. 

"Can't you just talk to me tonight? At the concert?" 

"No," I explained. "It's urgent." 

"Well I'll be right over," he said, sounding panicked. 

"No!" I exclaimed. "Don't come over!" 

Jesse sounded confused, "Why not?" he asked. 

"I..." 

"Koti? What's going on?" 

"Jesse, it's not you... it's me," I began. 

Good job Koti, that sounded okay.

"Are you like, breaking up with me or something?" Jesse asked, really confused. He sounded like he almost wanted to laugh. 

"I'm going back to England," I blurted out. "I'm leaving Australia." 

He sounded like he was laughing even more now, "I know Koti," he chuckled. 

"No like," I sighed, exasperated. "Permanently." 

"What?" 

"I'm moving back to England permanently," I stated boldly. 

This is not hurting me, I chanted to myself. This is not emotionally ruining me.

"Since when Koti?!" Jesse exclaimed angrily. "When were you planning on telling me this?!" 

"As of half an hour ago when Taco came over and insulted me," I retorted. This wasn't going the way I planned. "He said I should run back home because it's always about me. So I am." 

Jesse scoffed, "Since when did you care about what Taco thinks Koti? You've always been so strong, you don't have to do this now." 

"I do though," I whimpered. "I just do." 

"I'm coming over," Jesse said. "Don't you dare go anywhere." 

"Please no Inky," I pleaded. "You'll just make this so much harder than what it already is!" 

But he had already hung up. 

What have I done?!

I raced around my room, packing as quickly as I could. I finally let the tears go, and I cried, and cried, and cried. 

My life had been doomed as soon as I'd met Dean and Anthony that morning so long ago... 

I should have known. 

I should have known better than to make friends and start ruining my pro-surfing dreams. 

It seemed that in the chaos of my love life and my exposed media life, I'd forgotten about what had drawn me towards Bondi in the first place- the water. 

Am I ready to give all of that up, just to escape the drama my life constantly attracted? 

Lilli entered me room, and didn't say anything. She just stood there, in the doorway, watching me make a complete and utter fool of myself. She had done so much for- taken me in, given me a play to live, food on a plate, and helped me find jobs every time I got fired. She was, correction: is, the best-est friend I could have ever asked for, and I never thanked her- not once.

I stopped packing and turned to face her. She was crying too. 

"Lilli..." I whispered, engulfing her in a massive hug. She hugged me back, and for a minute, we just cried into each others arms until she was able to speak coherently again. 

"Do you really have to go?" She sniffled. "I'm going to miss you Koti." 

I sighed, "I do have to Lilli. And believe me- I will miss you too. So fucking much. But I need to run, I need to clear my head, and leave these lifeguards behind me. I just need to be able to be me again."

She nodded understandingly. 

"I'm glad you came into my life Koti." 

I smiled, and hugged her again. 

"I booked you a flight back to London," she added. "Don't worry about the money. Just do what you need to do, and promise you'll email and visit me from time to time." 

"I promise Lilli," I said. "Just do me one more favour." 

"Anything." 

"Get me to the airport so I don't see Jesse," I explained. "I don't want to see him before I go- I don't want to regret anything." 

"Too late," a new voice entered the room. It was Jesse. 

"Jesse..." 

"Koti, please don't do this!" He pleaded. 

I ignored him, and through the painful ignorance, closed my suitcase shut and grabbed my handbag, "Let's go now Lilli." 

But as I went to walk out, Jesse grabbed my arm. 

"Koti please, before you go, just hear me out please," He pleaded desperately. 

"No Jesse, you can't make me change my mind." 

I pushed past him, with Lilli following me, but he continued to pursue me. I walked out the door, when he stopped behind me and yelled out four words, four words so simple, but with so much power to change the decision I was about to make, words that would influence change. 

"I love you Koti!" He cried out desperately. 

I turned around, and looked at him. My decision was imprinted into my brain. I was not going back. 

"I love you too Jesse."