Left Behind | JiHan

Take the pain away (7B)

Selfish.

That is what I am! Absolutely selfish. I realized this when I called Vernon over and the first thing I did was hug him the way I'd hug Jeonghan. First off, I was giving him false hope. I could tell by the way he smiled on my shoulder. Second off, I was sort of using him to get back at Jeonghan. I could tell the boy's blood boiled when he saw me with my best friend.

I was using him for my own needs. I was a monster. I was using my best friend as if he didn't matter. Which makes no sense, since my bets friend means the world to me.

"Vernon. This might sound weird, but run away from me. Now!" He looked stunned, gripping my shoulders firmly. "Why would I do that? And stop calling me Vernon! You never call me that!" I shrugged it off, looking away from him. "I want you to walk away, and talk to me when you think I have my shit straight." He looked at me intently, raising an eyebrow.

"Done. You have your shit straight. You always do." That made me feel guilty really. I always have my shit together? Uhuh, which explains why I was using him and was okay with it.

"Hansol, I really don't. I'd appreciate if you could please, just...ignore me for a while? I want to fix things. You're not making things easy."

I never thought Hansol would laugh. I expected him to agree, and if not, to shake his head seriously. Not laugh as if I had said something funny. "Joshua, even if I wanted to ignore you, I can't. I wouldn't be able to keep myself away. I love you too much, I guess. Both as friends and as lovers." I sighed. I was trying to take the pain away! Both mine and his. I want to prevent from his heart getting broken, and I want to prevent myself from hurting so much, to the point that I die.

"Whatever. Forget I ever said anything. Dude, let's play some Mario Kart, yeah?" He smiled at me and nodded. He got up from my bed and turned on my TV and Wii. He was so gonna regret this in the future.

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Edited August 3rd, 2016