Left Behind | JiHan

Please, don't (15B)

Waking up hadn't been this annoying since the day after my break up with Jeonghan. But I knew that if I didn't wake up go to school today, the little fucker would break in my home and hunt me down. He'd done it before and he'd do it now.

He's probably the only reason I returned to school after a week. I was planning on two. He knocked on my door as if there were no tomorrow. The loser broke my door too. It was a horrible experience but now looking back, it was funny.

No, hilarious.

So with much agony, I got up and pretended that I was okay. That I was not thinking about my best friend in a sexual manner, and that no, I was not even considering dating him. Because that could simply not happen. Nope.

By the time I finally had shit my shit together, I was on the subway that leads me to the campus. Of course, Hansol was on it too. An old lady didn't have a seat so we both got up and offered her ours. When she smiled at both of us and sat, we stared at each other. He wanted to say something, I could tell. But I was too distracted to even think about what he wanted to say. 

Why were his eyes so red? He couldn't have cried for what I said last week. He really couldn't have! Hansol was never the cry baby! I was the sensitive one, he was the fighter. It was his role. He couldn't stop playing it because of me.

Lately, lots of things have been happening because of me. For the rest of the ride, I spared him no glance. I looked anywhere but at Hansol. I think he didn't look at me too. But I wouldn't know, I'd didn't look at him.

When we finally got to our stop, the lady from earlier waved at us both. We both waved back and smiled, we even bowed. I rushed out, I knew he would run for me. I just wanted to get to campus. And so, I arrived to campus, Hansol hot on my tail.

"Joshua! American hyung!" Ignore. Ignore and then you just won't feel. I laughed aloud. What is this, frozen? Where's Olaf and my happy ending?

"Don't laugh at me. My feelings aren't a joke." Hansol said, his voice gentle, on the edge of cracking. I turned, concerned. What was this? A TV show? "I didn't laugh at you, I laughed at me."

"Then what about last time?" I didn't have an answer. 'Oh that, I decided to laugh whenever I felt like being a little bitch and cry'. Honestly, I need to stop. I've been swearing too much lately. "I just . . . laughing heals the soul, you know?" Hansol grabbed my wrist and pulled me just a bit closer.

"Are my feelings a joke to you?" I shook my head. Of course they weren't! If they were, I would have been allowing him to be my rebound. "Course not, Hansol." He smiled at me, his thumb gently rubbing circles on my hand. "Have you ever asked why you don't take me as a joke?" To that I answered, "because I like you too much."

There.

That's all he had to say for all of the dots to connect. "God, I'm dumb. Lord forgive me," I mumbled, hugging him. He laughed but I could tell he felt relieved too. "Please, don't ever do this type of thing again. You made my heart hurt, hyung." I nodded and laughed a bit too. The bell rang but we didn't care. We were late, oh well.

"But what if I'm confused?" I asked, pulling away, just a bit. "You're not. Your heart beats faster with me. I should know, I slept with you for a while," he smiled at me, as if I were a good person.

As if I had not caused him pain. But in the end, I felt relived. I felt like everything was okay again. I like Hansol, I had to except that. If we date, it'd be great. Hopefully we end up together. All this time, I used my breakup with Jeonghan as an excuse, but truth be told, I was just scared of my own feelings.

Who knows, maybe Jeonghan was right. From all those times we argued, he'd always say I liked Hansol like that. Huh, he knew before I did.

Pushing my thoughts to the side, I pulled away from Hansol. "Let's go. We'll be really late if we don't go now." He nodded at me, and on the way we converse about everything and anything. Of course, while holding hands.

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Edited August 12th, 2016